Blonde Jokes - Music - http://maxpages.com/limpandkorn/Blonde

One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the
desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all
walk to civilization. The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get
thirsty I can drink it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food
so if I get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to take
the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"

One day there was a blonde riding a horse. The horse kept going faster
and faster until the blonde fell off, with her foot getting stuck in the
stirrup. Hearing her screams for help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over and
turned off the merry-go-round.

A blonde walks into a hair salon to get her hair cut wearing headphones.
The stylist asks her to take off her headphones but the blonde refuses. So
the stylist takes them off and the blonde collapses to the ground and dies.
The stylist picks up the headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out..."

A blonde was riding in the back of a pick-up truck when the truck went
off the road and went into a pond. Some neighbors came out to see what
happened and waited for the blonde to come out of the water. When she finally
did, the neighbors asked her what took her so long. She replied, "I couldn't
get the tail-gate unlocked."

A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned.
Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a
firing squad. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the brunette yells
"TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the
redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for
the hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and
the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.

Q. What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?
A. Artificial intelligence.

There's a brunette standing in the middle of a street jumping up and
down, counting "57, 57, 57." A blonde walks up to her and decides that this
game could be fun. She asks the brunette if she can play too and the brunette
says, "Sure." So the two jump up and down counting "57, 57, 57." Suddenly,
the brunette jumps onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The
brunette goes back into the street and starts jumping again, counting "58,
58, 58."

Q. What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
A. You keep hearing about them, but you never see one.

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were
watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the
Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and
the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50
she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde
said "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5
O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump
again!"

Q. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.

Q. What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A. A rebel without a clue!

Then there was the blonde who was so stupid that all the other blondes
noticed...

On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot
announces: "I'm sorry, but we have lost one of our engines. Subsequently, we
will arive in Paris approximately half an hour late."
A few minutes later, he comes on again:
"Hate to disappoint you folks, but another engine is down. Don't panic -
we've still got two going, but now we'll be about 2 hours late."
After another few minutes, he comes on again:
"Look, I am really sorry about this, but somehow we have lost our third
engine. Still nothing serious to worry about, but we will be about five hours
late to Paris."
After hearing this, the blonde turns to the guy sitting next to him and
remarks,
"If we lose the other one, we'll be up here all night."

Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion.

Q.Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the
car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her
to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her
car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man
angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even
harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is
now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The
blonde giggled and replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the
circle three times!"

Q. Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice container?
A. Because it said (from) "Concentrate".

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde all escape from a prison together.
They run into the nearby woods and all climb up seperate trees. When the
police find the redheads tree and ask who is up there, the redhead chirps
like a bird. Then the police go to the brunette's tree. When they ask who is
up there, the brunette makes chipmunk noises. Finally, when the police go to
the blonde's tree and ask who is up there, the blonde goes,"MOOOOOOOOOO!"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island
together. The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they
all decide to try to swim there. The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted,
gives up, and drowns. The brunette makes it 15 miles before she's too tired
to go any farther and drowns. The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted
island, decides she's too tired to go any farther, and swims all the way back
to the deserted island.

Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ears.

Q. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A. You hear about them all the time, but you never see one.

Q. A blonde and a brunette are pushed out of an airplane. Which one hits the
ground first?
A. The brunette, because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

Q. What do you call 25 blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.

Q. What do you call 10 blondes in a refridgerator?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You can park in the handicap zone.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A. There's white-out on the screen.

Q. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A. There's writing on the white-out.

Q. How did the blonde die ice-fishing?
A. She was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A. "Thanks for the refill!"

Q. Why do blondes have more fun?
A. They are easier to keep amused.

Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.

Q. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q. What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A. Change.

Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle
after only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.

Q. How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A. Give her a bag of M & M s and tell her to alphabetize them.

Q. What goes: VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH?
A. A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A. She missed.

Q. What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase?
A. "It's okay Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of a Mercedes
with a coat hanger:
Blonde #1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde #2: Well you better hurry up and try harder, because it's starting to
rain and the top is down!

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Did you hear about the blonde who locked her keys in the car? It took her
an hour to get her family out of the car.

Q. How do blonde brain cells die?
A. Alone

There was this typical peroxide blonde. She was really tired of being
made fun of and being called a ditz, so she decided to get a makeover. She
went to a salon and had her hair done so that she was, once again, a
brunette. Now that she was a brunette, she decided she would take a drive in
the country. So she hopped into her convertible and started driving.
She saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are
so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can
guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, looking
skeptical, said she could.
So the blonde looked at the flock and said, "157." The farmer was amazed
because she was right. She picked one out and was getting in her car when the
farmer walked up to her.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Q. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant

Three blondes were walking through a forest when they came upon a set of
tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think these are
bird tracks."
The second blonde looked at them and said, "No, these are deer tracks."
The third blonde looked down, and BOOM!!! she gets run over by a train.

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a
medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut
into: six or twelve.
"Oh, goodness, six please," said the blonde. "I don't think I could ever
eat twelve!"

One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park.
Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde
looked up and said, "Where?"

Sign Guestbook

View Guestbook

SAM AKA: POGO
west islip	new york
USA {duh}
Fax e~mail me ppls!
CandiKisses2269@cs.com

Visitors: 00279

Page Updated Thu Mar 2, 2000 1:03am EST