Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/kodiw/redneck

Redneck jokes.
You could be a redneck if.....

- Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
- Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
- You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like
Daytona Beach, Florida.
- You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start
your engines."
- Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
- You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
- You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
- You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
- You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis
45's.
- You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
- Your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
- The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby
as a result of an alien abduction.
- You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
- Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
- You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
- You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
- You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.
- You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

Redneck Letter - from a redneck mother to her son....

Dear Redneck Son,
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper
that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I
won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here
took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change
their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not
sure it works so well though; last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and
haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last
week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be
too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put
them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really
worried because it took him two hours to get me and your Father out.Your sister
had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out if you are an aunt or uncle. The
baby looks just like your brother........... Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last
week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off valiantly and
drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your
friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the
window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned
because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

You may also be a redneck if....
- You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
- You take a six-pack cooler to church.
- Your family tree has no forks.
- You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the
Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
- You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
- You use a weedeater in your living room.
- You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in
prison.

Sign Guestbook

View Guestbook

Kodi woods/woods world
32 middle ave.
meaford	ontario	n4l 1a8
Canada
Fax 1-519-538-2145
pig_boy69@hotmail.com

Visitors: 00445

Page Updated Thu Feb 10, 2000 7:06pm EST