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Page 2
Getting Older
A Womans View
Beans
Bible Bloopers
Church Humor
More Church Humor
Even More Church Humor
Funny News Stories
Computer Glitches
Computer Dummy
Cop Killers
News Stories
Heaven and Hell
Say That Again
Famous Quotes
FBI
Stupid Criminals
Strange Laws
Little Known Tidbits
Legal Quotes
The Water Closet
Men and Women
Bumper Stickers
Chilli
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| Funny News Stories |
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| A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (about $240) for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay. Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was unharmed. AP (contributed by Henry Allen) An ambulance was called to the aid of James Ritchie, thirty, who was lying injured on a road outside Odell, Illinois. As it arrived on the scene, the ambulance skidded on the snow-covered roadway, then struck and killed Ritchie. UPI (contributed by Doug Arnold) Classified Ads (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city NEWSPAPERS) - ILLITERATE? WRITE TODAY FOR FREE HELP. - AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. FREE PICK-UP AND DELIVERY. TRY US ONCE, YOU'LL NEVER GO ANYWHERE AGAIN. - OUR EXPERIENCED MOM WILL CARE FOR YOUR CHILD. FENCED YARD, MEALS, AND SMACKS INCLUDED. - DOG FOR SALE: EATS ANYTHING AND IS FOND OF CHILDREN. - MAN WANTED TO WORK IN DYNAMITE FACTORY. MUST BE WILLING TO TRAVEL. - STOCK UP AND SAVE. LIMIT: ONE. - SEMI-ANNUAL AFTER-CHRISTMAS SALE. - 3-YEAR OLD TEACHER NEEDED FOR PRE-SCHOOL. EXPERIENCE PREFERRED. - MIXING BOWL SET DESIGNED TO PLEASE A COOK WITH ROUND BOTTOM FOR EFFICIENT BEATING. - GIRL WANTED TO ASSIST MAGICIAN IN CUTTING-OFF-HEAD ILLUSION. BLUE CROSS AND SALARY. - DINNER SPECIAL -- TURKEY $2.35; CHICKEN OR BEEF $2.25; CHILDREN $2.00 - FOR SALE: ANTIQUE DESK SUITABLE FOR LADY WITH THICK LEGS AND LARGE DRAWERS. - NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE YOUR EARS PIERCED AND GET AN EXTRA PAIR TO TAKE HOME, TOO. - WE DO NOT TEAR YOUR CLOTHING WITH MACHINERY. WE DO IT CAREFULLY BY HAND. - FOR SALE. THREE CANARIES OF UNDERMINED SEX. - GREAT DAMES FOR SALE. - HAVE SEVERAL VERY OLD DRESSES FROM GRANDMOTHER IN BEAUTIFUL CONDITION. - TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF. LET ME DO IT. - VACATION SPECIAL: HAVE YOUR HOME EXTERMINATED. - MT. KILIMANJARO, THE BREATHTAKING BACKDROP FOR THE SERENA LODGE. SWIM IN THE LOVELY POOL WHILE YOU DRINK IT ALL IN. - THE HOTEL HAS BOWLING ALLEYS, TENNIS COURTS, COMFORTABLE BEDS, AND OTHER ATHLETIC FACILITIES. - GET RID OF AUNTS. ZAP DOES THE JOB IN 24 HOURS. - TOASTER: A GIFT THAT EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY APPRECIATES. AUTOMATICALLY BURNS TOAST. - FOR RENT: 6-ROOM HATED APARTMENT. - MAN, HONEST. WILL TAKE ANYTHING. - USED CARS: WHY GO ELSEWHERE TO BE CHEATED. COME HERE FIRST. - CHRISTMAS TAG-SALE. HANDMADE GIFTS FOR THE HARD-TO-FIND PERSON. - WANTED: HAIR CUTTER. EXCELLENT GROWTH POTENTIAL. - WANTED. MAN TO TAKE CARE OF COW THAT DOES NOT SMOKE OR DRINK. - AND NOW, THE SUPERSTORE-UNEQUALED IN SIZE, UNMATCHED IN VARIETY, UNRIVALED INCONVENIENCE. - WE WILL OIL YOUR SEWING MACHINE AND ADJUST TENSION IN YOUR HOME FOR $1.00. |
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