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| Three Men, a Chicken, and a Cow There were three men traveling together, a priest, a farmer and a lawyer. It was starting to get late and they needed to find a place to sleep. They came across this farm and they asked the farmer there if they could spend the night. He said, 'Thats fine but my guest room is only big enough for two people, one of you will have to sleep in the barn.' The priest said, 'I don't mind sleeping with God's creatures, I will take the barn.' So they all agreed and went to their rooms. About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the priest. 'There is a chicken in there that won't stop clucking! I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room.' 'That's ok,' said the farmer, 'I'll sleep in the barn, after all, I'm used to it.' So they all agreed and traded places. About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the farmer. 'I can't stand the odor from that cow in there any more. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room.' 'Well, I guess that leaves me,' said the lawyer. So he went to sleep in the barn. About an hour later there is a knock at the guest room door and there stands the chicken and the cow. The Suit Two guys sitting in a grotty pub notice a suit walk in, they start to guess what he does. Fred thinks he's an accountant, but Bill thought he looked more like a lawyer; as an accountant wouldn't go into a pub like that. As the night goes on they get more and more drunk and so the suspence grows. When Bill sees the suit go to the toilet, he tells Fred to follow him and find out what he does.... When Fred goes in, the suit is at the urinal, and so he stands beside him and says 'Fred' I hope you dont mind if I ask you what you do for a living ? 'Suit'; no not at all, I'm a logic scientist. 'Fred' whats a logic scientist ? 'Suit' well I'll explain by example,..... do you have a goldfish ? 'Fred' Yes, 'Suit' Well if you have a goldfish it is logical to assume that you keep him in a bowl or a pond, which is it ? 'Fred' A pond, 'Suit' Well its logicial to assume that if you have a pond you live in a big house. 'Fred' Yes I built it myself. 'Suit' Well if you live in a big house its logicial to assume that you have a wife and family. 'Fred' Yes I have three children. 'Suit' Well its logical to assume that if you have a wife and three children, you have a good sex life. 'Fred' Yes three times a week. 'Suit' Well there you are then. 'Fred' Sorry I still don't understand, 'Suit' Well from finding out you have a goldfish I know you have a wife, family and healthy sex life... 'Fred' Thankyou, I think I get it. So Fred goes out to his mate and tells him that the suit is a logic scientist. Bill doesn't understand either, so Fred explains by example too... 'Fred' do you have a goldfish ? 'Bill' no 'Fred' well, you're a wanker. Skin Canoes Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals. The men are led to a gravesite next to the water. The chief says, 'We will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honarable deaths for your homelands. You choose the weapon. Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes.' The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun. With this, he recites the Pledge and shoots himself. He is carried off. The next man asks for a sword. A warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man. The last man asks for a fork. 'A fork? asks the chief?' But it's his dying wish, so they hand him the fork. He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest, and yells, 'I HOPE YOUR CANOE SINKS!!' |
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