Life's Quotes - If you have any quotes you would like to see on this page just e-mail it to us! - Miscellaneous

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams

Chocholate may comfort the soul, but it expands your stomache,
so then u have to go out and buy all new clothes.
-Unknown

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
only time of the month that I can be myself. -Roseanne

If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!"
-Delta Burke

In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra.
Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough
attention to women's breasts? -Jay Leno

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle
maintenance. -Tim Allen

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will
choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem? -Jay Leno

The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent
because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're
going from semi-automatics to Uzis. -Conan O'Brien

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a
plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across
that floor. I told him he was grounded. -Tim Allen

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his
house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor

The problem with the designated driver program, is that it's not a
desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with
it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. -Jeff
Foxworthy

New York Taxi Rules:
1. Driver speaks no English.
2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace like Sengal.
3. Driver Hates You. -Dave Barry

Never judge a book by its movie. -J.W. Eagan

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience. -Stanislaw J. Lec

New York: the only city where people make radio requests like "This is for Tina- I'm sorry I stabbed you."
-Carol Leifer

Ah-love- the walks over soft grass, the smiles over candlelight, the arguments over just about everything else.
-May Headroom

There will be no nuclear war. Theres to much real estate involved. -Frank Zappa

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Page Updated Tue Jul 20, 1999 10:09pm EDT