Words Of Wisdom - The ACME Version - Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/kab/Acme

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me,
either. Just leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're
going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

5. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

6. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

7. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

8. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

9. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

10. It may be that your sole purpose in life is
simply to serve as a warning to others.

11. It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.

12. If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.

13. If you tell the truth you don't have to
remember anything.

14. If you lend someone $20, and never see that
person again; it was probably worth it.

15. If you haven't much education you must use
your brain.

16. Too often, we lose sight of life's simple
pleasures......Remember, when someone annoys you,
It takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT,
it only takes 4 muscles to extend your
arm and smack that jerk upside the head.

17. The things that come to those who wait are
what's left behind by those who got there first.

18. Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

19. Never underestimate the power of stupid
people in large groups.

20. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer
all day.

21. I don't have a license to kill. I have a
learner's permit.

22. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot,
either!

23. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause
people.

24. Some days you are the bug, some days you are
the windshield.

25. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first
time.

26. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is
not for you.

27. Don't squat with your spurs on.

28. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a
haircut.

29. Good judgment comes from bad experience and
a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

30. The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

31. Timing has an awful lot to do with the
outcome of a raindance.

32. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

33. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light
side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

34. Telling a man to go to hell and making him
do it are two entirely different propositions.

35. Tact is the ability to tell him to go to
hell and have him be happy to be on his way.

36. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was
going to blame you.

37. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get
sucked into jet engines.

38. Be direct with people; let them know exactly
how you feel by piddling on their shoes.

39. There are two theories to arguing with
women. Neither one works.

40. Never ask a man the size of his spread. (Or
anything else for that matter!)

41. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

42. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your mouth is moving.

43. Anything worth taking seriously is worth
making fun of.

44. Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie"
while looking for a bigger stick.

45. Before you criticize someone, you should
walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're
a mile away and you have their shoes.

46. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to
buy her friends?

47. Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.

48. How many of you believe in telekinesis?
Raise my hands.

49. The problem with the gene pool is that there
is no lifeguard.

50. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.

51. You can go anywhere you want if you look
serious and carry a clipboard.

52. The floggings will continue until morale
improves.

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Page Updated Fri Oct 8, 1999 1:18pm EDT