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| URINALS |
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| Maybe it's not my place, but I think urinals should be done away with. Most every guy has used one at some point, and they are aware that what you are doing, in effect, is peeing on a wall. Now, admittedly, peeing on walls is fun, but the urinal really ruins the experience. First of all, it's very difficult to use a magic marker to record you highest ever pee on a porcelain object. Usually it just rinses off, or someone catches you and asks you to remove it. Few jobs are quite as degrading as that. Secondly, there's always this mental block seemingly forcing you to pee on the little pink air freshners as dutifully as you would if the fate of the free world depended on it. Every ounce that misses leaves you feeling bitter and depressed. Because when you can't pee on a little pink hockey puck, you're pretty worthless. Finally, the greatest degradation of all comes when the urinal is too low. You'll find yourself squatting, barely balanced, just to align your zipper and the drain. Then the force of the pee usually knocks you off balance until you desperately clutch onto the sides of the urinal while you pee willy-nilly. These are all quite traumatizing events, and the sooner we get rid of these porcelain abominations, the better. |
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