SONG PARODIES!!!!!!! - Personal - http://maxpages.com/justsum1/Song

Ballad of the Bobitt Hillbillies
(Sung to the tune of Beverly Hillbillies.)

Come and listen to my story of a man named John
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(Penis, that is)
(Clean cut, missed his nuts)

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.
(Curve, that is)
(Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was waving in the air.
(Found, that is)
(By a fence, Evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a Dick Doc said, "hey, I can fix your dong!"
"A needle and a thread is all you're gonna need,"
And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed.
(Whizzed, that is)
(Even seam, straight stream)

Well, he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a cockeyed lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape.
(Video, that is)
Unexposed, case closed)

MY FAVOURITE THINGS??

Rewritten by: Kronos, on of the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse
Original Song: My Favourite Things

Thorncuts from roses,
And drowned baby kittens,
Scalding from kettles
Or getting quite bitten.
Long-haired Scottishmen
Strangled with string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Black toasted ponies,
And crisp fried poodle.
Deep wells and death knells
And choking on strudel.
Wild geese that cry
When you tear out their wings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
Are much more fun after seventy lashes,
Recalling the pleasure torturing brings
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
This all makes me glad.
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I feel really bad!

(With apologies to Rogers & Hammerstein)

Kronos says: "Ever since I heard that mad nun (a woman in severe need of a good strangulation if
ever I saw one!) wailing away to those dear sweet brats, I knew this was the song for me. I had to
alter it a little, but now it just gives me a warm feeling inside whenever I hear it..."

A GOVERNMENT GIRL

In: ShopTalk, Tuesday, June 10, 1997 I thought I'd be a G-girl
and have a little fun
They took my application
and made me GS-1

I wore a naughty little blouse
that you could see right through
My boss took one look at it
and made me GS-2

I started some dictation
with my dress above my knee
When I got through with that letter
I became a GS-3

He gave my thigh a little pinch
as he went out the door
I blinked my big blue eyes at him
and got my GS-4

I felt so good one morning
it was so good to be alive
I did a naughty little rhumba
and got my GS-5

My boss asked me to kiss him
so I showed him some new tricks
He must have liked the lesson
'cause I got my GS-6

We went off for the weekend
to his little seashore heaven
I guess I must have pleased him
'cause I got my GS-7

My work must be improving
I got my GS-8
But I don't know if it's worth it
My God I'm three weeks late!

ICQ ME 24345339

just_sum_one@hotmail.com

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Page Updated Wed Sep 15, 1999 3:37am EDT