SICKISH JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Personal - http://maxpages.com/justsum1/Sickish

Why is 77 better than 69?
'Cause you get eight more. (ate more)

What is 74??
69 with sales tax.

What is the square root of 69?
Why its "EIGHT SOMETHING"

How do you tell betwin a boy cromazone and a girl cromazone?
YOU PULL DOWN THERE GEANS!

What does a clam and a vagina have in common???
You don't eat them when the red tide comes in!!!

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarreah?
One shucks between fits!

Q: what do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection.
A: A quarter-pounder with cheese.

How do you know when you have walked into a gay church?
Only half the congregation is kneeling

What does Rock Hudson and Len Bias have in common?
They both got a hold of some bad crack.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a swimming pool?
Throw in a load of wash!!!!

How does a mathmatician solve for constipation?
He works it out with a pencil.

An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand seizure
And broke both his balls and a lamp

Know what it says on Rock Hudson's tombstone?
I hate to leave my good friends behind.

the other day, they were going through his personal effects. Know what they found in his wallet?
YOUR PICTURE!!!

What is a Polish abortion?
A rat on a string.

Q: What do you call a Czechoslovakian abortion?
A: A cancelled Check.

So anyway, this leper goes into a bar. And this guy is in a really advanced state of decay, you know, like the werewolf's friend in American Werewolf in London, towards the end of the movie... Anyhow, he goes into this bar, sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, "Look, before I order, I'd like you to know that I'm aware of how my appearance affects some people, and I'll fully understand it if you refuse to serve me." The bartender, who is looking a little pasty-faced, says, "No, sir, I am a professional, and you are my customer. It is my pleasure to serve you. What would you like?" A shot of whiskey, if it's not too much trouble." "Coming right up, sir." The bartender pours the drink, then goes to the area behind the bar, ostensibly to wash some glasses, but the leper can hear him puking his guts out. When the bartender returns a moment later, wiping the corner of his mouth with a rag, the leper says, "Look, I told you I would understand. You didn't have to go through that for my sake!" To which the bartender replied, "I know that, sir, and I would like to assure you that I would have had no trouble, but for the last 5 minutes or so, the drunk next to you has been dipping his crackers in your arm."

What's the definition of gross?
You kiss your grandmother goodbye and she slips you the tongue.
This guy goes into a bar leading a half-sized alligator on a leash. The bartender yells at him, "You can't bring that animal in here!" The man says, "This isn't just any old alligator, he knows tricks. I'll show you." He lets the alligator climb up on the bar, then says, "This alligator can hold his mouth open for any length of time you say, to the exact second. Name a time." So, the bartender says "47 seconds." The man says, "OK, when I say go, start your watch. Go!" The alligator opens its mouth wide, while the bartender watches his mouth. The man says, "To prove how much confidence I have in my pet, I'm gonna lay my dick in his mouth. But, just for safety's sake, start counting the seconds from 45 on." The man does so, and when the bartender starts saying "45...46...47..," right when he says 48 the man pulls back his dick and the alligator's mouth snaps shut. Everyone at the bar was very impressed with this stunt. The man says, "Thanks a lot! Now, would anyone else like to try?" And, of course, all the men just sort of mumble and turn back to their drinks. I mean, trust only goes so far. However, one little guy at the end raises his hand rather timidly. The man says, "You there!! You're a real man! You're brave enough to try this??!" To which the other man says, "Yeth, but I don't think I could keep my mouth open the whole 47 seconds."

What is green and goes backwards?
SNOT!!

why does helen keller masturbate with her left hand?
so she can moan with her right hand

why does helen keller wear tight jeans?
so people can read her lips

this guy walks into a bar and sees another haggy looking girl across the bar. He shouts "bartender! give that douche bag a drink!" The bartender says "hey, you shouldn't be calling my patrons that" "just do what I tell you" the man replies. So the bartender goes to the woman accross the bar and says" that guy over there wants to buy you a drink." What would you like"? "Vinegar and water, please" she replies.

Woman starts a new job as an executive assistant. Her boss calls her into his office and say:"Telephone my partner and then pull up a chair and take some notes." She says:"Shall I use your dictaphone?" Boss says:"No, use your finger like everybody else."

What's a red neck's idea of foreplay?
Come on, bitch, hop in the truck.

The doctor said: got good news and got bad news.
The bad news is the baby was born with 5 fully formed penis
The good news is: the diaper fits like a glove.

What goes Ha Ha, Thump, Thump?
A man laughing his balls off!

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Cute, but can you eat peanuts with it?

Handsome hunk is jogging down the beach when he sees a girl in a wheelchair sitting on a pier crying. He runs over and asks why she's crying. "I've never been kissed," she sobs. So the hunk lifts her up, cradles her in his arms, and gives her a long, passionate kiss. "Now," he says, "you've been kissed." He puts her back in her chair and continues to run. A week later, he's out jogging again when he sees the same girl on the same pier, crying again. "What is it this time?" he asks. "I've never been screwed," the girl sobs. Again, the hunk picks her up and cradles her gently. He slowly moves to the end of the pier, kissing her as he did the first time. Suddenly, he throws her as far out in the water as he can. "Now," he calls to her, "you're screwed."

There is a good looking dude on the beach with many girls around him. Then there is a scrawny looking fellow with no one around him. He goes up to the good looking guy and says, "How can I get girls to notice me?" The good looking guy looks at him and says, "Well, maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks that might help." The next day the scrawny man comes back and says to the good looking guy, "I did what you told me and all people are doing is laughing at me." And the good looking guy says... "You are supposed to put the potato in the front."

Q: What is the definition of an adolescent?
A: Someone who can't count (integers) from 1 to 70 without cracking a smile.
The three latest Polish technological discoveries:
1.) Solar powered flashlights
2.) Inflatable dart boards
3.) Helicopter ejection seats

How can you tell when an Iraqi woman is on the rag?
She's only wearing one sock.

What do most Iraqi women die of?
Toxic sock syndrome

What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
the wheelchair

Latest new polish invention:
re-usable toilet paper!!!!!

What is the sound of a redneck husband's foreplay?
"Honey, I'm home!"

60 percent of all Orientals have cataracts;
the other 40 perecent drive Lincoln Continentals.

What do you call a quadraplegic Iragi ?
Trustworthy

Q. What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
A. Chowder

What is grosser than gross?
Answer: Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a spoon in your butt?

I'm thinking of something.
George Bush has a short one.
Mikhail Gorbachev has a long one
Madonna doesn't have one.
And the Pope has one but doesn't use it.
A last name.

Why did they cancel the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner!

Why do blind people hate to skydive?
It scare's the dog.

Why was Helen Kellers leg yellow?
Her dog was blind too!!

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They left the plunger in the toilet!

What is red and green and goes 700Mph?
A frog in a blender!!

What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits your windsheild?
It's asshole.

Q. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN IRAQI WOMAN AND THE NEW YORK RANGERS?
A. THE RANGERS SHOWER AFTER THREE PERIODS!!!

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just_sum_one@hotmail.com

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Page Updated Wed Sep 15, 1999 3:37am EDT