YET AGAIN MORE QUOTES - Personal - http://maxpages.com/justsum1/Quotes

"I am the person most qualified to host a talk show. I have five kids from three different marriages. I
come from a trailer park; my sister and brother are both gay; I have multiple personalities; and the
National Enquirer reunited me with my daughter, who I had given up for adoption."
- Roseanne Barr, in Harper's Bazaar

When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

"I can't go straight home 'cause the road's crooked." -- Linton Garner "You're a parasite for sore
eyes."--attributed to actor/director Gregory Ratoff "I Have no weakness for shoes. I wear very
simple shoes which are pump shoes. It is not one of my weaknesses." Imelda Marcos, former First
Lady of the Philippines and owner of 3,400 pairs of shoes "You are nothing but old
nuts!"--translation in a French newspaper of U. S. Army general Anthony McAuliffe's
reply-"Nuts!"-to a German demand for surrender at Bastogne in 1941 "If you let that sort of thing
go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."--Ernest Bevin, British
foreign minister from 1945 to 1951 "I regret to say, that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases
of oral- genital intimacy unless it has somehow interfered with interstate commerce."
- J. Edgar Hoover

"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."
- Mark Twain

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
- Vince Lombardi

Football combines two of the worst things about American life. It is violence punctuated by
committee meetings.
- George Will

"Ella, Ella, Ella...Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run away! Death *really* hates
that."
- Doctor, Doctor

You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long.
- Boris Yeltsin

"More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter
hopelessness, the other to total extinction. let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."
- Woody Allen

``The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both
parties.''
- Oscar Wilde

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
- Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"I think you should profit from the mistakes of others. You don't live long enough to make them all
yourself."
- Lowell Ferguson (airline pilot who once landed in the wrong airport)

The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to put
the other somewhat higher.
-ThomasHuxley

Avoid the company of deluded people when you can. When you cannot, keep your own counsel.
-Taken from: Buddha's Little Instruction Book by Jack Kornfield

"There is always something more important than what you are doing."
- Sriram Ramkrishna

"There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once . Imagine how little good
music there would be if, for example, a conducto refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on
the ground that his audience might have heard it before."
- A.P. Herbert

"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may
well be another profound truth."
- Niels Bohr

"There is nothing more interesting than a man with a future or a woman with a past."
- Oscar Wilde

Carl Sagan: "All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in
a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value." "A cat almost always
blinks when you whack it in the head with a ballpean hammer."
- Anon

"What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos."
- Kerry Thornley, Principia Discordia, 5th edition

"I went to a massage parlor. It was self service."

"To err is human
And stupid."
- Robert Byrne

"de gustibus non est disputandum"
- Unknown

"It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of
different opinion."
- William Ralph Inge

"An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less, until he knows absolutely
everything about nothing."
- Murphy

"The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep."
- Woody Allen

"Never insult seven men when all your packing is a six-shooter."
- Zane Gray

"Throw strikes. Home plate don't move."
- Satchel Paige

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal
difference between a dog and a man."
- Mark Twain

"Rule #1 is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule #2 is, it's all small stuff."
- Dr. Robert S. Eliot

"Progress is a process of exchanging old troubles for new ones."
- found in a fortune cookie

No man can step into the same river twice, for the second time it is not the same river, and he is not
the same man."
- Heraclitus

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
- Franklin P. Jones

"Women's creed: Men are like linoleum. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them
for 20 years."

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. "
- Jane Wagner

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good
questions. "
- Woody Allen

"There's an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his
telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone. "
- Stroustrup

"Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove."

- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
- Erica Jong

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of
mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
- Rita Mae Brown

"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman
Einstein."
- Joe Theisman (Former quarterback)

"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who
doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity."
- Bill Vaughan

"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them
their jobs."
- Samuel Goldwyn

"Crime does not pay... as well as politics."
- Alfred E. Newman

"Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
- Gerald Barzan

"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as
he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken

"In your thirst for knowledge, be sure not to drown in all the information."
- Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book

"What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence, a
wealth of information creates a poverty of attention and a need to allocate that attention efficiently
among the overabundance of information sources that might consume it."
- Herbert Simon, economist

"No matter how much spin, effort, lunch or dinner you give the media, they will not fail to notice
whether you have won or lost."
- Robin Renwick, former British ambassador to the United States

"The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with
the same emphasis as if there were."
- David Brinkley

"An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The
Lone Ranger."
- Dan Rather

Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question.
- Lt. Henry Mon, USAF, circa 1961

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said "Let there be light", and there was still nothing,
but you could see it.
- Dave Thomas, SCTV

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of."
- Burt Bacharach

"Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important."
- Lisa Hoffman

"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children."
- Mark Twain

"And my parents finally realize that I`m kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent
out my room."
- Woody Allen

"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them."
- P. J. O`Rouke.

"All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
- Leo Tolstoy.

With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed
with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth
that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, she had a beauty that defied description.

As she looked down at the battered and bloodied body before her, Grace felt a little
disappointment in herself for having so brutally beaten Bobby Meyer to death, but even after 32
years of teaching, the one thing she had never quite learned to tolerate was a student who picked his
nose and then ate it.
- from the Bulwer-Lytton Contest.

Bethune knew his chances with Dimpled Elaine had diminished considerably the moment whatever it
was fell from his nostril, uncurled, and scooted away.
- from the Bulwer-Lytton Contest.

All of the following quotes are from Albert Einstein:

"Imagination is more important than knowledge,"

"Small is the number of them that see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts."

"Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can asure you that mine are all greater."

"Violence sometimes may have cleared away obstructions quickly, but it never has proved itself
creative."

"All of us who are concernecd for peace and triumph of reason and justice must be be keenly aware
how small an influence resaon and honest good will exert upon events in the political field."

"The most important human endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance
and even our very existence depend on it. Only Morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity
to life."

Don't keep a negative attitude, such as
"I will not succeed, I will not succeed."
Instead, keep a positive attitude:
"I WILL fail. I WILL fail."

There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion
people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million
type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.
-- A. Whitney Brown, _The Big Picture_

Proverbs 30: 18-19:
"There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an
eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a
man with a maiden.

AN OLD GAELIC BLESSING
May thos who love us, love us
And those that don't, love us.
May God turn their hearts,
And if He doesn't turn their hearts
May He turn their ankles
So we'll know them by their limping.I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Keep honking while I reload.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Camouflage Condoms: They wont see you coming.

Give your child mental blocks for christmas

To err is human, To Moo Bovine

I used to have a photographic memory, It just never developed

Of all the things I have lost. I miss my mind the most.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Problem with the gene pool ...... no lifeguard.

Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the straps...

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Never knock on Death's door: Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

I can resist anything but temptation

All good things in moderation ..... including moderation

I don't have a problem with willpower
It's won't power I have a problem with

When you're finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone else decide to play chess?

Life is sexually transmitted.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

ICQ ME 24345339

just_sum_one@hotmail.com

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Page Updated Wed Sep 15, 1999 3:38am EDT