SEMINARS FOR FEMALES (prepared and presented by males)
1. Elementary Map Reading
2. Crying and Law Enforcement
3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming your VCR
4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
5. Gaining 5 Pounds vs. The End of the World (a study in contrasts)
6. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
7. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
8. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
9. Driving IV: Makeup & Driving: It's as Simple as Oil & Water
10: Football: Not a Game, A Sacrament
11: Telephone Translations (formerly titled "Me Too Equals I Love You")
12. How to Earn Your Own Money
13. Gift-giving Fundamentals (formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good")
14. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
15. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nusances of Wearable Laundry
16. Yes, You Can Fill Up At a Self Serve Station
17. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
18. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is NOT a Toy
19. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
20. Why Your Mother is Unwelcomed in the House
21. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard or Victimized Sensitive Man?
SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females)
1. Combating Stupidity
2. You too Can Do Housework
3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give Us Money
6. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash My Silks")
7. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00 am
8. Parenting: No, It Dose't End With Conception
9. Get A Life: Learn to Cook
10. How Not to Act Like a Jackass When You're Obviously Wrong
11. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
12. You: The Weaker Sex
13. Reasons to Give Flowers
14. How to Stay Awake In Public
15. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
16. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
17. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
18. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down
19. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are NOT Synonyms
20. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses Are Bull
21. How to Go Shopping With Your Mate and Not Get Lost
22. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
23. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
24. Mothers-In-Laws: They are People Too
25. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
26. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
27. Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is NOT NECESSARY
28. Techniques for Calling Home
40 Things a Man Should Know By 40
1. The difference between love and lust.
2. How to change a tire, a diaper, and a woman's mind.
3. When to hold on and when to let go.
4. Your capacity for intimacy and alcohol.
5. Basic carpentry, plumbing and automotive repair.
6. Advanced foreplay.
7. At least one woman other that their mother whose love for them is substantial and enduring.
8. Trouble when he sees it.
9. True love when he feels it.
10. A load of bull when he hears it.
11. The symptoms of PMS and how to deal with them.
12. His strengths and weaknesses.
13. How to fast-talk and slow-dance.
14. The art of seduction.
15. That his wife (lover, girlfriend) is not his mother.
16. A woman's ergeneous zones.
17. How to negotiate the inevitable compromises of a romantic relationship in ways that keep both
sides as happy as possible.
18. What he wants out of life and how to go after it.
19. Which medical tests he needs and when to get them.
20. How to make money, dinner, conversation, and love.
21. His own needs and another person's ability to fulfill them.
22. How to start a fire-in the hearth and the heart.
23. A realistic plan to secure his retirement.
24. An idealistic plan to secure his grandchildren's future.
25. How to unhook a bra with one hand-in the dark.
26. Where to get breakfast/gas/a prescription filled at 2 am.
27. How to give a toast and take a compliment.
28. How to be gracious in victory and defeat.
29. When to talk and when to listen.
30. At least one true friend who will be there whenever he calls.
31. The fundamental workings of the female psyche.
32. The Ten Commandments.
33. The importance of trying to follow them.
34. His way around a kitchen.
35. The futility of unrequited love.
36. The ecstacy of unconditional love.
37. How to open a bottle of champagne.
38. How to close a deal.
40. The magic of a woman.
39. ? that must be her age.
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