INSULTS AND RUDENESS!!!!! - CAUTION: some of the following content may offend - Personal - http://maxpages.com/justsum1/Insults_and

If you love someone, cover her in whipped cream.
Please return stewardess to the original upright position.
Dear Santa: All I want is a copy of your list of naughty girls.
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!
Average: 6 inches and 34B.
Women vs beer: You know you're the first one to pop a beer.
Not in the mood for sex? Point and laugh, it'll go away.
"Alchohol: The more you drink, the less you think." -Dinosaurs
Now now @FN@, you know you'll go blind!
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, but Jill prefers the candlestick.
"We're talking about sex, right?" -Homer Simpson
If at first you don't succeed, try Vaseline.
All I want for Christmas is a blonde wrapped in cellophane.
Nothing says "I love you" better than six hours of nonstop sex.
No! Nothing like that! I'm just disabling your "virgin" feature.
A hard man is good to find.
Alchoholism isn't a disease, it's a goal.
Spankings. They're not just for birthdays anymore.
Sass: Know, be aware of, meet, have sex with.
For my next trick, I'll need a blonde volunteer and a condom.
Love cums in spurts.
If sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.
A 3«" hard is better than a 5¬" floppy.
If you love someone, lick her 'til she screams.
Men versus beer: A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.
Women-to-English: I'm not upset <=> Of course I'm upset, you moron.
Men vs Cucumbers: The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
Moosehead: Great beer, and a new experience for the moose.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Unzip, expand, inflate, explode...what pervert came up with this?
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Stealth Condoms: They'll never see you coming.
A penny for your thoughts...$20 to act it out.
REAL women don't deflate when you bite them.
PKUNBTN LEVI.501 successful. Start PKSUK? (Y/n)
Dancing: A vertical manifestation of horizontal desire.
If you drink, don't park...accidents can cause people.
You call that sexual harassment? Check this out...
Save water--shower with a friend.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
A girl in the car is worth five in the phone book.
(((((SLEEP)))))(((((WITH)))))(((((ME)))))
Double Standard: Why guys get lucky and girls get a reputation.
Drink 'till she's cute.
If men got pregnant abortion would be safe, legal, & available
forever.
I used to have a psychic girlfriend but she dumped me before we met.
We accept Visa, MasterCard, AmEx, and Mariah Carey .GIFs
30 minutes of begging is *not* considered foreplay!
I forget the dream, but I'm missing my pajamas.
Familiarity breeds children.
ORG.ASM not found. Girlfriend NOT happy!
I'd feel better if you were blonde.
"Eve, what's a headache?" -Adam
Not all Blondes are dumb. But who REALLY ever checks?
Bo knows your girlfriend.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
Remember, December is National Breast Appreciation month.
Sex is natural except when done right.
Many a dumb blonde is in reality a smart brunette.
A pill a day keeps the stork away.
Hacker: One who knows 867 ways to have sex but can't get a date.
Wanted: Meaningful, overnight relationship...
Be naughty--save Santa the trip!
"Well Robin, time to suck the old bat-dick." -Batman
Sects, sects, sects...is that all you monks ever think about?
Live long and orgasm.
If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer.
Lingerie is to women as giftwrap is to Christmas presents!
To some, it's a six pack. To me, it's a support group.
Shareware? Reminds me of a girl in my high school!
[continued from last message] sex [continued in next message]
"The other man's is always thicker." -Russian proverb Sexual harassment will no longer be reported. It will be GRADED!
A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.
I invest in negotiable blondes.
Respect you in the morning? I don't even respect you *NOW*!
Safe Sex: Marrying a virgin.
What's a beer between friends? Not enough beer.
Men come in 3 sizes: Small, Average, and DAMN that's gonna hurt!
69 means being heads over heels in love.
Behind every great man is his BUTT.
My girlfriend is under a lot of pressure (26 PSI approximately).
You can't read a girl like a book but it's fun browsing the pages.
Not hungry. Not homeless. Will work for sex.
Mary had a little lamb. Talk about kinky.
Honest, officer! I was just eating the fries she dropped.
Love is Law. Lust is a subordinate clause!
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to remove it.
How do I love thee? Shhhh...this is a family conference
Whip me, Mistress, whip me...OOPS!...wrong echo!
Bestiality: And they call it puppy love.
Drink 'till she's cute. Stop before you get married.
Anatomy: A lab course that most students prefer to take after hours.
Polly doesn't want a damn cracker. Polly wants a beer.
Where there's a whip, there's a way!
So I said to my boyfriend, "Don't be a fool! We'll take the million!"
The ends justify the jeans.
Bisexual: Someone who likes girls as well as the next guy.
Water kills more people than alchohol. Remember the flood?
Sex (check one): Male [ ] Female [ ] First Available [X]
Sex, sex, ducks! (Don't ask...)
Virgins for sale! Sorry, no returns accepted.
Car sticker: Don't laugh! Your daughter might be in here.
Of course I'll respect you in the morning. Now roll over.
Love is blind. Lust has 20/20 vision.
Pro-Lifers insist on labouring over a misconception.
Sex (M/F): Y
Contraceptives should be used at every conceivable opportunity.
"Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in."
Do it once, do it right, and *maybe* she'll let you do it again.
Adult Bookstore: The pubic library.
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
Men vs Cucumbers: Cucumbers stay hard for at least a week.
I quit drinking and smoking once. Very boring 15 minutes.
What does please enter your sex mean Mr. Sysop?...NO CARRIER
Cucumbers vs Men: You can eat the whole cucumber, skin 'n' all.
If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else.
I'm somewhere between the age of consent and collapse.
Rope: (n) device used for babysitting. Or for sex.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Room service? I need cherries, whipped cream and a rope.
Children are the most common form of sexually transmitted disease.
Slut: A woman with the sexual morals of a man.
IMPOTENT.SYS resident, hard drive inactive. Insert floppy? (Y/n)
It ain't bestiality if the sheep loves you!
Remember when safe sex was not getting caught?
To be popular a girl must do the wrong thing at the right time.
I'm descended from a line my mother listened to.
Life's a bitch, then you marry one.
(In the men's room) Michelle. If you're reading this, we're finished.
I gave her something we can both enjoy--a sweater.
A man is as young as the woman he feels.
Some women show a lot of style and some styles show a lot of women.
My girlfriend gives good headache.
A PC takes the guesswork out of it. So does a bikini.
Wench: What you use to turn the head of a dolt.
Brassiere: Something that makes mountains out of molehills.
Girls suck, until you ask them to.
Children should be seen and not had.
Sex instructor, first lesson free.
Sex (M/F): Could you repeat the question?
Remember when sex was safe and jumping off bridges was deadly?
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
What's home without Mom? A great place to take girls!
A dirty mind is, well, a wonderful thing.
I dreamt I was a bar of soap in Elle's shower.
God created silk so that women could be naked while fully clothed.
"A terrible thing happened to me last night--nothing."
(In the men's urinal) THE FATE OF QUEBEC IS IN YOUR HANDS!
A wife lasts as long as a marriage. An ex-wife is forever.
BOSS spelled backwards is double S-O-B.
I know my boyfriend had sex before we met, but he didn't enjoy it!
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing.
Behind every successful man is a woman who wants a fur coat.
Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved.
I was talking during sex and my girlfriend hung up.
Bad Day: Your wife greets you at the door in a nightie--on her way IN!
Girls just wanna have fun. Guys just wanna have girls.
To brighten up your boyfriend's evening, sit with him in the dark.
999: Girlfriend of the beast.
Breaking and Entering--crime of having sex with a virgin.
On the subject of SEX: I'm in favor of it.
How do women get mink? The same way mink get mink.
All this beer and only one mouth.
PKUNZIP? What, is my fly down?
Is that all you ever think about, @FN@?
Flies spread disease--keep yours zipped.
"My shirt was so tight, the men could hardly breathe!"
The age of discretion is the age of impotence.
Unicorns aren't nearly as mythical as virgins.
Bad day...my inflatable girlfriend exploded.
The word of the day is "legs". Spread the word!
Breakfast tomorrow? Shall I call you or nudge you?
Love thy neighbour...just don't get caught!
One beer gets me drunk...usually the 47th.
Chaste makes waste.
The best way to love thy neighbour is when your girlfriend is away.
50% of men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
A girl a day keeps the wife away.
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Celibacy is *NOT* an inherited characteristic.
When a girl has nothing on her mind she's thinking of her outfit.
Blondes have more fun--because I only date blondes!
Some girls think swimsuits are indecent. Others have good figures.
Why beer is better: Eating cucumbers to forget doesn't work.
Drama in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater.
It isn't the cost of a strapless gown--it's the upkeep.
Sexometer: ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ°°°°°°°°° 64%. Keep trying, babe!
A dress that makes a girl look slim often makes others look 'round.
4 out of 5 Sysops prefer donuts...1 prefers women...but she's strange.
True love means sleeping in the wet spot.
"Anything you say will be held against you..." "Michelle Pfeiffer!"
If all the world's a stage, where are the gratuitous sex scenes?
A woman drove me to drink. I never properly thanked her.
Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
Virginity is curable if caught early enough.
Hefty Condoms...for when you pick up real trash!
Why beer is better: It's always in season.
Taking your wife to Paris is like taking a sandwich to a banquet.
Nuclear submarines major problem: Whale mating season.
If you think YOU feel good, try feeling me!
I'm a sensitive person, especially my inner thighs.
Arms control: Slapping a fresh boyfriend.
If she's a ski bunny, I'd like to show her how rabbits get along!
The best way to fill out a pink slip is with a beautiful body.
A man is as good as he has to be, a woman as bad as she dares.
The difference between lust and love: Spit or swallow!
Sex on television can't hurt you--unless you fall off.
Blue Wave packets...now used for breast implants!
Objects under T-shirt are larger than they appear.
Chocolate syrup is good on ice cream, too.
Do you know what a virgin dreams of? I thought not.
Paid for my wife's breast implants. I put my money where my mouth is.
Help me look, please? I've lost my damn innocence again.
I never met a nymphomaniac...if I had, I wouldn't be here now!
Ask not for whom the belle trolls...
When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
I'd give my left breast to be Tutankhamen. Tit for Tut.
Life's a virgin. A bitch is too easy.
A PC takes the guesswork out of it. So does a bikini.
Copy protection: Just say "no".

SERIOUS INSULTS

Try cooling coffee by holding it closer to your heart.
The only time you have a heart is when you're playing cards.
If you're offended now, try playing my message backwards.
@N@ - A legend in his own mind.
Save your breath for your inflatable date.
If you're looking for trouble I offer a wide variety.
You've given me something to live for. Revenge.
And I'm sure Michael would love to toot your horn.
Here's a quarter. Call someone who cares.
I'd really love to break your heart.
Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest...?!
I find your breath offensive. It keeps you alive!
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ass.
Guess we know where Michael Jackson left that other glove.
You might as well live.
My twit filter runneth over.
I'm patient with stupidity but not with those proud of it.
Don't go away mad...just go away!!
Justified flamethrowing withheld at Moderator's request.
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.
I'll let you have the last word if you guarantee it will BE your last!
If you knew what you're talking about you'd be dangerous.
The Caldecott Tunnel has less traffic than that vagina.
I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?
Some of us take longer to grow up than others.
Your trouble is your absence makes good company.

Insults Taglines

All you've ever licked in a fight is your wounds.
Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
Don't be humble. You're not that great.
For the last time, don't exaggerate!
Go ahead...say something...amuse your friends...both of 'em...
Have you ever modeled for Halloween masks?
He's so lazy he even hires someone to do his snoring for him.
Hear you've been sick. If I were you I'd be sick, too!
I hear the president is naming you Secretary of the Inferior.
I know you're not as stoopid as you seem. No one could be!
I'd like to pay you a compliment, but I can't think of a nice to say.
I'll let you have the last word if you guarantee it will be your last.
I'm amazed your knuckles don't bleed when you walk.
I'm glad you don't have a dual personality. This one's bad enough.
I've never TRIED to insult you. I've never HAD to try.
If I had a hammer, I'd hit you over the head.
Indians worship the cow. You worship an ass - yourself!
Let yourself go! No one wants you.
Nature is cruel. If you don't believe me...look in the mirror.
No one ever really knows themself. That certainly makes YOU lucky.
Nothing bad said about you is ever untrue.
Since you're thru telling me about yourself, got anymore slob stories?
The ugliest outfit you could wear is your birthday suit!
The way for you to find happiness is to get amnesia.
There's a whiskey named after you - Old Crow!
Try that refreshing new feeling - THINK!
Turn the key off...your mouth is still running.
Watch yourself! No one else can stand to.
What rubble under that stubble.
What you can do to stop obscene phone calls: Don't make them!
What you lack in good looks, you make up for in stoopidity.
When you are at a loss for words, your loss is our gain!
Why don't you do yourself a favor...break all your mirrors!
Why don't you help keep the world clean...get yourself sterilized!
You could be worse...you could be twins!
You don't know your own strength. You've never seen any.
You eat too much - it keeps you alive!
You give away a lot of advice. You only charge what it's worth.
You have HUGE ... Eyes! (Must be a hyperactive thyroid.)
You should go hang yourself in shame...and leave your body on it!
You're a free thinker. Your thoughts aren't worth anything.
You're a person who travels well. Now start travelling.
You're certainly thoughtless. I wish you were speechless, too.
You're no failure...you're not dead yet!
You're not bald. You just have an extra large part in your hair.
You're one in a million. Thank heavens!
You're so weak the only thing you've ever licked is people's boots.
You're something that happens once in a million years - thank heavens!
You've certainly got smooth skin - between the wrinkles, that is.
You've got a big hole in your head...now shut it!
Your ancestors were real swingers - from trees and gallows.
Your skin looks like baby skin - with diaper rash!

ICQ ME 24345339

just_sum_one@hotmail.com

Visitors: 32733

Page Updated Wed Sep 15, 1999 3:37am EDT