EDUCATION!! - Personal - http://maxpages.com/justsum1/Education

EXCUSE NOTES
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits.

Due to the enormous workload involved in law school combined with stress and lack of sleep, law students often forget (either by accident, defense mechanism, or intentionally) what their degree really is about. Thus, as a law student, I took it upon myself to create a small list of indicators to help us all remember what we really are.

YOU MIGHT BE A LAW STUDENT...

if you have no life and you can quote the Latin Maxim to prove it.
if you know the difference between a tort and a torte.
if you refer to events in your past and use the words "As I then was."
if you can't remember how to think for yourself.
if you chuckle whenever anyone says "ex turpi causa"
if you take your class notes on a laptop computer.
if when you look in a mirror, you see a law student.
if it is sunny and 40 degrees outside, and you are working on a Legal Research assignment.
if you frequently whistle the theme song to "Matlock."
if you can recite the names 7 out of 9 Supreme Court Justices from memory (I mean c'mon who can remember all 9)
if you have a pet named after Lord Denning.
if you stayed up all night last night working on your factum for Moot Court.
if you laugh at jokes about judges.
if you can translate English into Latin.
if you can't remember what's behind the door in the law school which says "Exit."
if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind chill factor in the library.
if you've just asked for your fifth extension your Sports Law paper.
if you frequently converse in "legalese"
if you are completely addicted to caffeine.
if you consider ANY non law course "easy."
if your professor asks you a question you answer with, "I'm sorry sir, but I haven't read the case."
if you preface your answers in class with, "I haven't read the case but..."
if you understood more than five of these indicators.
if you make a copy of this list, and post it on your door.
If these indicators apply to you, there is good reason to suspect that you might be classified as an LLB student. I hope this clears up any confusion.

THEIR WAY
(Sung to Frank Sinatra's "My Way," of course.)

I came, brought all my books, lived in the dorm, followed directions.
I worked, I studied hard, met lots of folk who had connections.
I crammed, they gave me grades, though may I say, not in a fair way.
But more, much more than this, I did it their way.

I memorized all sorts of things, although I know I'll never use them.
The courses that I took were all required; I didn't choose them.
I learned that to survive it's best to act the doctrinaire way.
And so I buckled down, and did it their way.

But there were times, I wondered why I had to walk when I could fy.
I had my doubts, but after all, I clipped my wings, I learned to crawl,
I learned to bend, and in the end, I did it their way.

And so, my fine young friend, now that I am a full professor,
Where once I was oppressed, I've now become the cruel oppressor.
Like me, you'll learn to cope, you'll learn to climb life's golden stairway.
Like me, you'll see the light, you'll do it their way.

For what can I say, what can I do? Open your book, read chapter two.
And if to you, it seems routine, don't speak to me, go see the dean.
As long as they give me my pay, I'll do it . . . their way!

Kids say the darnedest things. Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

WHAT KIDS SAY!
- The future of "I give" is "I take."
- The parts of speech are lungs and air.
- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
- Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
- (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
- A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
- The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
- A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.
- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
- One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
- To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.
- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
- The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.
- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
- The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
- In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
- A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

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Page Updated Wed Sep 15, 1999 3:37am EDT