DEFINITIONS - Ever wondered what those words REALLY meant!!!!! - Personal

ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

ANTONYM - The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.

BEAUTY PARLOR - A place where women curl up and dye.

BORE - A person with nothing to say and says it.

CANNIBAL - Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS - The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DECORUM - What you do to apples before you stew them.

DIPLOMACY - Letting them have it your way

DUST - Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST - Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

EXPERIENCE - 1. Recognizing a mistake the second time you
make it. 2. What you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

FLASHLIGHT - A case in which to hold dead batteries.

FRISBEETARIANISM - The belief that when you die, your soul
goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

GOSSIP - A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF - Cold Storage

IGNORANCE - When you don't know something and someone finds out.

JUNK - Something you need the day after you throw it away.

LOTTERY - A tax on people who are bad at maths.

MOSQUITO - An insect that makes you like flies better.

MYTH - A female moth.

OPTIMIST - Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.

PESSIMIST - An optimist with experience.

PURITANISM - The fear that someone somewhere might be happy.

RAISIN - Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET - Something you tell to one person at a time.

SHIN - A device for finding furniture in the dark.

SKELETON - A bunch of bones with the people scraped off.

SKILL - Successfully wallking a tightrope over Niagra Falls.

TOOTHACHE - The pain that drives you to extraction.

TORNADOES - God's answer to trailer parks.

YAWN - An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES - Something other people have. You have character lines.

MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY!!!

Artery-----------------The study of paintings
Bacteria---------------Back door of the cafeteria
Barium----------------What doctors do when their patient dies
Bowel-----------------A letter like A, E, I, O, U
Cesarean Section------A neighborhood in Rome
Cat Scan--------------Searching for the kitty
Cauterize--------------Made eye contact with her
Colic------------------A sheep dog
Coma-----------------A punctuation mark
D & C----------------Where Washington is
Dilate------------------To live long
Enema-----------------Not a friend
Fester-----------------Quicker
Fibula-----------------A small lie
Genital----------------Not a Jew
G.I.Series-------------An army ball game
Hangnail--------------Coat hook
Impotent--------------Distinguished; well known
Labor pains-----------Getting hurt at work
Medical staff----------A doctor's cane
Morbid---------------A higher offer
Nitrates---------------Cheaper than day
Node-----------------Was aware of
Outpatient-------------A person who fainted
Pap smear-------------A fatherhood test
Pelvis------------------A cousin to Elvis
Post-operative---------A letter carrier
Recovery room--------A place where they do upholstery
Rectum----------------Dang nearly killed him
Secretion--------------Hiding something
Seizure----------------A Roman emperor
Tablet-----------------A small table
Terminal illness--------Getting sick at the airport
Tumor-----------------Add two
Urine------------------Opposite to you are out
Varicose---------------Near by
Vein-------------------Conceited

DICTIONARY OF DATING

ATTRACTION the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT
1st SIGHT what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely
choosy people meet.

DATING the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time,
and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom
you don't especially like in the present and will learn
to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing
special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom,
and dating repulsive men.

EASY a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual
morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to
a man that she is interested in him. Despite being
advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking
a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the
shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes
are not located in her chest.

FRIEND a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who
has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally
unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to
by the man as "playing hard to get."

INTERESTING a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all
the talking.

IRRITATING
HABIT what the endearing little qualities that initially
attract two people to each other turn into after a
few months together.

LAW OF
RELATIVITY how attractive a given person appears to be is directly
proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more
often than he does.

SOBER condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

Words that shouldnt exist but do
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn
the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of
running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection
(lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will
somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for
one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open
here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the
'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh
ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
you're only six inches away.

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just_sum_one@hotmail.com

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Page Updated Wed Sep 15, 1999 3:37am EDT