BLONDE JOKES - Personal - http://maxpages.com/justsum1/Blonde

Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ears.

Q. What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A. You hear about them all the time, but you never see one.

Q. A blonde and a brunette are pushed out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. The brunette, because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

Q. What do you call 25 blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.

Q. What do you call 10 blondes in a refridgerator?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You can park in the handicap zone.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A. There's white-out on the screen.

Q. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A. There's writing on the white-out.

Q. How did the blonde die ice-fishing?
A. She was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A. "Thanks for the refill!"

Q. Why do blondes have more fun?
A. They are easier to keep amused.

Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.

Q. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q. What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A. Change.

Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.

Q. How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A. Give her a bag of M & M s and tell her to alphabetize them.

Q. What goes: VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH... VROOM... SCREECH?
A. A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A. She missed.

Q. What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase?
A. "It's okay Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of a Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde #1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde #2: Well you better hurry up and try harder, because it's starting to rain and the top is down!

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

    Did you hear about the blonde who locked her keys in the car? It took her an hour to get her family out of the car.

Q. How do blonde brain cells die?
A. Alone

     There was this typical peroxide blonde. She was really tired of being made fun of and being called a ditz, so she decided to get a makeover. She went to a salon and had her hair done so that she was, once again, a brunette. Now that she was a brunette, she decided she would take a drive in the country. So she hopped into her convertible and started driving.
     She saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, looking skeptical, said she could.
     So the blonde looked at the flock and said, "157." The farmer was amazed because she was right. She picked one out and was getting in her car when the farmer walked up to her.
     "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Q. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant

   Three blondes were walking through a forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
   The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think these are bird tracks."
   The second blonde looked at them and said, "No, these are deer tracks."
   The third blonde looked down, and BOOM!!! she gets run over by a train.

     A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve.
     "Oh, goodness, six please," said the blonde. "I don't think I could ever eat twelve!"

     One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!" The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a
plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.

They all decided that one person should get off because if
they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette
said, "I'll get off."

After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she
would get off, all of the blondes started clapping. Problem
solved.

Three women are about to be executed.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if
she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if
she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts,
"Ready! ... Aim!!..."
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her
forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..."
...and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

Blonde and Public Works

A blonde woman who had been unemployed for several months finally
got a job with Public Works.
This was a little old town, so her job was to paint lines down
the center of a rural road using a paint brush.
The Supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must
stay at or above the set minimum of 2 miles per day of lines.
The blonde agrees and starts right away.
The Supervisor checked at the end of day one and found that the
blonde had completed 4 miles, double the required average.
The next day, however, he was disappointed to find
that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles.
The Supervisor thought, "Well, she's at the average and I don't want
to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."
The third day, the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought,
"I need to talk to her before this gets worse."
The boss called the blonde in and said, "The first day you did 4 miles,
the second day 2 miles and yesterday only 1 mile.
Why? Is there an injury? A problem? Equipment failure?
What's keeping you from meeting the minimum 2 miles per day?"
The blonde replied, "Well, each day
I keep getting farther and farther away from the paint bucket!"

Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an
obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over
intending to offer them a drink on the house. When he gets
close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"
Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so
special about 17 days?"

Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been
spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said
3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 news. The current
news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump.
The station cuts to a commercial.

Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.
Blonde: OK.

(back to newscast)
He jumps.

Blonde: OK Here's my $20.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on
the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.
Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he
would be stupid enough to jump twice.

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Page Updated Sat Sep 18, 1999 2:33am EDT