"It's kinda like 'Room 101', but with no budget, no Paul Merton, no celebrities, and no good" - Bob Royson, Head of Shoulders TV International.

PEOPLE WHO STAND UP IN TV PROGRAMMES LIKE RICKI LAKE, OR TRISHA AND SAY SOMETHING JUST TO GET CLAPPED BY THE AUDIENCE.

PEOPLE IN SUCH AUDIENCES WHO CLAP ALONG TO ANY MUSIC THAT ANYONE EVER DOES ON TV, LOUDLY, AND OUT OF TIME.

PEOPLE IN FILMS WHO SAY A 'HEART WARMING' SPEECH AT THE END, eg. "WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?", OR "I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU. YOU KNOW THAT".

STUPID LISPY NO-TEETH-AT-THE-FRONT AMERICAN CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY ON FILMS OR TV eg. THAT GIRL IN 'MRS DOUBTFIRE' WHO WAS IN MATILDA.

PEOPLE WHO AFTER BEING INSULTED BY SOMETHING LIKE "YOU FUCKING SPAZ! SPAZ!", SAY THINGS LIKE "ARE YOU?" OR "DO YOU?" OR "I KNOW YOU ARE, YOU SAID YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?" IN AN ATTEMPT TO BE CLEVER.

CHEESE. IT SMELLS, IT TASTES VILE, AND IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN MADE......EVER!

MOTHS. I CAN'T STAND THEM ANYWHERE NEAR ME, OR THE SOUND THEY MAKE AS THEY BANG INTO YOUR LIGHTBULB AND THEN YOU LAMPSHADE. THEY ALWAYS LOOK TO ME AS IF THEY ARE SHABBY VERSIONS OF BUTTERFLIES. THEY SHOULD BE DESTROYED, AND IF NOT NOW, THEN EVEN SOONER.

ENGLISH OR PRETEND ENGLISH PEOPLE ON AMERICAN PROGRAMMES. THEY ALWAYS TAKE THE PISS OUT OF US. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO WORLD WAR II. IN FACT THE OTHER DAY, I HEARD SOMEONE ON JIMMY NEUTRON READING SHAKESPEARE WITH A COCKNEY ACCENT. WHAT THE FUCK?!!

WRESTLING. WE ALL KNOW IT'S FAKE, THE WRESTLERS HAVE SAID IT'S FAKE, SO WHY DON'T WRESTLING FANS BELIEVE IT WHEN WE SAY IT'S FAKE? AND MORE TO THE POINT, WHY HASN'T IT BEEN STOPPED? THERE'S NOTHING MASCULINE ABOUT WATCHING GROWN MEN IN LEOTARDS SWATING IN A RING.

CATS. THEY'RE THE MOST DIGUSTING CREATURES. THEY SHOULD BE BURIED UP TO THEIR NECKS IN CEMENT, AND THEIR HEADS SHOULD BE REPEATEDLY KICK UP TO AND BEYOND DEATH.

OLD MICHEAL DOUGLAS. WHY IS HE IN FILMS WHICH I LIKE, HAVING RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE LIKES OF SHARON STONE, DEMI MOORE, KATHLEEN TURNER, MARRYING CATHERINE ZETA JONES AND IMPREGNATING HER? (THERE'S A PATTERN EMERGING HERE - WOMEN = TALENTED AND GOOD LOOKING, MICHEAL DOUGLAS = OLD, TALENTLESS, UGLY, OLD AND OLD). AND NOW, THE FINAL INSULT - SOON TO STAR IN A FILM WITH MERYL STREEP! WHY? DAMN YOU GOD! DAMN YOU TO HELL! AND PLUS, EVERYONE KEEPS SAYING HE LOOKS REALLY GOOD, WHEN HE'S CLEARLY TRIPPING OVER HIS JOWLES. LET'S JUST HOPE HE'S DEAD BEFORE DYLAN HAS TO SEE HIM.

STAR WARS. IT'S TYPICAL OF AMERICAN CRAP. EVERYONE WANTED TO SEE THE PREQUEL AS IF IT WAS GOOD OR SOMETHING. AS IF IT'S CLEVER. AS IF THE SPECIAL EFFECTS WERE GOOD. (sarcasm)I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH JAA JAA BINKS LOOKS REAL. PLUS, THE SECOND 'DARKER' EPISODE WAS SHIT AS WELL. JUST GET THE THIRD ONE OUT AND LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE WHOLE SORRY AFFAIR.
"Mees'a moy moy FUCKING SHIT!!!"

WE CAN'T SAY HIS NAME, BECAUSE LAST TIME, HE FREAKED OUT AND WENT INTO A SOME SORT OF SPAZ FIT, AND HIS MUM THOUGHT THAT HITMEN WERE GOING TO KILL HIM. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT (sarcasm)I LOOK BOTHERED, NO, GET THIS, I REALLY DO. ANYWAY, THAT SAID, HE IS A SPAZ, HE IS MENTALLY DISTURBED, AND HE DOES DESERVE TO BE PUT LEGALLY TO DEATH BY BEING SHOT THOUGH THE BACK OF HIS BIG EARRED HEAD. END OF STORY. HIS NAME IS STEVEN YATES.
(This probably won't mean anything to you, but who cares?)

OLD PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT EVERYTHING WAS BETTER FOR THEM IN THE OLD DAYS AND COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING. AND THEY ALWAYS THINK THEY CAN GET ON AND OFF OF BUSES FIRST, LIKE THEY'VE GOT A GOD GIVEN RIGHT. STUPID FUCKING OLD PEOPLE!!!

UNIVERSITY STUDENTS WHO READ HARRY POTTER AND GO ON AND ON ABOUT HOW GOOD IT IS.

WEB SITE LINKS THAT DON'T WORK.

STEVEN SPIELBURG. IF YOU LOOKS CLOSELY, IN ALL HIS FILMS YOU CAN SEE THE AIR OF SMUGGNESS HE EMITS. AND HIS FILMS ARE SHIT. AND THE NEW 20TH ANNIVERSARY E.T. IS SHIT AS WELL!!!