 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
Top 10 Hates of Nic and Joe
Our Favourite Women
The Lives of Bob and Roy
Men Behaving Badly
Encyclopaedia Jonika
|
|
| The Lives and Deaths of the Legedary Bob Royson and Roy Bobson |
 |
| The Untold Story |
| ||||||
| Bob Royson and Roy Bobson were born in 1912 respectively and again the next year. They grew up in New York, round about the time of half past three in the morning. The next day, they were dead. But luckily, they made a pact with the devil, and were allowed to live for another eighty years. Robert Robertson Robby Rob Rob Bob Bobby Billybob Bobalemon Royson or 'Bob' for short was educated at the Nottingham School for Girls and was the only one there to wear a dress. He left school with a good understanding of Latin, Mathematics and transvestasism. His first job was a the Muffscuffler Pig Electrocuting Farm where he studied dead pigs. He married Doris McRiceFumble in 1935 and joined the army in 1939. He died in action, and when the war ended, he started his own circus. His main atractions were the clowns, the dancing elephants and 'Dennis the Hideous Mule-Faced Boy'. He was arrested for treason and was hanged until dead in 1949. In 1950, he moved to Africa, disguised as a blind beggar to seek his fortune, but died of Cyphilis after twelve days. Bob, interviewed in 1969 - "Now, I was in the middle of my story, wasn't I? The year was 2324, and Science had just been invented. I’d just finished a sixteen year course in Science the previous year. Anyway, one day I’m in my lab, and I mix this potion up, containing such things as bleach, cyanide, Nesquick, and the scrapings from an empty tin of Pedigree Chum. One day I had a mug of Cuppa Soup in my lab, and I wasn’t paying attention. I accidentally drank my potion, which tasted rather like urine, no doubt due to the pint of moring piss which I filtered in. There was no immediate affect on my system, and so I assumed it was okay. The next day, I woke up only to find that I’d turned into a dog, can you believe it?! A few seconds later, or an hour to be precise, I turned back into my human form. But it was not over. The next morning had the same dog related events, except this time, it lasted longer. Over the next weeks, my dog form lasted longer and longer, until I was just a dog. But I was not any old dog, oh no. I was the biggest dog in the world. Rather like ‘Digby, the Biggest Dog in the World’, the famous 1974 film, which incidentally, was based on my life. And you know what? I looked shit. I looked like a normal dog, in front of a shit-ass model village. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and so I decided to solve crimes in my own unique way. Just as Sherlock Homes needed Watson, I too needed a partner. So I decided to give the potion to my pet dog, Clide, and he turned into Clide, the Smallest Human in the World and so we solved crimes together. But then one day, we were experimenting with my teleportation device, and it accidentally spliced our DNA, and we re-formed and amalgamated into a new type of detective, with the combined powers of a tiny human and a massive dog". Roy Barrowby Bobson, was educated. Roy was interviewed in 1997, shortly before the accident which killed him. Here he is addmiting to paralysing Kathrine Hepburn...in his own words...a bit. "During the war years, I was a Blacksmith. I helped to build bombs and things. Anyway, one day, I’m in me workshop, and this man comes in, he wants this candlestick fixing. It was all bent you see. So he says - “Hey, buddy. I want you to fix my candlestick!” You know who it was, don’t you. It was only the Hollywood actor Cary Grant! So I fixes this candlestick, and he thinks it’s so good, that he asks me over to America, to live in his house for free and everything! So I went like, and it was amazing! One day, Cary asks if I want to be in his new film, so I goes “Okay”, and he takes me to the studio. I was only the gaffer, gaffer tape having been invented the previous year. There was this scene where Katherine Hepburn, I think it was, either her or Alfred Hitchcock. Well whoever it was, there was this scene where she or he ice-skates. They couldn’t afford real ice, so they just made the floor slippy. Anyway, me being new and everything, there was this bit of wire not taped down right, and Katherine stroke Alfred skids off the set, and his or her ice skate blade slices right through the wire, and she or he is paralysed right down the left hand side. Tragic. Needless to say they weren’t best pleased and I was thrown out of the country". Y'know, one of these days, I'll finally finish this story, but keep 'em peeled, 'cause here's what's commin' next - RELIVE BOB'S STRUGGLE IN WORLD WAR SIX! DISCOVER NORMAN WISDOM'S SCRET MAFIA GANG SECRET! All comming, when I can be bothered to move my fingers and type. In the mean time, sign The Bob and Roy Dreambok, because we're tired of signing it ourselves. |
|
. |
| Visitors: 00376 |