CLINTON JOKEZ - Entertainment - http://maxpages.com/jokesrule/CLINTON

Your all going to get a laugh out of this page. It is probably the only page with Clinton jokes like these. You are also going to enjoy this page.

CLASIC CLINTON JOKES

How does Clinton practice safe sex?
He doesn't light the cigar.

When Jennifer Flowers was asked if the relationship she shared with the President was similar to that experienced between the President and Monica Lewinsky, Jennifer replied, "It was close - but no cigar."

If Bill and Hillary were on a sinking ship, who would survive? "The Nation"

Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill, the minutes he comes upstairs from the Oval Office?
She wants to be the First Lady

Clinton's Presidential Anthem--Kneel to the Chief form bsg

The Marine Corps Band at the White House recently got new sheet musice for "Jail to the Cheat."

What does Bill Clinton call Monica's ears ?"Love Handles"

What's the difference between the leader of Islamic Terrorism and the leader of the United States Of America?
One's Bin Laden, the other's bin laid in the White House!

Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic Party logo from a donkey to a condom because it represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security while you are being screwed.

Bill Gates is in town (New York) showing all the computer executives how well Windows 98 works. But computer executives say that Windows 98 goes down
so much they are thinking about renaming it "MONICA"

Try this....

Open Word and type....
I'd like to impeach Bill Clinton

Then highlight this phrase and click on Tools...Thesaurus...

It's pretty funny...

The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica's dress: "Presidue"

What does the D.C. in Washington, D.C. stand for?
Disappearing Cigar

Did you know that Hillary is writing a new book?
The title is: "it takes a village..... to satisfy my husband."

Bill Clinton was walking around the White House with a pair of women's panties hung over his arm. When asked why, he replied" I'm on the patch."

What were Clinton's picks for the Final Four basketball tournament?
A: 1. Moorehead State 2. Ball State 3. Bringham Young 4. Oral Roberts U.

What would Bill Clinton get if he took Viagra?
Taller

I heard that Clinton called Sammy Sosa to congratulate him on his 62nd home run. "How do you do it?," he asked Sosa. "I can only get to third base."

What will Clinton's presidency be remembered for?
Following bush.

Monica walks into the Oval Office one morning. President Clinton looks up and says, "you know, I've liked that dress since I first spotted it."

Bill's nickname for Hillary is, "My little buttercup"
His nickname for Monica? "My little suctioncup"

PERFECT DAY IN THE WHITE HOUSE

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage
5:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, prim before the mirror
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:30 Make love
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blowjob
6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today
7:00 Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport
8:15 Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ)
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club
9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under)
11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens
12:15 Blowjob
12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini)
2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap)
3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew
4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs.)
5:00 G4 back to GSO, massage & hand job en route by naked Kathy Ireland
6:45 Shit, shower and shave
7:00 Watch CNN news flash: Clinton resigns, Hillary and Al Gore farm animal video released and authenticated. (Hillary has a secret mole, Al looks real cold)
7:30 Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak
9:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar
9:30 Sex with three women (preferably at least two with mixed race origin)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi 11:45 Bed (alone)
11:50 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves the room
11:55 Sleep

Sam Albahari
69 Jokes Road
Westport	Road	jokes
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JrDuke100m@AOL.com

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Page Updated Fri May 14, 1999 8:20pm EDT