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| Court Funnies |
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These are all actual conversations said in court between the prosecuter and the defendent!
Q. Mr. Johnson, how many times have you committed suicide?
A. Oh, I'd say about four or five
Q. Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q. Your son, the 10 year old, how old is he?
Q. Doctor, how many of your autopsies have been performed on dead people?
A. All of my autopsies have been on dead people.
Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!
Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
Q. Were you aquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Before or after he died?
Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
A. Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral.
Q. What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A. She is my daughter.
Q. Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
Q. Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?
Q. ...and what did he do then?
A. He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q. So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
Q. Could you see him from where you were standing?
A. I could see his head.
Q. And where was his head?
A. Just above his shoulders.
Q. ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A. The victim lived.
Q. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
A. I have only one, you know.
Q. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
Q. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
Q. Were you alone or by yourself?
Q. How long have you been a French Canadian?
Q. So you were gone until you returned?
Q. She had three children, right?
A. Yes.
Q. How many were boys?
A. None.
Q. Were there girls?
Q. You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, sounded like, or smelled like, but can you describe it?
Q. You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes.
Q. And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q. Have you lived in this town all your life?
A. Not yet. |
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