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| Rude Jokes!!!!!!!!!! 1. A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it was her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas"? The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe". Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken". "No", said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken". 2. The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. He asked the Cardinal, "What's a four letter word for a woman that ends in u-n-t?" The Carinal replied, "Aunt?" The Pope says, "Thanks. Say, got an eraser?" 3. A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell you,"the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend." "I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience." "Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got really sore." 4. It's 3am and a white guy is stumbling home after a party. As he walks over a bridge he decides he needs the toilet. He undoes his tousers and starts to pee into the water. As his is listening to his pee hit the water a black bloke comes along and says "That's a fine idea mate, mind if I join you?". The white guy replies "Feel free". As the white guy continues to listen to the splash of his own pee it suddenly dawns on him 'Hey! the black guy aint making any noise'. He wonders if this is because he hasn't started yet or because as rumours say 'black guys have big dicks' and maybe it is almost touching the water! Out of sheer curiousity he turns to the black guy and says "I'm quite amazed how far down that water is." The black guy turns back and says "Yeah man, I was suprised to find out how deep it was too!" 5. A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier". The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages. 6. A lady goes to the doctor's office and tells the doctor that she can't get her husband to have sex with her anymore. So, the doctor gives her some pills and says to give her husband one each night in his dinner whenever she wants to have sex. That night she gave him one and they had a decent night of sex. The next night she decided to try 4 pills and she had even better sex. Well the next night she tried 8 pills and the sex was wonderful. So the next night she decided to dump the whole bottle in his dinner. The next day her son showed up at the doctor's office and and said,"Doctor, Doctor, what did you do to my Daddy? My mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my butt hurts, and my dad's going around saying here kitty, kitty, kitty!" 7. There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses." 8. There was a shoe sales man siting in his store when a beautiful woman comes in. He looks at her and can't stop staring. While helping her try on a pair of shoes he glances up her skirt to find she isn't wearing any panties. He started thinking and something slipped out. The man said "I'd like to fill your pussy with ice cream and lick it all out!" Hearing this the woman runs out to tell her husband. She says, "Honey, this shoe salesman said he'd like to fill my pussy up with ice cream and lick it all out!" "Now go kick his ass!". The husband replied "Dear, anyone that can eat that much ice cream, I ain't fuckin' with!" 9. Once there was an old man sitting on a bench in the park crying. A younger man walked up to him and asked "What's wrong?" The old man replied "I am married to a sexy 21 year old woman who gives me two blowjobs a day and we have sex the minute I get home from work and right after dinner." The young man had a strange look on his face and asked "What's so bad about that? It sounds to me like you have a great sex life." The old man replied "I can't remember where I live!" 10. A guy was playing golf, a golf ball hit him in the balls and he passed out. His friends took him to the doctor. The man asked him, "Well, what do you think, doc?" The doctor replied," We're going to have to put in a support for about a week." He then takes four tongue depressors and ties them all together with string. The man's face looked disappointed, he told the doctor"But tonight's me and my wife's honeymoon." The doctor replied, "Your going to have to bear with it." Later that night, the man and his wife were in bed. She took off her shirt and grabs her breasts,"No one has ever seen these before." The man pulls out his wang and says, "Well mines still in the crate!" |
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