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| Irish Jokes |
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| Did you hear the one about the Irishman who went to Vegas? He lost all his money on a Parking Meter. What's the definition of Irish foreplay? Brace yourself, Maggie. What d'you call two Irish gays? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick An Irishman's wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning the Irishman. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman. How d'you confuse an Irishman? Put him in a circular room and tell him to sit in the corner. When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes! Billy and Pa' were walking in the woods when they came across a sign saying, "Tree Fellers wanted". One of them said, "Ye know, it's a shame paddy isn't here. We could have gotten the job". One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!" *long joke coming up(but worth it!)* The initiation test... An Irishman, An Englishman and a Scotsman were in the waiting room at the FBI headquarters, waiting for their initiation tests for the "Different Ethical Background Officers Recruitment Program." Anyway, the Englishman was called up into the interview room. Minutes he came out with a woman, holding her by the hand and saying he "just couldn't do it." The Scotsman went in next, and minutes later, he too came out with a woman, except he was in tears and saying "I couldn't believe they were asking me to do it." The Irishman went in last, dreading what was about to happen. When he went in, he saw his wife sitting down. There was also an FBI agent, who spoke first- "Hello Mr Paddy (the Irish man's name), I will leave the room, and when I come back i wil expect to see a bullet hole in your wifes head!" So the FBI agent went out the room, and from outside he could hear six gunshots, then a lot of banging and screaming. He went back in. When he went back in the room, he saw the Irishman looking very sweaty and his wife dead with a blood soaked head. "My God, what did you do Paddy? You weren't actually supposed to kill her!" "Well the gun was loaded with blanks, so i picked up a chair and beat her to death!" |
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