JoKeR GuY's CrAzY JoKeS - The followin Joke's may not be apropriate for young children so if your young see the little x button in the upper right corner of this window click on it buh bye - Jokes

The followin Joke's may not be apropriate for young children so if your young see the little x button in the upper right corner of this window click on it buh bye

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Dracula dies and he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God refused to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done going around sucking blood & killing.
"I'll give you a chance to redeem your sins", said God

"I'll send you back to earth, but not in a human form.You can be reincarnated into any other living things of your choice. So, what would you like to be?"

Still unrepentant, Dracula said, "OK, I want to become a living thing with wings and sucks blood, heh,heh, heh."

"So be it", said God and He turned Dracula into a vampire bat.

So back to earth he went, flying around sucking the blood of animals until one day when he got killed by a farmer. So up he went again to meet God, feeling a little bit sheepish (and a little batty).

"I'll give you another chance", said God. "I'll send you back again. BUT not as a human or a bat. What will it be this time?"

Still adamant, Dracula said, "I still want to be a living thing with wings and sucks blood!"

God thought for a while and then said, "OK, if that's what you want", and turned Dracula into a mosquito.

So back to earth again he went, flying around and sucking blood until one day, splat, he was squashed by his victim. So up he went again to meet God, feeling stupid(and rather bugged)

"I'll give you one last chance to redeem yourself. but, this time you cannot become a living thing. You can only be turned into a non-living thing of your choice. So what will it be?" asked God.

Still stubborn, Dracula said, "Okayyyy...then turn me into a non-living thing with wings and sucks blood!! heh...heh..

"No problem," said God and He turned Dracula into a 'Sanitary Napkin'

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat"

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table"

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tattooed to his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the request. The Tattoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre
request.

The guy thinks for a while and decides that its a fair price. The designer starts the tattooing and in the middle of the job asks the man, "Why are you doing this?"

The man replies, "That's personal."

With that, the designer continues to do the tattoo. The designer intrigued by such a bizarre request he tells the customer, "I'll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why you are doing this."

The man thinks again and replies, "Okay, that's reasonable." The man continues, "There are three reasons, first I like to play with money, second I like to watch money grow, and third and the
most important, if my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, she can do it right at home."

Q.Why do brides smile when they walk down the aisle?
A.They know it's the last head job they'll ever have to give.

Q.How is a blonde and bowling ball alike?
A.You pick both up, finger them, throw them in the gutter and they come back for more!

Two Eskimos, a big one and a little one, go to their local Alaskan convent with a question.

The big one nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door."

Mother Superior answers the door.

Again, the big Eskimo nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question."

The little Eskimo timidly says, "May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?"

The Mother Superior answers, "There are no midget nuns living here."

The big Eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, "Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question."

The little Eskimo asks in a quavering voice, "Well. Are there any midget nuns in Alaska?"

The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, "Why no, I don't believe so."

With this the big Eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably.

"See", he says to the little Eskimo, "I told you that you screwed a penguin!"

Q.What's the difference between being a dentist and being a gynecologist?
A.The teeth.

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and ses him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing?" I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies,

"My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs,

"Not anymore!"

The wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night.
She looks at her husband and says, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looks up at her and replies, "Yes dear, I do, you wore that same negligee the night we were married."

"That's right." she replied, "And do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?"

He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhh, Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out!"

She giggles and says, "Yes, That was it. That was exactly what you said. And now it's 50 years later, I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"

Again, he looks up at her and looks her up and down and says,

"Mission Accomplished."

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Page Updated Thu Mar 16, 2006 11:31pm EST