JoKeR GuY StOrY JoKeS - Please feel free to send me jokes if i think that they're funny you might just see em :) please make the subject jokes : if recieve enough jokes i might add a page specificly for the jokes that are sent in and will give you credit for your joke - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/jokerguy/MoReJoKeR_GuY_StOrY

Please feel free to send me jokes if i think that they're funny you might just see em :) please make the subject jokes : if recieve enough jokes i might add a page specificly for the jokes that are sent in and will give you credit for your joke

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An Irishman is on his way home from a bar one night when he hears something in the bushes beside the road move. When he takes a closer look he discovers to his surprise a little man about three feet tall. The man is wearing a top hat, green clothing, and shoes with big buckles. The man from the bar gets all happy and says,
"I can't believe it, I got me a real live leprechaun." he then demands of the little guy his pot of gold.

At that point the little fellow says, "o.k., you got me, but if you want my pot of gold you'll have to bend over that tree stump over there".

The Irishman says, "I won't do that here you evil little man (in a thick accent)!!'.

The little guy then says, "Well, no gold for you".

The Irishman starts to think about his poor family and how the money will make him rich, so he says,

"Wait, no one is around so I guess I have to do it to get the pot of gold."

He bends over the log and the little guy hops him from behind. During the course of events the little guy asks,

"What's your name?"

The Irishman is in tears and says, "my name is Patty Murphy!"

The little guy then says, "how old are you Patty Murphy?"

Patty is still in tears and he yells, I'm 45 years old!"

The little guy is roaring with laughter at this point and says, "you're 45 Patty Murphy, and you still believe in leprechauns!!!!!!!!!!!"

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

An 85-year-old man marries a lovely 25-year-old woman. Because her new husband is so old, the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites so that the old fellow will not overexert himself.
After the festivities, she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough, the knock comes and there is her groom, ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well, whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes, there's a knock on the door and there is the old guy again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, she consents to further coupling, which is again successful, after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time, when there is another knock at the door. There he is again, fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for more. Again, they do the horizontal boogie. As they are laying in afterglow, the young bride says to him,

"I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one."

The old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says, "Was I already here?"

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blond. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn, so they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three gunny sacks and decided to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw. The deputy told him just three gunny sacks.

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them. So the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it......and she went "Bow-wow,"

so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one. Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went "Meow."

The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one. Then he kicked the one with the blond in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blond said "Potatoes."

An institution for the mentally ill, arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands so there wouldn't be any trouble. The day of the game was bright and sunny, and the group arrived just before the first pitch.
When it was time for the national anthem, the director yelled, "Up, nuts!" and the inmates immediately rose

.When the national anthem was over, the director yelled, "Down, nuts! "and the inmates sat.

The game proceeded, and the inmates were well behaved. When the home team made a good play, the director yelled, "Clap, nuts!" and the patients applauded just like normal fans.

Things were going so well that the director left his seat to go get a hot dog and a beer. But when he came back, there was a riot going on.

The director finally located his assistant and demanded, "What happened?"

"Everything was fine," the assistant said, "until some guy came over and yelled,

"Peanuts!"

A little boy and his mother were driving down the road one day and the little boy saw 2 dogs "doing it." He asked his mom what they were doing.
She answered, "They're making cake."

Later on he saw 2 cows "doing it" and he asked his mom what they were doing.

Again she answered, "They're making cake."

Later that night the little boy saw his mom and dad "doing it" and the next morning he said to his mom,

"Mommy, last night I saw you and daddy making cake and I licked the icing off the bed."

A guy walks up to a bartender and just stands there looking around the bar, after awhile the bartender begins to get impatient and asks the man if he can help him. The man replys yeah I do believe you can, you see that glass over there I bet you $200 I can pee in it without spilling a drop. The bartender goes are you crazy that glass is at least 30 ft away theres no way you can pee from here to there without spilling a drop. The man replys yeap I sure can. The bartenders thinking to himself easy money theres no way he can do it so he's like you've got a bet, but your gonna lose it cant be done. At this point the man asks for a moment and walks to the back of the room where he talks to two guys for a couple of seconds. He then walks back to the bartender whips out his penis and starts peeing now he's not peeing in the glass he's peeing on the bar on the bartender on the other patrons basically he is peeing everywhere but in that glass. The man stops peeingand puts away his penis, the bartender has a huge grin on his face with pee running down his cheek taps the man on the shoulder and chuckles and says I believe you owe me $2oo, the man's is like yeah I do one second please. The man walks to the back of the bar talks to the two men he was talking to earlier and then walks back to the bartender with a huge smile on his face and pays the bartender. The bartender is curious about this and goes why are you so happy you just lost $200, the man goes yeah but I bet the two men back there $600 a piece that I could pee all over you, your bar, and your patrons and you'd be happy about it.

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Page Updated Thu Mar 16, 2006 11:31pm EST