Home
Jokes
 Bar Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Mature Jokes
|
I apologize to any blondes in advance...
Fire! Fire!
--------------
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they were on top of a burning building.The firemen came and they forgot the trampoline to catch the 3 women; so they stole a blanket from a baby's crib. The firemen said, "We'll catch you!" The brunette jumped as they pulled the blanket away and she died. The firemen said, "We'll catch you!" The redhead said, "No, you're going to pull the blanket away." "No,we promise." So the red head jumed and they pulled the blanket away and she died. The firemen said,"We'll catch you, we promise." The blonde said, "No, you're going to pull the blanket away!" "No we won't!" So the blonde said, "I want you to put the blanket down and move away slowly. Then I'll jump."
Runaway
---------------
One day a blonde, a brunette and a red head were running away from the cops. They found a farmhouse and went inside loooking for a hiding place. The brunette sugested the loft. So up they went. They found 3 potato sacks. They hid in them. The police chased them into the loft. The police saw the three potato sacks. The policeman kicked the first one. "Meow" said the brunette, making the police think it was a cat. They kicked the second sack. "Woof" came the reply from the sack the red head was in. Then they kicked the blonde's sack. "Potato, potato" said the blonde. The police opened the sacks and arrested the three. The police lined them up to be shot. First was the brunette. They said, "Ready, Aim..." The brunette called out "AVALANCHE!!" The police looked around and the brunette ran away. Then they aimed at the red head. "Ready, Aim..." "TORNADO!!" the red head shouted. The police looked around and the red head ran away. Now it was the blonde's turn. They loaded their guns and were ready. "Ready, Aim..." The blonde yelled "FIRE!!"
Why was there lipstick on the blonde's steering wheel?
-----------She was trying to BLOW the horn.
How do you know if a blonde's been in your fridge?
-----------There's lipstick on the cucumbers.
Why does a blonde wear red lipstick?
-----------Red means "Wrong Hole."
Why does a blonde wear green lipstick?
-----------Red means "Wrong Hole."
What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic?"
-----------They know how many men went down on "The Titanic."
What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
-----------Bigfoot has been spotted.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
-----------They're both empty from the neck up.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
-----------Answer1: Ten, one to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
-----------Answer2: Three, one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
-----------Change.
How does a blonde kill a bird?
-----------She throws it off a cliff.
How does a blonde kill a fish?
-----------She drowns it.
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
-----------Spot.
What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
-----------The back of her head.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
-----------She fell out of the tree.
What do you call a blond skeleton in the closet?
-----------Last year's hide & seek champ.
What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
-----------One's a bunch of cunning runts.
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
-----------Tell her she's pregnant.
--------------What'll she ask you?
----------------------"Is it mine?"
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-----------None, Blondes screw in CARS, not lightbulbs.
The 6:00 News
----------------------
A blonde and a brunette are at a bar watching the 6:00 news. The lead story was footage of a man about to jump off a bridge. The brunette says to the blonde, "I bet you fifty bucks that the man jumps!" The blonde replies, "You're on!!" So the man jumps off the bridge and the brunette says, "I cant take your money, I watched the 5:00 news and saw him jump." The blonde says "I watched the 5:00 news too, but I didn't think that he'd jump again!!" |
|