Why be male? - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/jokeforyou/Why_be

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a
woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing
machine will never be
able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him
in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you
can tell them
apart.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was "Always".

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to
interrupt
her.

Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a
woman's sex drive by
90%....It's a Wedding cake.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffer-ring.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the
TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on
Rodeo Drive and
said "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your
willpower."

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it
once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through
life
thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention
to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness was
until I got married; and then it was too late."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it
cost to get
married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day !
I divorced her."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
beautiful.

Just becuase!

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Page Updated Sun Jul 10, 2005 8:44am EDT