Speech - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/jokeforyou/The

Aug. 17,1998

Clinton: Good evening.

(Yo)

This afternoon in this room, from this chair, I
testified before the Office of Independent Counsel
and the grand jury.

(Today, I got my ass dragged over the coals.)

I answered their questions truthfully, including
questions about my private life, questions no
American citizen would ever want to answer.

(I way lying like a sorry s.o.b. trying to cover my
sorry ass.)

Still, I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I
am speaking to you tonight.

(I got busted ,and Hillary said I had to give this
damn speech or she would cut my balls off.So here I am
trying to undo some of the damage.)

AS you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked
questions about my relationship with Monica Lewinsky.
While my answers were legally accurate, I did not
volunteer information.

(In January , I was lying to save my ass. All of you
dum asses out their don't know what a bitch Hillary
is when I play around and she finds out.)

Indeed, I did have a relationship with Miss
Lewinsky that was not appropriate.

(Lewinsky knows what the term "screwed by the
Government" means)

In fact, it was wrong.

(I loved it.)

It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and a
personal failure on my part for which I am solely
and completely responsible.

(I was horny.)

But I told the grand jury today and I say to you
now that at no time did I ask anyone to lie,to
hide or destroy evidence or to take any other
unlawful action.

(I didn't ask I told them to lie, hide, destroy,and to kiss ass what every the hell it took.To save my ass or they would not live)

I know that my public comments and silence about this
matter gave a false impression.

(False impression ,hell,I lied like a bitch)

I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply
regret that.

(I am up shit creek now with Hillary, the old bitch )

I can only tell you I was motivated by many factors.
First, by a desire to protect myself from the embarrassment of my own conduct.

(I thought I'd get away with the dam thing I have
many times before.)

I was also very concerned about protecting my family.

(My testicles is on the chopping block and Hillary
has a axe.)

The fact that these questions were being asked in a
politically inspired lawsuit, which has since been dismissed,was a consideration,too.

(I didn't think there was a chance in hell that I
would be in this shit.)

In addition, I had real and serious concerns about an independent counsel investigation that began with
private business dealings 20 years ago, dealings
I might add about which an independent federal
agency found no evidence of any wrong doing by me
or my wife over two years ago.

(My ass was worried that Ken Starr would dig up
more dirt on me and my wife. Wife hell she is a dog.)

The independent counsel investigation moved on to
my staff and friends, them into my private life.
And now the investigation itself is under investigation.

(I'm still continuing my efforts to discredit the people who've caught me with my hand in the Nookie jar.)

This has gone on too long, cost too much and hurt too
many innocent people.

(Cost hell look at what I pay for cigars.It looks like
everybody would just leave me the hell along.YES I
KNOW WHAT ALONE MEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now, this matter is between me, the two people I
love most my wife and our daughter and our god.

(Love what is this word,is it something like horny? Two
people hell, the bitch must have fucked a ape, and had
a kid!)

I must put it right, and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to do so.

(I just don't think I even said that.I got more bull
shit then anyone.)

Nothing is more important to me personally. But it is private, and I intend to reclaim my family life for my family. It's nobody's business but ours.

(The longer this shit goes on the bigger my chances
are of being recognized as a shit head who got to have
tender,young meat.The old bitch said it was her busineess.)

Even presidents have private lives. It is time to stop the pursuit of personal destruction and the prying into private lives and get on with our national life.

(People get the hell off me Hillary is kicking my
ass every time she gets me along.)

Our county has been distracted by this matter for too
long, and I take my responibility for my part in all
this. That is all I can do.

(I have made a big mess out of this county,but I do not
give a big shit.All I care about is saving my ass)

Now it is time in fact, it is past time to move on.

(If you don't stop, I will make all of you go out on
a date with Chelsea.)

WE have important work to do--real opportunities to seize, real problems to solve, real security matters to face.

(I need to come up with more ways to bull shit my way
out of matters like this one.)

And so tonight, I ask you to turn away from the spectacle
of the past seven months, to repair the fabric of our national discourse, and to return our attention to all the challenges and all the promise of the next American
century.

(Now that I've made a laughing stock out of the US,
and blown my credibility all to hell, why not just
forget it.Yes forget everything!!!!!!!!!!)

Thank you for watching.

(You s.o.b. enjoyed watching me get up here in this damn
mess!!!!)

And good night.

(Eat shit and die.)

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