A Gundam Wing Fic - The Wild Wierd West - Anime - http://maxpages.com/johnsficpage/The_Wild_Wierd

The Wild Weird West
By Sara Nataku and Amers HeaveyArms
Starring : Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wu Fei and Heero

::Duo walks slowly down the street in a cowboy costume chewing a piece of weed::
Trowa : ::comes out of saloon and sees Duo:: Nice Costume, Duo . . . partner!

Duo: ::Flips hat up and says:: thanks, stranger . . . ::smiles::
Trowa: hey cowboy . . . Man! I don’t get this Western Lingo . . .
Duo: Them there’s fighten’ Words! ::Takes right revolver out and flips it in his hand:: watch this! ::blasts cans down:: hehehe . . .
Heero: ::Appears from dust with tumble weeds following him:: Howdy . . . umm . . . strangers . . . ::flips his hat downward::
Quatre: ::walks out of a millionaire’s Bar:: Hi there Fellas!
Duo: Howdy! ::puts gun away and puts hands in pockets::
Trowa: ::Takes hat off and swings it around his head:: yippie o’ ki ei! get along little doggies! I guess that on drink I had got to me!
Heero: one drink . . . hey is that a price tag? ....on your hat . . . ? ::Pulls on it::
Trowa : hey . . . No that’s just a decoration! ::pulls it of and sticks it in his pocket::
Quatre: then why are you putting it in your pocket?
Trowa: ummm . . . because I don’t like little white decorations on my hat . . . OK?!
::Heero smiles::
Trowa: Wow! You have teeth . . . They’re blinding me!
Quatre: AHHHH! Heero’s Smiling! ::Hides behind Duo::
Duo: ::stares at nothing::....e’ sure is . . .
Videl : ::Thrown out of Saloon by Wu Fei: hey Don’t ruffle my skirt . . . Wu . . . Fei! ::red balloon is thrown out beside her:: who gave you permission to touch my red balloon you scoundrel!
Wu Fei : ::tips hat down, and grins:: Them there’s Fighten’ words....
Duo: Howdy there! Say anyone infer a shoot out right about now?
Trowa: You can count on me for a them there shoot down . . . ::evil grin::
Quatre: Great Trowa! You Learned How to speak Western!
Duo & Wu Fei : Them There’s Fighten’ Words!
Videl : No No you can’t! What if you get hurt?
Trowa: that’s the Point!
Duo: Let’s get started! ::pulls out revolver:: Ready partner?
Wu Fei : this is gonna be good!
Trowa: You bet your boots I’m ready. ::Takes out shotgun::
Videl: On no you guys! Don’t fight!
Heero: sorry mame’ you’ll hafta step aside . . .
Duo : ::grins:: Draw!
Trowa: ::shoots a flap with bang written on it :: ALL RIGHT! Who rigged my gun!?
Duo: too bad Trowa! ::pulls trigger and a flag with bang on it comes out::........What the ::loud noise in back ground::
Videl : I’ve never heard such profanity!
Duo: Well you’re gonna Here it!
Trowa: Its OK Duo! ...really its O...K!
Heero: all you people are under arrest and you Ain’t gonna talk your way outta of it! ::pulls out gun:: Put your hands up and high tail it to the jail.
Duo: What the Hell are you doing Heero?!
::At the Jail::
Wu Fei: ::bangs cup against Jail Bars:: What does it take to get some pork en’ Beans around here . . . I WANT MY PORK EN’ BEANS!!!!!!!!!
Heero: ::comes up to jail cell:: you’ll get pork n’ beans when I’m good and ready to let you out!! ::grabs Wu Fei’s collar punches him through wall::
Wu Fei : ::goes through wall in saloon:: Yay! Pork n’ beans!
Duo: Yay! Free like the bandit that I- Hey! Free Beer!
Trowa: Woo hoo Free Beer! ::runs through wall::
Quatre: Guys, It’s time we be movin’ on........
Everyone Else: Huh?
Quatre: Come on Guys! Bear with me here. We should be movin’ on like the script says.....::tears form in eyes:: We should be movin’ on guys! ::Cries pathetically:: Why won’t anybody listen to me!
Wu Fei : Ok Quatre has gone off the deep end . . .
::at the saloon::
Trowa: hey bartender! Miller over here!
Duo: Ya! Hurry up with the liquor man!
Videl: ::walks in:: Hey how did you fellers get out of Jail so quickly?
Duo: ::Turns around half drunk:: none of your Damn business Woman!
Videl: Boy you have a potty mouth ! ::points finger:: I should washout your mouth with soap!
Duo: ooohhhh I’m so scared . . . Soap is really gonna stop me from cursing!
Wu Fei: I want my pork n’ beans! Gimme my pork n’ beans!
::People in Saloon throw Beans at Wu Fei he is now covered in beans::
Duo&Trowa : Beans, Beans They’re good for your heart! The More you eat the more you fart!
Wu Fei: fart hehehe fart...
Duo&Trowa : The more you fart ...
Quatre : hehehe fart hehehe
Duo&Trowa: The better you feel So eat beans every meal!
Quatre: ::starts screaming, eyes gleam evilly as he has a nervous break down:: We’re all gonna leave NOW! ::takes out gun and grabs red balloon. Points gun to its head::everybody move or the balloon gets it!
Videl: nooo not the balloon! Leave him alone! He doesn’t deserve this! ::looks longingly at Balloon::
Quatre: Shut up woman get MOVING!!! I mean it!! I’ll pull the trigger!
Wu Fei: I can’t take this anymore! ::runs out on street...Stray kitties pounce on top of him licking the beans away:: NOOO!!!! They’re MY pork n’ Beans! All MINE! ::picks up one kitty and throws it into a wall. Other Kitties get pissed and chase him around the street:: AHHHH DUO HELP ME!
Heero: ::walks down street...Sees Wu Fei. Stares for a minute ..Then walks into bar, eyes Quatre::
Quatre: Don’t come any closer! I might just do it! I Might Just! I Just Might!
Heero: ::edges slowly to Quatre::
Quatre: NOOO! I told you not to get any closer! Say Good-bye to the big red balloon! ::Pulls trigger::
Videl: Nooo! ::Runs in slow motion. Hits Quatre’s arm and falls slowly to the ground::
::Bullet misses and hits chandelier. Falls On top of Quatre enabling him to move::
Quatre: Nooo! ::crush::
Trowa: ok show’s over Next scene!
Quatre: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you people!

::At the Train Station::
Announcer People: We take this time for a commercial Break with Trowa and Duo!
Trowa: Duo! How did you get to be so above average?
Duo: It’s Simple, my good friend! I got the Above Average patch! ::Makes muscle and shows everyone the patch. Audience oohs and ahhs::
Trowa: now lest demonstrate how this wonderful product works! Duo, what’s 2+2?
Duo: umm.....7?
Trowa: Magnificent! Now enough with math! Lets go on to harder questions! What is the equation for water?
Duo: that’s easy! H2O and Carbon Dioxide is CO2! ::smiles::
Trowa: Name the 7 dwarfs!
Duo: umm sleepy, happy, bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, and Sneezy?
Trowa: And this now demonstrates the Above Average Patch! Buy one at a store near you! With this product you can’t go wrong!
Duo&Trowa: ::Cheesy Smiles::
::Back at the Train Station::
Wu Fei: Where’s the Stickin’ train!? ::pokes Heero:: where’s the Train!?
Heero: ::barks back warily at Wu Fei:: I DON’T KNOW!
Quatre: ::Dazed, singing:: we be movin’ on up...movin’ on up....
Trowa: ::waves hand in front of Quatre’s eyes:: yoo hoo Quatre? Are you in there? ::knocks in his head...hears Echo:: Guess not!
Duo: The Train! Thetrainthetrainthetrain! Here Comes the Train!
Wu Fei: the Train’s Here!
Heero: I KNOW!
Videl: Let’s sattle up partners! ::climbs on train::
Duo: you know....I’m gonna be conductor for once ::kicks conductor out:: Now I’M driving! ::puts on conductor hat:: I don’t like this hat I want my cowboy hat! ::throws hat out window and puts own hat back on. Kicks Conductor into pond of horny Monkeys::
Quatre: we be movin’ on up..
Wu Fei: Shut your collar pickin’ Mouth!
Quatre: ::Gets up and trudges on train, hums movin’ on up::
Heero: ::Kicks Wu Fei on the train:: Move along! You’re in the way!
Trowa: casually steps in train:: o..k..::big sweatdrop::
Duo: Come on Come On! Hurry Up! I wanna train-, er...I mean Drive the Train!
Videl: ::yells from seat :: Can we get a move on...to wherever...we’re going...
Duo: Alright Heero GET ON!
Heero: ok, OK ...::Jumps on Train::
Quatre: Movin’ o- ::Falls over as train goes super fast::
Wu Fei: DUO! ::Grabs on Seat::
Duo : La La La ::hits buttons, and glances at burning manul.. Manul Cover says “How To operate a train”::
Trowa: ::clutches arm rest:: Could we go a LITTLE slower ? We don’t have to get “there: THAT fast!!
Duo: SHUT UP!!
Quatre: WEE! ::swirls around on floor::
Videl: Hey that looks Like Fun! ::joins him::
Wu Fei: That’s it! ::goes to conductor place:: Duo?! Where are you??
Duo: ::hangs off side of train:: WEE!
Trowa: Hey Duo! That looks like Fun! ::hangs out other window:: Yahoo!
Duo: ::Sits on conductor chair:: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
::Out of the Darkness a masked man...or is it a man ...rides on a pink horse::
Trowa:: Hey Look! A pink Horse! ::almost loses grip::
Wu Fei: I WANT MY.......Pink horse? ::Looks out window::
Videl: ::Runs to window. Presses face against it:: woah...Pink...
Quatre: I think I’m gonna....::throws up::
Duo: hmmmmm
Heero: ::Goes to front of train where Duo is; Pokes Duo:: Hello...Look Pink horse! HELLO in there? ::points:: PINK HORSE!
Duo:........
Quatre: wahhh mommy I threw up!!
Duo&Wu Fei: Them there’s Fightin’ Words!
Duke: ok...This is a Stick up...::pulls out puny pistol::
Trowa: HA HA You’re Gay!
Duo: Mwhahahah!
Quatre: HAHAHAHAA!
Wu Fei:: HAHAHAHAHAHA! GAY BOY!
Videl: hey what’s with the pink horse Girly man?
Duke: I’m not Gay! Look at Him! ::points to Wu Fei::
Wu Fei: I’m Strait! I was married before! Were you ever?
Duo:...He’s gotcha there duke!...now what’s this again?
Duke: This is a STICK UP, Idiot!
Videl: Oh yeah that’s right. Girly Man is supposed to be high Jacking this train!
Trowa: Not if I can help it!
Wu Fei: Alright Trowa! Get em’
Duo: he called ME an IDIOT?!
Trowa: ::takes out shotgun and checks for bang flags; blasts Duke into pond of horny caterpillars:: Take That....gay Wad!!
Duo:....So....I’m an Idiot....::cries::
Quatre: ::Sees Duo crying and starts to cry::
Wu Fei: um...Kay?
Videl: Babies...man you guys really are Idiots!
::Red balloon Pops::
Videl: ::Whimpers....Cries:: My BALLOON! Another Balloon gone down the drain! WAAAAA!
Trowa: now who’s the baby?
Wu Fei: um...Hey Heero...::holds Heero’s teddy bear out the train window::
Heero: Nooo! Not my Teddy! Waaaaaaaaaaaa! Fluffy! ::Weeps pitifully::
Wu Fei: HAHAHAHAA!
Trowa: ::whispers to Duo:: play along with me...::starts to pull Duo’s braid out::
Duo: oowww!
Wu Fei: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! DUO! ::Cries::
Trowa: Mwhahahaha...::whispers to Duo:: I’ll put it back later...
Duo: MY BEAUTIFUL LONG HAIR!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Videl: We’re all wusses! ::cries pathetically::
Trowa: You’re all Wusses HA HA! ::laughs. His Mask falls out of his Bag and he steps backwards crushing the Mask::
Trowa: ::Falls on ass and cries:: My mask! My Beautiful Mask!
Duo: ::Hair mysteriously back to normal gets pulled out of the train by his neck:: ACK!?
Tubaroff: Now It’s the Real Stick up!
Duo: ::On top of train:: DUCK!
Tubaroff : Where? ::Duo ducks and Tubaroff gets hit by tunnel and falls off train::
::They Enter a Town and the Sign Reads “Welcome To Shooting Town” and it has bullet holes in it::
Quatre: ::gets up singing “Movin’ on up”::
Heero: Wu Fei! I KNOW we’re here! Don’t EVEN Say it!
Wu Fei: Don’t care. I’m gonna Say it anywayz! WE”RE HEEERRREEE!
Videl: I’m going to Find a New balloon! Catch Ya Later! ::walks off train and into the distance::
Duo: ::Falls off train:: think Tubaroff Lost a couple of teeth...
Tubaroff: My Gold tooth!! No! ::Hears train:: eh? OH NO!!! ::squish, and is ran over::
Trowa: I need a new mask! Where’s the 5 cents store? Anyone got a mask?
Duke: ::Comes out of Nowhere a trail of butterflies behind him::
Duo: Trowa! This way! ::both duck into a shop with a sign that says “Big Expensive Looking High Tech Guns”::
Duke: You thought you’ve seen the last of me! Mwhahahaha! This time you won’t ever get away! ::takes puny pistol and looks in trash cans to find the pilots::
Heero: ::pokes Duke with index finger:: helloooo! Anyone in there? We Wouldn’t be in trash cans....We’d look for places we can actually fit in...and we wouldn’t run from a gay man like you!
Duke: You Fool! ::Blasts Heero into a Wall::
Quatre: No! Heero! ::tries to run to Heero::
Duke: Mwhahahaha! Don’t try to save your puny little friend! ::Shoots Quatre and he flies on top of Heero::
Wu Fei: Noo! My Friends! What Have you Done!?
Duke: What does it look like? The same thing I’m going to do to you! ::Shoots Wu Fei and he flies on top of Quatre::
Duke: Three Down two puny ones to go. Yes the weak ones are left. Mwhahahaha
::Trowa and Duo walk out of the Shop with Trench Coats on::
Duke: Now I’ve Found you my puny Friends!
Duo: First of all we’re NOT your friends. You’re too Gay!
Trowa: Secondly, you’re the weak one! Take This! ::Both pull out guns from Men In Black and shoot Duke back to the pond of horny caterpillars::
Duo: have Many butterflies!
Trowa: It’s where you belong!
Duke: NOOOOOO! ::flies off into distance::
Duo: Quatre! Heero! Wu Fei!
Trowa: What happened to them? How could gay old Duke do such damage?
Heero: ow...::gets up:: Get off me! Stupid Duke ::walks to Duo and Trowa, unhurt::
Quatre: Ow..I feel like...I’ve been...um....um...um....I WAS ALMOST KILLED YOU IDIOTS!
Duo:......Idiot?
Heero: Duo, Chill he doesn’t mean you!
Wu Fei: ow...::gets off Quatre::
Trowa: You guys are Lucky Me and Duo were here to kick His Ass!
Dr.Tomoe: ::Appears out of Saloon:: I see you gundams have beat Duke. Now I Challenge Wu Fei to a Duel!
Wu Fei: *gulp* me?
Heero: Come on Wu Fei! Beat him at his own Game!
Wu Fei: ok.....Your move!
Dr.Tomoe: I’m going to Win!
Wu Fei: In your Dreams you Queer professor!
Duo: Don’t be afraid to take your Queen out....
Quatre: No No no don’t listen to him! Not too early
Duo: What!? ::Tackles Quatre and the start to fight::
Heero:: Move the lil’ horsey there!
Trowa: No No Stupid! Move the lil’ horsey there!
::Heero punches Trowa and they fight::
Wu Fei: EVERYONE SHUT UP! I CAN PLAY MY OWN GAME! ...oh look! Check mate!
Dr. Tomoe: WHAT!?
All 5: YAY! We WON!
Wu Fei:...you mean I won...
Dr. Tomoe: ::Spontaneously combusts::
All 5: Spontaneous Combustion:: All nod heads while saying this::
Quatre: hey I Have an Idea!
Trowa: I Know! A Hoe Down!
Quatre: hey I was Gonna----
Duo: Great Idea Trowa!
Heero: Yea! Go Trowa!
Quatre: mean ass holes..
::Hoes Down::
Wu Fei: Yippie Yahoo! ::Dances::
Trowa: ::Wears hat and stands there as the tag from his hat falls out of his pocket::
Some Person: Hey What’s That?
Trowa: It’s My FREAKIN’ DECORATION! OKAY?! ::picks it up and puts it in his pocket::
Duo: ::rides in with Quatre and Heero:: Howdy!
Quatre: It’s time we be movin’ on and I’m NOT gonna cry this time!
Duo&Heero:: them There’s Fighting Words! ::All three Start singing Movin’ on up::
::Wu Fei and Trowa climb on horses and join in the singing. Ride off into Distance::
::On Beach::
Heero: I Don’t think we need these horses anymore
Trowa: I DON’T CARE! ::rides along serf::
Duo: Hey you guys, it seems we need to find more adventures!
Quatre: yep, so be movin’ on up and Trowa learned Cowboy Lingo!
All 5: ::Horses rear and they shout:: THEM THERE’S FIGHTIN’ WORDS! ::Quatre falls off into Trowa creating a domino affect knocking everyone into the water::
Duo: ::Pissed off and Soaked:: k....let’s try that AGAIN!
All 5: ::rear horses:: THEM THERE’S FIGHTIN’ WORDS! ::Ride off into distance. Wu Fie falls back and gets stuck in the spur and its dragged along:: HELP!
::The Pilots ride off in the sunset ((well Wu Fei...sorta rides)) ::Song Movin’ On Up Plays::
The+End
::Heard somewhere in the night:: Duke: NOOO! I Don’t want to have You’re butterfly!!! AHHHHH!

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Page Updated Sun Jan 26, 2003 1:49am EST