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Movie quotes
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Simpsons Quotes
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Far Too Much Info About Me
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| Simpsons Quotes |
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| I had so much Simpsons stuff that I needed a whole page just to fit it all |
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| BART'S CHALKBOARD QUOTES I will not waste chalk I will not skateboard in the halls I will not burp in class I will not instigate revolution I will not draw naked ladies in class I did not see Elvis I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" Garlic gum is not funny They are laughing at me, not with me I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom I will not encourage others to fly I will not fake my way through life Tar is not a play thing I will not Xerox my butt It's potato, not potatoe I will not trade pants with others I am not a 32 year old woman I will not do that thing with my tongue I will not drive the principal's car I will not pledge allegiance to Bart I will not sell school property I will not cut corners I will not get very far with this attitude I will not make flatulent noises in class I will not belch the National Anthem I will not sell land in Florida I will not grease the monkey bars I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment I will not do anything bad ever again I will not show off I will not sleep through my education I am not a dentist Spitwads are not free speech Nobody likes sunburn slappers High explosives and school don't mix I will not bribe Principal Skinner I will not squeak chalk I will finish what I sta... "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender Underwear should be worn on the inside The Christmas Pageant does not stink I will not torment the emotionally frail I will not carve gods I will not spank others I will not aim for the head I will not barf unless I'm sick I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge I will not conduct my own fire drills Funny noises are not funny I will not snap bras I will not fake seizures This punishment is not boring and pointless My name is not Dr. Death I will not defame New Orleans I will not prescribe medication I will not bury the new kid I will not teach others to fly I will not bring sheep to class A burp is not an answer Teacher is not a leper Coffee is not for kids I will not eat things for money I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee I will not call the principal "spud head" Goldfish don't bounce I will not use abbrev. The Truth is Not Out There. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups. No one is interested in my underpants. I will not sell miracle cures. I will return the seeing-eye dog. I do not have diplomatic immunity. I will not charge admission to the bathroom. I will never win an emmy. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle. I am not deliciously saucy. Organ transplants are best left to professionals. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan". I will not celebrate meaningless milestones. There are plenty of businesses like show business. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of MajorLeague Baseball. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun. I am not a reincarnation of James Dean. Beans are neither fruit nor musical I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. I will not send lard trough the mail I will not dissect things unless instructed I will not whittle hall passes out of soap Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choise Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does Next time it could be me on the scaffolding I will not hang donuts on my person I will remember to take my medication I will not strut around like I own the place The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far I do not have power of attorney over first graders Nerve gas is not a toy I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface The First Amendment does not cover burping This is not a clue...or is it? I will not complain about the solution when I hear it "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism No one wants to hear from my armpits I am not a lean mean spitting machine The boys room is not a water park Indian burns are not our cultural heritage Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things I will only do this once a year I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist I am not certified to move asbestos I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten I am not my long-lost twin I will not hide the teacher's Prozac A fire drill does not demand a fire I no longer want my MTV Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story I did not invent Irish dancing I will not tease Fatty There was no Roman god named "Farticus" Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related Shooting paintballs is not an art form Pain is not the cleanser Silly String is not a nasal spray I was not told to do this My butt does not deserve a website I will not demand what I'm worth I will not mess with the opening credits I am not the new Dalai Lama I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" I will not file frivolous lawsuits "butt.butt" is not my E-mail adress No one cares what my definition of "is" is I will not scream for ice cream I am not a licensed hairstylist "The President did it" is not an excuse My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld Sherri does not "got back" I will not do the "Dirty Bird" No one wants to hear about my sciatica Hillbillies are people too Grammar is not a time of waste It does not suck to be you I cannot absolve sins A trained ape could not teach gym Loose teeth don't need my help I have neither been there nor done that Hamsters cannot fly I will not bring sheep to class I will not spin the turtle I am not licensed to do anything I am so very tired Homer's Mmmmm's Mmm...ooh...maca-ma-damia nuts Mmm...64 slices of American cheese Mmm...free goo Mmm...Marge Mmm...mediciney Mmm...elephant-fresh Mmm...something Mmm...bowling fresh Mmm...incapacitating Mmm...unprocessed fishsticks Mmm...pointy Mmm...crumbled-up cookie things Mmm...Soylent Green Mmm...orgranized crime Mmm...grapefruit Prank Calls To Moe Moe: "Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here?" Moe: "Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!" Moe: "Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!" Moe: "Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!" Moe: "Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!" Moe: "Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!" Homer: "Don't look at me!" Moe: "Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?" Moe: "Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!" Moe: "Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?" Moe: "Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?" Barney: "Maybe your standards are too high!" Moe: "Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tankle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!" Homer: "Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura." Moe: "Eura Snotball?" Homer: "What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!" And now... various other quotes Homer: "Mel Gibson is just a guy Marge, no different than me or Lenny." Marge: "Were you or Lenny ever named Sexiest Man Alive?" Homer: "Hmmm, I'm not certain about Lenny ..." Homer: (While watching Mel Gibson in 'Mr. Smith Goes To Washington') "Boring!" Marge: "It's not boring. He's passionate about government." Homer: "At least the Jimmy Stewart version had the giant rabbit who ran the savings and loan." Mel Gibson: "I don't have much time, Homer. Will you come to Hollywood with me?" Homer: "You had me at, 'hello.'" Gibson: "I didn't say, 'hello.'" Homer: "Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughin’, did you?" Homer: "Here are your messages: 'You have thirty minutes to move your car.' 'You have ten minutes to move your car.' 'Your car has been impounded.' 'Your car has been crushed into a cube.' 'You have thirty minutes to move your cube." Homer: "That tree’s been in the town of Springfield since the days of our forefathers. Give it back, or we’ll bust in there and take it!" Tow truck man: "Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look." Homer: "Stupider like a fox!" Homer: "Oh, my god, Marge. A penalty shot, with only four seconds left. It’s your child versus mine! The winner will be showered with praise, the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore." Milhouse: "Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend anymore. That's why you couldn't come to the party." Bart: "What's she got against me?" Milhouse: "She says you're a bad influence." Bart: "Bad influence, my ass! How many times have I told you? Never listen to your mother!" Homer: "We'll search out every place a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to." Lisa: "I'll start with Radio Shack." Mr. Burns: "This house has quite a long and colourful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground and was the setting for satanic rituals, witch burnings and five John Denver Christmas specials." Grandpa: "That's it, I'm going to the outhouse." Lisa: "We don't have an outhouse." Homer: "MY TOOLSHED!" Homer: (taking the oath) "And by the Sacred Parchment, I swear that if I reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters, may my stomach become bloated and my head be plucked of all but three hairs." Moe: "Um ... I think he should have to take a different oath." Marge: "Homer, the bag lady that lives in our trash attacked me again." Homer: "That's not the way she tells it." Homer: "SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! MY CAR!!!" Homer: "Only bad people die." Lisa: "What about Abraham Lincoln?" Homer: "He sold poisoned milk to schoolchildren." Homer: (Reading newspaper) "Homer Simpson fell asleep at the job? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!" Homer: "Oh, THERE'S that movie script I wrote...It's about a robot driving instructor who travels back in time, for some reason. Ron Howard's up to direct." Ron Howard: "No, I'm not!" Homer: "Well, he expressed an interest." Ron Howard: "No, I didn't!!" Alec Baldwin: "Homer, most movie scripts are 150 pages. Yours is only 17...and most of them are just pictures of the time machine!" Homer: "Well, if you're out, I'm out. [handing the script to Ron Howard] You're on your own, Potsie!" Homer: "Quiet you kids! If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college." Commercial: "It's 1 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are?" Homer: "I ALREADY TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT!!!! NO!!!" Homer: "In order to find Flanders, I'll have to think like him! 'I'm a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid green sweater every day.'" Marge: "Homer, there's somebody here who wants to talk with you." Homer: "Batman?" Marge: "No, he's a scientist." Homer: "Batman's a scientist!" Homer: "Oh, I hate folding sheets!" Marge: "That's your underwear." Homer: "Well, whatever it is, it's a two-man job. Where's Bart?" Homer: "Um... Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things?" Marge: "Oh... the little tiger tries so hard. Why does he keep failing?" Homer: "Just a little dim, I guess." Homer: "Marge, weaseling out of things is important to learn, it's what separates us from the animals...except the weasel." Lou: "We need pretzles I repeat pretzles." Homer: "I've learned life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead." McBain: (Singing) "My bratworst has a first name, It's houmr, My bratworst has a second name, It's heromfntlahwnjoifndkue." Homer: "A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center." Ralph: "It tastes like burning." Kearny: "My divorce was hard on my kid but he got through it." Kearny's Kid: "I sleep in a drawer." Snake: "Yoink!" Jasper: "Who shot who in the what now?" Homer: (To the tune of the Flintstones theme) "Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree... Ahhh!!" Homer: "You suck-diddly-uck Flanders!" Homer: "English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England." Bart: "I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows." Homer: "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy." Mr. Burns: "Stop doddling Simpson, use an open faced club. A sand wedge." Homer: "Mmmm, open faced club sand wedge." Homer (to brain): "Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret." Homer: "Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom." Marge: "Oh, my gosh!" Brain: "No, the other secret." Homer: "Marge, I never passed high school." Marge: "That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does." Homer goes on to explain that he never passed Science 101. Marge: "But, Homer! You're a Nuclear Technician." Homer: "Marge! Icksnay on the Uclearnay EchnicianTay." Marge: "What did you say?" Homer: "I don't know. I flunked Latin, too." Homer: "Mmmmm... 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch munch munch)... 63 (munch munch munch) (cut to much later) Homer : 2... (munch munch munch) ... 1 (munch munch munch)" Marge: "Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?" Homer: "I think I'm blind." Marge: "Bart looks different." Homer: "New glasses?" Marge: "He looks disturbed." Homer: "Probably misses his old galsses." Homer: "Nanananana fishing!" Flanders: "Hi-dily hey!" Homer: "Go home!" Flanders: "Doodily-doo!" Homer: "To start, press any key... Where's the any key?" Homer: "Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably! The lesson is: Never try." Homer: (Singing)"You make me feel like dancing..." Bart: (Singing)"I wanna dance the night away." Bart: "But that's what we learned about. I sure as HELL can't tell you we learned about HELL unless I say 'HELL' can I?" Homer: "Lad has a point there." Bart: "Hell yes!" Marge: "Bart! You're no longer in Sunday School! Don't swear!" Homer: "Oh Lisa, you and your stories. 'Bart is a vampire,' 'Beer kills brain cells.' Now let's go back to that building... thingy... where our beds and TV... is." Homer: "First time I've ever been early for work! Except for all those daylight savings days... lousy farmers." Homer: "My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R. My baloney has a second name it's H-O-M-E-R." Superintendent Chalmers: "How come when I heard the word 'school' followed by the word 'exploded' I immediately thought of the word SKINNER!?" Mr. Burns: "Damnit Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!" |
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