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| More of my favorite quotes from my favorite movies |
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| HALF BAKED Scarface: "You son-of-a-bitch, I'm right behind you. Turn around and ask me for a hefer with cheese yo. Why you got to make me feel inferior because I'm on the grill B? Damn!" Brian: "Lady, you want seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I'll give you five." Lady Customer: "No, He autographed it himself." Brian: "Alright, I'll give you four." Brian: "Get some sour cream and onion chips, and some dip man, and some beef jerky, and some peanut butter. Get some Haggen Daz ice cream bars, a whole lot of Ha..., make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate man, some popcorn, bread popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows, the little chocolate bars. We'll make some smores man." Scarface: "Yeah, that's what I'm saying yo?" Brian: "Also celery, grape jelly, uh Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas man, with everything on them, with water, a whold lot of water, and funions, yeah." Kenny: "Is that all?" Brian: "Yeah." The Guy on the Couch: "Kenny called. He's in jail. He didn't leave a number. Sincerely The Guy on the Couch" Thurgood: "Hey Kenny, we're gonna get you out of there man." Scarface: "All we got to do is raise ten percent of one million man, which by our calculations is..." Brian: "Fuckin' impossible man." Thurgood: "Hey, who's on munchies tonight?" Scarface: "We should make that lazy bitch The Guy go yo." Kenny: "I walk around on two legs Homo Erectus. Did I say homo? I didn't mean that." Kenny: "I'm sombody's bitch." Kenny: "You guys got to do something. There's this guy in here his name's Nasty Nate whose's after my cocktail fruit. And everyone here likes fresh fish. And then the Squirrel Mastercame out of left field and tolm me I'm his bitch. And help." Scarface: "Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. And fuck you. I'm out." MacGyver Friend: "Hey man, we're out of papers man." MacGyver Smoker: "Alright, then get me a toilet paper roll, a cork screw, and some tin foil." MacGyver Friend: "We don't have a cork screw." MacGyver Smoker: "Alright, then get me an avacado, an ice pick, and my snorkel. Trust me bro, I've made bongs with less. Hurry up." Thurgood: "You have smoked yourself retarded." TALENTED MR. RIPLEY Marge: "The thing with Dickie-it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious, then he forgets you and it's very very cold." Tom: "So I'm learning." Marge: "He's not even aware of it. When you've got his attention you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him. Other times..." Peter: "What do you see in him? Actually, why am I asking. We all fell for it. So easy to love, so hard to like." Tom: "Don't you put the past in a room, in the cellar, and lock the door and just never go in there? Because that's what I do. Then you meet someone special and all you want to do is toss them the key, say open up, step inside, but you can't because it's dark and there are demons and if anybody saw how ugly it was... I keep wanting to do that-fling open the door-let the light in, clean everything out. If I could get a huge eraser and rub everything out... starting with myself." Tom: "He couldn't be faithful for five minutes. So when he makes a promise it doesn't mean what it means when you make a promise. Or I do. He has so many realities and he believes them all. He lies. He lies and half the time he doesn't even realize it." Tom: "I could probably see my bedroom from here. I can see my house. When you see where you live from a distance it's like a dream isn't it?" Tom: "Ask me what I want to change about this moment." Peter: "What do you want to change about this moment?" Tom: "Nothing." Tom: "I'm lost. I'm going to be stuck in the basement, aren't I, that's my, that's my-terrible and alone and dark-and I've lied about who I am, and where I am, and so nobody can ever find me." Peter: "What do you mean lied about who you are?" Tom: "I suppose I always thought-better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody." ERIN BROCKOVICH Miss Sanchez: "Let's be honest here. Twenty million dollars is more money than these people have ever dreamed of. Erin: "Oh, see, now that pisses me off. First of all -- since the demur, we now have more than four hundred plaintiffs...and 'let's be honest', we all know there's more out there. Now, they may not be the most sophisticated people, but they do know how to divide, and twenty million dollars isn't shit when it's split between them. And second of all -- these people don't dream about being rich. They dream about being able to watch their kids swim in a pool without worrying they'll have to have a hysterectomy at age 20, like Rosa Diaz -- a client of ours -- or have their spine deteriorate like Stan Bloom. Another client of ours. So before you come back here with another lame-ass offer, I want you to think real hard about what your spine is worth, Mr. Buda -- or what you'd expect someone to pay you for your uterus, Miss Sanchez -- then you take out your calculator and multiply that number by a hundred. Anything less than that is a waste of our time. Erin: "HEY!" George: "Well, hello to you, darlin'." Erin: "What the hell do you think you're doing, making all that goddamn noise?" George: "Just introducing myself to the neighbors." Erin: "Well, I'm the neighbors. There, now we're introduced, so you can shut the fuck up." George: "Come on. Gimme your number, I'll call you up proper and ask you out and everything." Erin: "You want my number?" George: "I do." Erin: "Which number do you want, George?" George: "I like the way you say that. George. How many numbers you got? Erin: "I got numbers coming out of my ears. Like, for instance, ten." George: "Ten?" Erin: "Yeah. That's how many months old my little girl is." George: "You got a little girl?" Erin: "Yeah. Sexy, huh? And here's another: five. That's how old my other daughter is. Seven is my son's age. Two is how many times I been married and divorced. 16 is the number of dollars in my bank account. 454-3943 is my phone number. And with all the numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're gonna call it." George: "How the hell do you know your bank balance right off the top of your head like that? See, that impresses me. And you're wrong about that zero thing baby." Erin: "I don't know what happened to me... I mean I was Miss Wichita, for Christ sakes. Did I tell you that? Did ya know you were living next door to a real live beauty queen. I still got the tiara. I thought it meant I was gonna do something important with my life, that I was gonna be someone." George: "You are someone." Erin: "No I'm not. Look at me." George: "You're someone to me." Erin: "Are you going to be something else I have to survive? Cause I'll tell you the truth, I'm not up to it." George: "And what about me?" Erin: "What about you? You think either one of the men who gave me those children asked what I wanted before they walked away?! All I've ever done is bend my life around what men decide they need! Well not now. I'm sorry. I won't do it." George "I'm not them. What more do I have to do to prove that?" Erin: "Stay." Erin: "Ya know..Jane...My grandmother used to have a saying about people who were beautiful and people who were ugly. And it had nothing to do with how they looked. She used to say 'People get the faces they deserve!'" Theresa: "Okay, look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here." Erin: "That's all you got, lady. Two wrong feet. In fucking ugly shoes." Erin: "Well excuse me for not going to law school. Ed: "Law school! At this point, I'd settle for fucking charm school!" Brenda: "Lover's quarrell?" Erin: "Bite my ass Krispy Kreme!" USUAL SUSPECTS Fenster: (mumbling) "Hand me the keys, you cocksucker." Cop: "In English please!" Fenster: "Excuse me?" Cop: "In English!" Fenster: "Hand me the fuckin' keys, you cocksucker. What da fuck!" Fenster: "I said he'll flip you." Cop: "He'll what?" Fenster: "Flip you. Flip you for real." Fenster: "Can you hear me in the back?" (knock, knock, knock) "Hello!" Fenster: "Yea, Loverboy. You want a piece? Jump in, I'll love you." FIGHT CLUB Jack: "This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." Jack: (Reading from a copy of 'Reader's Digest') 'I am Joe's Lungs.' It's written in first person. 'Without me, Joe could not take in oxygen to feed his red blood cells.' There's a whole series -- 'I am Joe's Prostate.' Tyler: "I get cancer, and I kill Joe." Jack: "I Am Jack's Complete Lack of Surprise." Jack: "I Am Jack's Smirking Revenge." Jack: "I'm all alone. I Am Jack's Broken Heart." Jack: "Who you were in fight club is not who you were in the rest of the world. You weren't alive anywhere like you were there. But fight club only exists in the hours between when fight club starts and when fight club ends. After fight club, everything else in your life gets the volume turned down. You can deal with anything. The people who had power over you have less and less. Tyler: "She is wild and twisted. Stay away from that one." Jack: "Oh, and my pace is more librarians." Tyler: "Hey... don't knock librarians." Jack: "Marla doesn't need a lover. She needs a case worker." Tyler: "Could be worse. You could be cursed with the three terrible Karmas. You could be beautiful, rich and famous." Marla: "I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar." Jack: "Worth every penny." Tyler: "The best fat for making soap -- because the salt balance is just right -- comes form human bodies." Jack: "What is this place?" Tyler: "A liposuction clinic." Jack: (Voiceover) "Tyler sold the soap to department stores at twenty bucks a Ear. God knows what they charged. How ironic. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them." Tyler: "I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who have ever lived -- an entire generation pumping gas and waiting tables; or they're slaves with white collars. Advertisements have them chasing cars and clothes, working jobs they hate so they can buy shit they don't need. We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place. We have no great war, or great depression. The great war is a spiritual war. The great depression is our lives. We were raised by television to believe that we'd be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars -- but we won't. And we're learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed-off." Tyler: "An expired community college student ID card. What did you used to study, Raymond K. Hessel?" Raymond: "Stuff." Tyler: "'Stuff.' Were the mid-terms hard?" Jack: "Now wait, there's been a mix-up. Everything's changed." Man: "You told me you'd say that." Jack: "Abort the plan." Man: "You told me you'd say that, too." Jack: "Did I tell you I'd call you a fascist dickhead?!" Man: "Well, sir, you said you might." DOGMA Nun: "Let me get this straight-you don't believe in God... because of Alice in Wonderland." Loki: "Through the Looking Glass. That poem-'The Walrus and the Carpenter?" It's an indictment of organized religion. The Walrus, with his girth and good nature, obviously refers to either Buddah, or with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. This takes care of the Eastern religions. Now the Carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. And in the poem, what do they do? They dupe all the oysters into following them and proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures, en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following faiths based on these mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are or who we can be by inhibiting our actions and decisions out of fear of an intangible parent-figure who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago." Bartleby: "Quit leering at me. People are going to think I just broke up with you or something." Loki: "Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results." Bartleby: "You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus." Liz: "You need a man. If only for ten minutes." Bethany: "It's been my experience that the average male is never a man-not even for ten minutes of his entire life span." Liz: "Uh-oh, that sounds militant. You thinking of joining the other side?" Bethany: "Couldn't do it. Women are insane." Liz: "Then you'd better get back to church and ask God for a third option." Bethany: "I think God is dead." Liz: "The sign of a true Catholic." Metatron: "I am the Metatron. Don't tell me the name doesn't ring a bell? You people. If there isn't a movie about it, it's not worth knowing, is it?" Metatron: "So one day, Loki's wiping out all the firstborn of Egypt..." Bethany: "The Tenth Plague." Metatron: "See? Tell a person you're the Metatron and they stare at you blankly; mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and they're suddenly theology scholars." Jay: "I'm Jay, and this is my hetero lifemate, Silent Bob." Jay: "Well, what do I know about shifting?! Like I ever drove before!" Loki: "We were all pissed-scared He'd send us someplace worse than Wisconsin if we disobeyed Him again." Bartleby: "Right. Where were we afraid He'd send us?" Loki: "New Jersey." Loki: "I can spot a commandment breaker a mile away. Bet on it." Bartleby: "This coming from the guy who still owes me ten bucks from that bet over which was going to be the bigger movie-E.T. or Krush Groove." Jay: "Guys like us don't just fall out of the sky, you know!" (Just then, a man falls out of the sky) Jay: (yelling up) "Beautiful, naked women don't just fall out of the sky, you know!" Bethany: "And why are you watching me?" Rufus: "Because you're the one who's going to help me get some changes made in that book you all put so much stock in." Jay: "Hustler?" Rufus: "The Bible." Bethany: "What's your beef with the Bible?" Rufus: "For starters? I'm not in it." Jay: "Neither are any of us, but you don't hear us bitching and moaning." Serendipity: "I was sick of watching incapable people take brilliant inspiration and turn out real trash. So I opted to quit being a muse and write for myself. I gave my two weeks' notice, got a body, fifty bucks, and got sent out into the world to make my fortune." Bethany: "So what happened?" Serendipity: "Writer's block. Can you believe it? Me-a muse, for God's sake!" Serendipity: "I always knew that thing was a bad idea. Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence." Bethany: "You've got issues with Catholicism, I take it?" Serendipity: "I've got issues with anyone who treats God like a burden instead of a blessing-like some Catholics. You people don't celebrate your faith-you mourn it. Bartleby: "We'd like two tickets to New Jersey, please." Woman: "Jersey's sold out, sir." Loki: "What?! Come on, how many people can possibly be going to New Jersey?" Woman: "Enough to fill a bus. There's another one the same time tomorrow. I suggest you not underestimate the staggering power of the Garden State and show up two hours in advance." |
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