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| Who Wants To Be A Millionare: BSB style |
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| This is not meant to offend any group in particular. If you can't handle good and funny comedy or you are a teeny bopper and can't take a joke, please proceed to another page, site, or take any action to avoid this page or other page(s) in the future. Thank you. REGIS - Welcome to ABC's Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I'm Regis Philbin and today we have the Backstreet Boys playing for their favorite charities. This should be fun. Let's play our first fastest finger. Put these - Nick falls off his chair with a loud boom. NICK - Damn that always happens. He sits back in his seat. REGIS - Okay, put these former New Kids in order from oldest to youngest - A)Jordan B)Joe C)Danny D)Donnie E)Jon. Waits.... REGIS - And the correct answer is - E, C, D, A, B. Who got it right the fastest?... ... No one did. Okay, who got it wrong the fastest?... NICK!! NICK - BAM!!! He jumps up and down and high fives the other guys. He goes to the stage and sits down heavily in the chair. It breaks and he crashes to the ground. Everyone laughs. Nick stands up. NICK - That always happens. He sits Indian style on the floor. NICK - I'm ready to play, Kathy Lee. REGIS - I told you!! My name is Regis! Regis! NICK - I'm sorry dog, I always get you two mixed up. REGIS - Okay, let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Something in Nick's shirt starts wiggling. NICK - Hey? AJ - He's giving birth to aliens! BRIAN - Neep! Tyke climbs out of Nick's shirt. BRIAN - Tyke!! That's where he went. He rushes to save Tyke. BRIAN - He's been missing for a week! Brian runs off stage with Tyke. NICK - I was wondering why my chest was wet every morning. I thought it was just from Howie licking me - ... I mean... ...Can we just move on? REGIS - Okay, let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. NICK - ... What's that? REGIS - It's the game. NICK - Oh... but I'm already a millinoaire. REGIS - But you're playing for charity. NICK -Oh, ok. REGIS - Now, for a hundred dollars - KEVIN - Ha...ha! REGIS - What's so funny, Keith? KEVIN - Nick fell....off his chair! REGIS - ... For a hundred dollars - KEVIN - My name is Kevin, dog. REGIS - ... For a hundred dollars, What is the capital of Sweden? Is it A)Virginia, B)Stockholm, C)Norway, or D)Newark? Brian walks back in looking suspicious. All the girls scream. NICK - I haven't answered yet, ladies. REGIS - I think they were screaming for your friend Brian Littrell(he pronounces it LIE-TRILL) Nick looks back at AJ for the answer. AJ is busy fixing his hair in his compact. NICK - I think it's C, Norway. REGIS - Is that your final answer? NICK - Yes. REGIS - Are you sure? NICK - Yes. REGIS - Norway... is incorrect. The answer was Stockholm. NICK - I'd like to call a friend. REGIS - No, the game's over. You lost. NICK - ... oh. AJ - HAHA!! YOU SUCK!! Nick growls and leaves the stage. He sits in the audience next to the ugliest guy from 98 degrees. REGIS - Next fastest finger question. Put these beers in the order they came out starting with the earliest, A)Corona, B)Fosters C) Guiness, D)Heineken. Waits... REGIS - And the correct order is - C)Guiness, D)Heineken, B)Fosters, and A)Corona. Who got it right the fastest?... AJ! AJ - WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! He runs up to Regis with his hands in the air, chanting. AJ - Go me! Go me! Go me! Go me! REGIS - Okay- AJ - Go me! Go me! Go me! Go me! Regis slaps him. REGIS - Enough! AJ stops. AJ - ... Oh... sorry. REGIS - Sit down. AJ - The chair is broke. A group of girls run screaming to him carrying chairs. He looks them over and takes the chair from the most nakedest girl. AJ - Thanks babe. He sits down. REGIS - Let's play who wants to be a millionaire. NICK - Oooh! I DO!! I DO!! Everyone ignores him, except for a group of whiny pre-pubescent girls. They scream. 3 of them faint. AJ takes off his shoes and starts clipping his toenails. REGIS - ... um... okay... for a hundred dollars, which of the following is a REAL porn star. A)Hootie Mcboob B)Sarah St. James C)Chesty Larue or D)Ben Dover? AJ - B. REGIS - B is correct. Okay, for 200 dollars- AJ - BUUURP!!! NICK - Excuse you! AJ - Shut up Carter! You're ruining my concentration! NICK - You're ruining my appetite! AJ - HA!! That'll be the day! Howie tosses a pack of twinkies at Nick. He devours them like a maddog. REGIS - okay, for 200 dollars, which of the following is not a name for crack - AJ - Coke, snow, dust, blow, rock, nose candy, cloud nine, base, lady, gravel, c -.....oh...which is NOT. I'm sorry, carry on. REGIS - A)Meth, B)Opium, C)Smack, or D)Blow? AJ - Well, I know "A" isn't. And there was this girl in Belgium... *laughs* Yeah, so definitely not "B". And I think I just said "C". So I'm gonna have to go with "D". REGIS - D is correct. How do you know so much about about cocaine? AJ - I have a friend. BURRP!!! NICK - Bone!! Howie tosses another Twinkie at Nick to shut him up. REGIS - For 300 dollars, which of the following was not an original cast member of 90210? Was it A)Shannon Doherty, B)Ashly Hamilton, C)Luke Perry, or D)Brian Austin Green? AJ - Hmmm... HOWIE - B!!! B!!! AJ - I'm gonna have to say C. HOWIE - NO! B!! B!! REGIS - Is that your final answer? AJ - Yes. HOWIE - NO!! B!! B!! REGIS - ... I'm sorry. It was B! AJ - DAMN!! He goes and sits next to the half naked girl in the audience. REGIS - Next fastest finger question. Put these numbers in order from smallest to biggest. A)6, B)37, C)52, and D)169 AJ - 69!!!!! REGIS - Kevin didn't answer again. And Brian got it right. KEVIN - He's... REGIS - Your cousin. I know, you told me. Brian comes on up. He sits down. REGIS - Welcome Brian Lietrill. He sneezes and his mask falls off to reveal...CHRIS KIRKPATRICK!! REGIS - Hey, who are you? He looks around nervously. KEVIN - Hey... he's not..... my... cousin. CHRIS - They're onto us!! He runs off stage. HOWIE - If that was Chris, then where's Brian? AJ - Who cares!!!! Everyone turns to look at AJ. He is frantically making out with the half naked girl. REGIS - I'm not even gonna do the next fastest finger. I already know who's gonna win. Howie D. come on up. Howie comes up. Nick jumps up and down and starts cheering. REGIS - For 100 dollars, which of the following would NOT be used by a woman: A)Brazierre, B)Condom, C)Pantyhose, D)Tampon. AJ stops making out with the girl. AJ - Huh? What's a condom? He goes back to his business. There is a loud bang as him and his girl fall off the chair. They start making out again on the floor. HOWIE - Just for the record, guys can wear that stuff too. But I think the answer is B)condom. REGIS - Correct. HOWIE - That's how we do it! Nick stands up and starts dancing. NICK - Go Howie!! Go Howie!! Put your feet up!! Shake your booty!! Da da da!! Da da da!! Go Howie!! Go Howie!! AJ takes his shoe off and throws it at Nick. It knocks him out. HOWIE - NICK! Howie rushes to his aide. AJ keeps kissing his half naked chick. Amanda Latona comes marching in, steaming mad. She stomps over to AJ. AMANDA - Alexander James Mclean!!! AJ - Oh shit! He jumps to his feet. AJ - This isn't what it looks like, honey bear! I fell!! AMANDA - And she just happened to be laying on the floor with her mouth open and your tongue fell in? AJ - Yes! That's exactly what happened!! Do you think I would do that on purpose? I love you baby. AMANDA - We're going home. She grabs him by his ear and drags him out. Brian comes hoping out in his boxers, bound and gagged. BRIAN - *muffled screams* REGIS - OMG!! KEVIN - Hey... that's ... my.... cousin. Justin Timberlake's voice comes from backstage. JUSTIN - Stop him! I told you not to let him get away!! Joey and Lance chase after Brian. JUSTIN - Imbeciles! You're both fired! HOWIE - OMG!! It's Nobody's Angel! Everyone runs out screaming in terror. Kevin is the only one that stays. KEVIN - Is... it... my turn...yet? NOBODY'S ANGEL NUMBER 1 - Come on girls!! Let's party. NOBODY'S ANGEL - (Sings)If you wanna dance! Kevin dies from a self inflicted eyebrow attack. THE END |
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