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| Lou Witch Project |
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| This is not meant to offend any group in particular. If you can't handle good and funny comedy or you are a teeny bopper and can't take a joke, please proceed to another page, site, or take any action to avoid this page or other page(s) in the future. Thank you. Contains adult language, you have been warned. In October of 1994, five normal guys went into the woods of Orlando, Florida. Five years later, their footage was found... JC: (carrying camera) so, Lance, what's your stance on the Lou Witch? Lance: *scowling at camera* I dont give a flyin frito. All this DAMN hiking made me get mud on my nice white capris... who's bright idea was this anyway? Justin: Dat would be mine, yo. It's nice out hea dou. Ahhh, smell dat aih. *JC, Lance, Chris, Joey all inhale and have a coughing fit from all of the Tommy Cologne that Justin sprayed on himself before he left the house a few days ago* --Later that Night-- *All five guys are asleep in the tent, when they hear giggling outside* Joey: Holy sh*t what is that? Chris: SHHHH! quiet for a sec... listen... "....games with my heart... you know you gotta stop... with my heart...you know you're tearin us apart... with my heart.... i live my liiiiiife.... the wayyyyy.... to keep you coming back to meeeeheee...." is heard in whispering sing song voices outside the tent. The guys all stare at each other in horror, knowing that those sounds could only be the music of the Backstreet Boys. JC: I want my mommy.... *sucks thumb* "....Howie, stop pushing me... hey. hey Howie sto- OOF" is heard seconds before the tent starts to collapse. The guys rush out screaming, video camera still rolling. All we can see is random shaking shots of the guys running, before they all stop and huddle in a pile of tall grass. Lance: All lights off, all lights off, all lights off... shhh... at least we'll never turn out like them guys.... shhh.... *Next scene is morning. We see all five guys arguing over where Chris's pug, Busta, has gone* Chris: Goddamnit! He was the only one who could sniff out the trail home! Where did he go? He was in the tent with us yesterday! *Joey comes stumbling back from behind a pile of bushes, his eyes glazed over, laughing hysterically* Justin: Yo foo whatchudoin behind doze bushes? You gettin high and you aint givin none o da goods to us? Joey: Tee hee, tha was the last one. JC: THE LAST ONE? Joey: *giggling* whooo youre funny when you're mad *pokes JC* tee hee. JC: OH MY GOD WE'RE OUT OF CRACK! HELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPP! HHHHELLLLLLLLLPP! *screams and throws things, then breaks down in tears and rocks back and forth on his heels* Chris: *cupping his hands to his mouth* BUSSSTAAAAAA!!!!!! BBUSSSTAAAAAAA!!!!" Joey: Ha ha, you wanna hear something real funny? Chris: *with a suspicious look* what? Joey: Tee hee, you know what? You know what, I kicked that damn dog into the river! Ahhhahahahahahahahahaa! I just BOOM kicked his wrinkled ass into the river! Hahahahaha! Chris: *runs up screaming* YOU KICKED HIM INTO THE RIVER? YOU WHAT??? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?! HOW COULD YOU KICK HIM INTO THE RIVER?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! ARRRRRGHHH *Lance and Justin come running up* Justin:Yo, guys, yo, STOP! We have to stay together! It's the only way we'll ever get home! *in his fear, he has forgotten to use his tough boy ebonics* *The shot ends with a crying JC and Chris walking back to the tent with Justin, Lance, and a stoned Joey bringing up the rear* --Next Shot, later that night--- (Howling is heard) Chris: BUSTA!! You guys, I can hear him! Come on! *Grumpily, the guys dress and follow Chris towards the sound of Busta's howls* Justin: Yo, can you still hea him? JC: Wait, look, there! It's a house! *forgetting all common sense, the guys run up to the house. Seeing a dusty plaque next to the rusty door, JC gingerly wipes the dust off and reads outloud "Trans Continental Entertainment... huh". They continue, frightened, somewhat crazy, into the house.* Joey: BUSTAAAA!!! Lance: Hey BUSTA! Where are you?? *Howling is heard from downstairs* Chris: There! Downstairs! I hear him! *The guys run downstairs into the basement. Once there, they realize they are in an empty room. As they turn around, they see a man blocking the doorway, cackling evily* JC: I want my mommy *sucks thumb* *The last shot we see is of the camera falling, apparently out of JC's hand, amid screams of terror* And that, my children, is how Lou Pearlman "discovered" 'N Sync. |
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