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| Craig T. Nelson |
| The Ultimate Vampire Slaying Formula Stealing Skull Cracking Ax Murdering Ghost Capturing Booger Eating Field Killing Turner Hooching Crazy Stirring Screaming Warrior ! |
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| With one last wave goodbye, Craig T. Nelson and the cast of "Coach" said goodbye to America. Many in the audience thought that Craig T. Nelson was just some middle age actor-person who was so washed up that he couldn't hold a show on CBS. But the reason "Coach" was ending wasn't because of low ratings, it ended because Craig needed to be on his home planet for a short time. But before I tell you about his latest adventure, I'll inform you on his humble beginnings. 65 Million years ago, Craigious Tebone Maximus (aka Craig T. Nelson) was born on the planet Mildew, outside the Reedian galaxy. His father was ruler of the planet, his mother was a poor pauper. Craig isn't human, he is a subhumanoid god-like amphibeous creature who was sent to Earth when a meteor hit it. His parents sent him to keep watch over the planet Earth through all of its problems. He touched down on the planet Earth in the year 2 BC. The Evil DR. Buggawhatzitz sent android demon stinkazimitz to give the Virgin Mary an Abortion, so Craig T. Nelson ripped their nuts out through their nose and shoved their arms up their tucous. Afterwords, Craig went to the manger after Christ's birth, and God called him the 4th wise man. He beared the gift of coaching and coloring books. There God bestowed the name "Craig T. Nelson" which translates from Hebrew to "Almost God, but too Bald". After he discovered the secret of Time Travel, he went to the year 1775. The Evil Dr. Buggawhatzits sent an evil army of Geena Davises to stop the constitution from being made, but Craig T. Nelson used his heat vision to melt all of them into vinyl. Crain then went to the year 3097 where he defeated the evil Robot King Gammaduranchoron with his kung-fu grip and flaming projectile calculators. Good job T-ball! That is all I can tell now, when I uncover more of the T-Files, I'll let you know ! End Transmission. Copyright 2001 S/F/B/F/ Productions. |
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