2003 NEW TROMA REVIEWS! - Sports - http://maxpages.com/inyourhouse/2003_NEW_Troma

"Adventure of the Action Hunters"(1982, Lee Bonner)
3 out of 10 stars
No action, no adventure, and the charactors don't seem motivated enough to be called "Hunters," this film would more appropriatly be titled "Two People in a Boat: The Movie" seeing that the majoirty of the film is as entertaining as having someone read that sentence to you over and over again. The film circles around a middle aged playboy and a young woman as they look for money in the river, find it, spend it, get chased, and get away. Some guy from the Baltimore Colts plays a hitman, but I don't really care either. "Suckfest of the Suck Squad's Sucky Movie," that's a better title!

"Advising Michael" (1997, Chris Stearns)
7 out of 10 stars
A 50th Street Films division release about a guy going from bad to good to bad relationship and how girls always dream of a perfect guy but date creeps. Perhaps the reason i didn't particularly enjoy this is because, it's so much an accurate reflection of real life that I didn't want to witness it again on the big screen. Well shot, well acted, a tad predictable, but brutally honest. Often used as a threat for punishment aimed at misbehaving Troma employees. Film making at it's most socially depressing.

"Apocalypse Soon" (2003, Gabriel Friedman)
9 out of 10 Stars
A gripping, well detailed documentary on the making of "Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger Part IV!" A step up in technology and entertainment from "Farts of Darkness," this film deals in everything from the sheer incompetence of Lloyd's co-horts, to the perils of being assaulted with gigantic breasts. HIGHLY RECCOMMENDED!

"Bride of Killer Nerd"(1991, Wayne A. Harold)
8 out of 10 stars
Boasting much higher production values and much deeper charactor development, this sequel to "Killer Nerd" finds Harold Kunkle (Toby Randolf, recently portrayed in "American Splendor") falling for a high school nerdett whom nobody likes either. By turning up the shock bar a few notches, the gore flies all about the screen. The ending has a suprisingly lighthearted comedic twist as well. However, the party scene where the main charactors unleash their revenge can become quite tiresome and tedious. Just as good as the original, if that means anything. A must for gore hounds and shock fans alike.

"Capture of Bigfoot"(1979, Bill ReBane)
8 out of 10 stars
REVISED REVIEW
Yes, this is the same film as the earlier review with a guy in a fur coat falling down over-and-over again in the snow, but this is a review of seeing the flm on the big screen. Wow. After a midnight showing that I'll never forget, this film (not unlike "The Matrix") plays thousands of times better in the theater with a group of friends. Make a night of it and surrender to the ecstasy!

"Dead Dudes in the House" (1983, J.Riffel)
8 out of 10 stars
Not quite as hip hop super viscious urban fresh as Troma likes to promote it, but a sweet little gore flick none the less. A group of (Troma describes them as "Hip Hop Happening" but they seem more like "New Wave Gravy" to me) teens become trapped inside an abandon house with an 18th century ghost family with a pension for blood. Pretty well done flashback in time sequences, and some phenominal gore effects keep the pace moving swiftly, but it seems to run about a reel to long. Think "The Shining" MEETS "Mother's Day" MEETS "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo." Word.

"Doggie Tails Volume 1" (2002, Paul Moisio)
8 out of 10 stars
Great for kids, this film is about a dog's first night alone at the pound as he conquers his fears and finds himself in doggy paradise. Sorry folks, no dog-shooting scenes a la' "Toxie 1," but the cameos by Lloyd and Charlotte Kaufman, as well as voices by Gabe Freidman, James Gunn, and Debie Rochon make this a guilty pleasure for Tromites of all ages.

"Graduation Day" (1981, Herb Freed)
8 out of 10 stars
Vanna White AND Linnena (sp?) Quigley star in this "classic" slasher. A high school track team star is murdered shortly before graduation, and as the cap and gown day approaches, the bodies start piling up! A mediocre beginning, slow middle, but awesome final 20 minutes filled with several twists and turns earn this film eight stars. DVD is splendid.

"Horror of the Hungry Humongeous Hungan" (1991, Randall DiNinni)
9 out of 10 stars
Mullets, Monsters, and JACK PALANCE star in this ultra low budget but high imagination Troma classic! A genetic freaks hunts and kills teenagers. Standard plot executed in non-standard means! A handful of great one-liners, a MST3K "Pod People" -esqe visual style, and mullets galore make this standard viewing for any rabid 80's loving Tromavillian. Did I mention the gratuidious (in suc a way that I NEED to spel it wrong to further push the point)band performing an ENTIRE SONG IN THE MIDDLE OF A PARTY FOR NO OTHER REASON THEN FILLER?! Or that Oscar Winner JACK PALANCE NARRORATES?! See now or forever regret!

"I Married a Vampire" (1984, Jay Raskin)
7 out of 10 stars
Contrary to what Videohound syas, this is NOT the worst film in the Troma library. In fact, some parts are downright creative! A simple farm girl (simple, meaning dumb) moves to the big city to live on her own, and she's taken advantage of by everyone she meets. Eventually, with 10 minutes of the film remaining, she marries a vampire and gets revenge. Mediocre editing steals the show, with quite possibly the worst post-rape dissolve scene in history! That, and the protagonist's sheer annoyance makes this film really hard to watch. It's hard to feel pity for someone who squabbles money that they NEED on a sterio, a cult, and a "friend" who is obviously a cleptomaniac and not trustworthy whatsoever. And the copyright following the credits is written on notebook paper, as if anyone would copy this.

"Jefftowne" (1998, Daniel Kraus)
8 out of 10 stars
A well done documentary about Jeff Towne, a 40 year old man with down's syndrome and a love for pro wrestling, beer, and porno. The film shows his mother (whose life plans rest in the hands of the Publisher's Clearing House), his friends (who work at a movie theater) and cameos from Jeff's encounters with William Shatner, Hulk Hogan, and Diamond Dallas Page. Although it may seem odd that I'm reccomending a film with Hulk Hogan in it, rest assured that the films' only flaws is that it leaves the viewer (meaning me) wanting to see more in several aspects of Jeff's life. It was a hit at the 2001 Cannes Film Festival, and the DVD is one of the most jam-packed that Troma has put out recently.

"Killer Nerd" (1990, Wayne A. Harold)
8 out of 10 stars
Harold Kunkle is a nerd who annoys everyone around him and can't get girls. Finally, once he can't take it anymore, he snaps and goes on a murderous rampage. This, is "Killer Nerd," one of many Nerd films Troma went through during it's nerd phase. Watching Toby Randolf as the protagonist A) Is somewhat entertaining, but B) Makes the lead charactor come off as completly unlikable, and therefore not a truly compelling anti-hero. The splatter in this film is magnificent, and it's a must for gorehounds. Otherwise, stick with "Killer Condom" for all your killer needs.

"Left Overs" (2000, Jason Philips)
8 out of 10 stars
Boasting the music of The Cherry Poppin' Daddies, this romantic slacker comedy is arguably the best of the Soth Street Films series. Four roomates run into trouble when their crash pad is put up for sale. The well writing and enchanting performances take that tired formula and turn it into something really special. It the only film I know of with celver magent opening credits AND a scene showing the aftermath of a kitten eating pot. If you're a fan of Kevin Smith's work, or of the 50th Street Films series, I reccommend it.

"Medley" (2000, Gionata Zarantonello)
9 out of 10 stars
A horror/comedy about violence in the life of your average public school student in Italy. Troma has serious, SERIOUS balls to distribute a film like this! Accurate subtitles, fantasic gore effects, and several episodes of brillance, this suprise hit of the 2001 Cannes Film Festival is a must see!

"Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker" (1999, Chris Seaver)
5 out of 10 stars
While this is NOT, I repeat NOT a Troma movie, I've received countless emails to this site asking exactly what this is. Well, it's a feature shot on video that appears on the DVD for TRENT HAAGA's "Hell Asylum." It features Tromalumni Lloyd Kaufman, Trent Haaga, Debbie Rochon, Doug Sakmann, as well as cult icons such as The Naked Cowboy and DJ PGDGM from The Wolfpac. Despite these delightful appearances, this film about a hyped up sugar junkie on Halloween seeking revenge after a traumatizing incident involving stolen Halloween candy is tiresome and annoying. While the director does entertain as the steriotypical friendly black neighbor, his welcome is worn out, proving that sometimes in independent film "More is less." Worth renting if you're a fan of Trent or Debbie's, or if you want to see dancing zombies in blackface. Otherwise, avoid like the waste of tape that it is.

"Story of a Junkie" (1984, Leah Kowalski)
10 out of 10 stars
Dark, disturbing, and all too real, this early 80's documentary expresses gritty realism through the harsh realities of actual drug use through junkies who've succumb to the bottom of New York society. This isn't your funny "Trainspotting" heroin addicts, nor is it your beautiful "Sid and Nancy" heroin addicts. These are real people, left with no seeming family outside their brood and, in one case, pet rats. Very well done, and a staple of some high school's drug education classes, this film is not for the weak. NOTE: Proving to be ahead of the rest of the world, this was THE FIRST FILM EVER to feature Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five's "The Message." SEE IT NOW!

"Superstarlet A.D." (2000, John Michael McCarthy)
9 out of 10 stars
The suprise hit of the 2002 Cannes film festival, this micro-budget indie about a post-apocalyptic world where men turn to ape and women turn to women is an enjoyable sci-fi musical about a vixen's search for a stag film starring her grandmother. With enjoyable songs, an energetic cast, and suprises at every turn, this is required viewing for fans of "Rocky Horror" and "Hedwig!"

"Tomcat Angels" (1991, Don Edmonds)
3 out of 10 stars
With the historical significance of being Troma's least-grossing theatrical release,this film reeks of ineptitude and exploitation (and not in a good way!) Released to capitalize on the Gulf War, women fly planes, fight terrorists, fill steriotypes, and make for a Fox News report years ahead of it's time. A few nice looking ladies, and one or two brief portions of good acting earn this torture three stars. Avoid like SARS!

"The Wedding Party"(1966, Brian Depalma)
7 out of 10 stars
Robert Deniro and Brian DePalma debut with this somewhat good romantic comedy about all the stress that goes along with a wedding party. Slow, dull, and downright lame at part, DeNiro does light up the screen and save the picture. Gene Shalit has been reported as reviewing this film by saying "The Wedding Takes the Cake!" For this he has probably been shot. If you want a Troma film to show mom, this is reccommended.

"Witchcraft 4: Virgin Heart"(1992, James Merindino)
4 out of 10 stars
Since I REALLY don't want to waste my time recapping this wretch of a film, here's IMDB's summary "Rock musicians are selling their souls to the devil for fame and fortune. An attorney with magical powers attempts to stop it." Of course, Julie Strain is great (and the new introduction on the Troma relased DVD is classic)but the rest of the film is poorly shot, directed, written, and just about every negative connotation you can slap on a movie. ::shudders:: Avoid.

"Wizards of the Demon Sword" (1996, Fred Olen Ray)
7 out of 10 stars
Starring Michael Berryman, Lawrence Tierny, and Fred Olen Ray's wife (The chick from "Surf nazis Must Die!!") this film concerns medevil times. A traveling swordsman helps a young girl fight an evil wizard for possession of the magic Knife of Aktar, which gives its owner unlimited power. The girl wants it to help free her imprisoned father, while the wizard is after it for his own nefarious ends. Yes, I did just copy that summary from the IMDB because I REALLY don't feel like rehashing what the title alone should have told you. Really a six star film, with an extra star added for an amusing introduction on the Troma Team Video release.

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