According to Dr. Quack the psychiatrist, too much stress is not necessarily a bad thing. Well, he can go kiss a toad! - They're watching me. They're Watching Me. tHEY'RE wATCHING mE. THEY'RE WATCHING ME. THEY'RE WATCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Schools - http://maxpages.com/ibhumor/Too_Much

According to Dr. Quack the psychiatrist, too much stress is not necessarily a bad thing. Well, he can go kiss a toad!
They're watching me. They're Watching Me. tHEY'RE wATCHING mE. THEY'RE WATCHING ME. THEY'RE WATCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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You know You're Stressed When...
Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.
You can achieve a "runner's high" by sitting up.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
The sun is too loud.
Trees begin chasing you.
You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
You can hear mimes.
You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
Things become Very Clear.
You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
You begin speaking in a language that only you and channelers can understand.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
You keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though you are the only one in the room.
Your heart beats in 7/8 time.
You and Reality file for divorce.
You can skip without a rope.
It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
You can travel without moving.
Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the night.
Teddy bears begin to bully you for milk and cookies.
You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
You become totally enraptured, after dinner one night, in a game of hunt-and-kill involving bananas.
Bad monkeys. Bad, bad monkeys!!!
Your coworkers start to worry when they find you sitting alone in the hall laughing hysterically over nothing.
The Voices get so loud that other people start to hear them.
E-mail is your lifeline to the world.
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
The monkeys start misbehaving again.

25 Ways To Cope With Stress
1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
5. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
6. Dance naked in front of your pets.
7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.
8. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
9. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
10. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
11. Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
12. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
13. Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's wife.
14. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
15. Drive to work in reverse.
16. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
17. Tell you boss to "blow it out your mule" and let him figure it out.
18. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
19. Polish your car with earwax.
20. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
21. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
22. Braid the hairs in each nostril.
23. Write a short story using alphabet soup.
24. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
25. Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.

You know it's going to be a bad day when...
You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put on your bra backwards and it fits better.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
You turn on the news and they are showing escape routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
You wake up to realize your waterbed broke and then discover you don't have a waterbed.
Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
Your income tax check bounces.
You put both contacts in one eye.

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Hell's Outhouse
Colorado Springs	Colorado
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Page Updated Sat Jun 3, 2000 1:21pm EDT