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| Spooky's Stuff |  |
| One full page of pure sarcasm, Krycek stuff, and assorted eccentricities. (Did I spell that rite?) |
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| A Little Gem About Krycek (Surprise.) | These are some random quotes I've collected from IB-ers. |
| I know that none of you care.... but Nick Lea won the USA Today poll for who is going to be the next action hero!!! Yahoo! I know you don't care, but I do. Hee hee hee.... Any of you feel free to apologize for ever insulting him *cough cough* Okay. Sorry. I'm going away now. WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? X-FILES STYLE Fox Mulder: No government agency has jurisdiction over the chicken. The chicken is out there, Scully, and we will find it. Dana Scully: There is a logical, scientific explanation for the chicken crossing the road. We need more evidence. Walter Skinner: You've got 24 hours to find out why that @!/%*& chicken crossed the road! CSM: There was no chicken. Alex Krycek: Because he can't decide WHAT side he's really on. Byers: It was trying to escape the most heinous and evil force of the twentieth century. Langly: It was on its way to the grassy knoll, dude. Frohike: I don't know, but she's hot. Bill Mulder: It heard the words, and they made sense to it.... merchandise...fryer parts.... Mrs. Mulder: I have told you that I don't remember any chicken. Mrs. Scully: I had a dream about the chicken being taken away.... Melissa Scully: The chicken needed to get in touch with its inner self, to find the light and the good. It was in a very dark place... Bill Scully, Sr.: One day the chicken and I will be together again... Bill Scully, Jr.: Dana, you spend too much time worrying about chickens... for HIM? You should be home with your family! Queequeg: Woof! (translation: to avoid being eaten by Big Blue.) Agent Pendrell: To get Dana a birthday present. The Well-Manicured Man: It will cross the road in one of two ways.... Deep Throat: Mr. Mulder, they crossed the road a very long time ago. Trust no fowl. X: The chicken is choosing a dangerous time to cross alone. The road is still out there, but it's never been more dangerous. Marita Covarrubias: I don't know how much I can tell you about the chicken.... Oh yesss, the chickenssss. How much time do you have? Jeremiah Smith: I can't tell you right now why the chicken crossed the road, but if you come with me, I'll show you.... The Mighty Morphin' Bounty Hunter: Tell me where the chicken is! Danny (Mulder's FBI inside man): Because it needed to get a better look at a license plate. but I sure hope he stayed away from the - heh heh - *landmines* and junk! SQUEEZE Tom Colton: At this point I'm willing to accept any theory as to why the chicken crossed the road--any sane theory. I'm sorry, Dana, but I only want qualified chickens at the intersection. Eugene Tooms: Mmm...pate... Det. Frank Briggs: I've been waiting...sixty years...for the chicken to cross that road. CONDUIT Darlene Morris: Why do you want to know? So that the chicken can face the same ridicule I did years ago when *I* crossed the road? You stay away from my chicken. THE JERSEY DEVIL Ellen: Well - first it had to get a life. And...a rooster. Rob: I don't know, but I don't suppose you want to hear about the finer points of the state planning and taxation? GHOST IN THE MACHINE Brad Wilczek: Chickens enjoy walking down unpredictable avenues, turning new corners, but, as a general rule, chickens never cross roads. FALLEN ANGEL Commander Henderson: Get this chicken out of my sight! Woman at the U.S. Space Surveillance Center: The chicken seems to be hovering over a small road in eastern Wisconsin. EVE Eves: It just knew. FIRE Phoebe Greene: Did the chicken have a date, 'cause if not... I could always... Cecil L'ively: It was dying for a cigarette. BEYOND THE SEA Luther Lee Boggs: I can see... the chicken; yes, the chicken, is in pain, great pain, and oh god! The Road! He's going to cross the road!! GENDERBENDER Brother Andrew: The chicken left its peaceful community of brothers and sisters and crossed the road to become one of you . . . to enjoy pleasures we can't. Michael: The road's touch was electric....but after that, the chicken remembers, only vaguely. Crossing the road used to be so simple! LAZARUS Jack Willis: I don't know....I think I remember why it crossed the road... No! No! I don't care about that chicken anymore!!! YOUNG AT HEART John Barnett: Man... I'm *everywhere* that chicken is... MIRACLE MAN Rev. Cal Hartley: The chicken crossed to be HEALED! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! GOD is with the chicken! Amen... SHAPES Indian man: He should have been called... Feathered Chicken... or Flying Chicken, not Crossing Chicken. DARKNESS FALLS Doug Spinney: The chicken crossed the road because its natural habitat was being methodically destroyed by clearcuts and illegal logging... within ten years, we won't have any forests *or* chickens left! BORN AGAIN Michelle Bishop: *I* made the chicken cross the road. Detective Sharon Lazard: There's no way the chicken crossed the road on its own. I've known that chicken for years, and it would never do that. ROLAND Chickens cross roads. But they're not supposed to get run down. BLOOD Ed Funsch: It was ordered to by its microwave oven. DUANE BARRY I don't know... it just had to go...Please, I'm askin' ya not to stop it from crossing the road... it just has to go!!!!!!! 3 Kristin Kilar: The chicken won't cross the road. It's not who he is. It doesn't make him happy. AUBREY BJ Morrow: It saw a dog digging in the field across the road. IRRESISTIBLE Donnie Pfaster: Were its feathers normal, or dry? Agent Bocks: It shot across the road to see what's the what. Karen Kosseff (speaking to the chicken): How does crossing the road make you feel? What are your fears about crossing the road? Are you afraid of failing the rooster? COLONY The Gregors: That chicken was the last remaining. Unless you protect it, it is already dead. Rev. Sistrunk: You're asking me if chicken roasts on hell's barbecue for crossing the road? FEARFUL SYMMETRY Sophie the Gorilla: Chicken go crossing road. HUMBUG Mr. Nutt: Just because you have a chicken, you automatically assume that it will cross the road? In an attempt to continue an age-old joke that never had any humor in the first place, you've only managed to further trample on the subject... and draw it out in all its mediocrity. When in fact - do you really know if the chicken had better things to do than simply cross the road? That perhaps it may have gone off to study, to gain a better life? But no, you just took the simple framework of common knowledge, and *assumed* that the chicken would cross the road, thus increasing an already cliched stereotype. The Conundrum: burp Dr. Blockhead: It's a mystery. And some mysteries were never meant to be solved. THE CALUSARI Charlie/Michael Holvey: The chicken wants to cross the road, Mommy. *Now*. OUR TOWN Workers at Chaco Chicken: A chicken? That wasn't a chicken, that was the Mayor... ANASAZI CC's FBI Agent: The chicken crossed the road? Wasn't the chicken originally assigned to remain at the *side* of the road? THE BLESSING WAY/PAPER CLIP Albert Hosteen: There is an ancient Indian saying that a chicken lives only as long as the last person that remembers it crossing the road. Dr. Pomerantz: The chicken told me about its experience of crossing the road... It was afraid... but it didn't die. Someone must have cared for the chicken... It had to get back to that safe place we talked about. Luis Cardinal: We got the wrong chicken! D.P.O. Because it was in for a little barbecue, heh-heh. CLYDE BRUCKMAN'S FINAL REPOSE The Stupendous Yappi: The chicken feels it is not in control of its own destiny. It has feathers - somewhere on its body. It recently laid an egg - or not. Here - it tries to force itself onto the road! But...it cannot cross the road...it is incompetent. Clyde Bruckman: Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do any of us do anything? Why did he choose that exact moment to cross the road, thus leaving a slight indentation in the surface... that, fifty years later, causes a man driving a blue sports car to hit it, and spin off the road, spiraling to his death... Madame Zelma: Madame Zelma, she is a fortune-teller, NOT a chicken keeper. THE LIST Napleon "Neech" Manley: To avenge all the petty tyranny and the cruelty it has suffered. 2SHY Virgil Incanto: Mmm... Schmaltz. OUBLIETTE Lucy Householder: I don't know nothin' about no chicken. If I'm your last hope... then that chicken's in a lot more trouble than you think. NISEI/731 Japanese diplomat: To be fitted out for a pillowcase. WAR OF THE COPROPHAGES Dr. Bambi: To eat, sleep, defecate, procreate. Who cares about the road... what bugs did the chicken eat for lunch? Dr. Ivanov: I don't know much about... *chickens*. What is it? Stoner Guy: Woah, man. The chicken's crawling up inside your arm. That's wrong, dude. SYZYGY Det. White: To solve the mystery of the horned chicken. Terri: The chicken killed Mr. Tippy!! Margi: Hate him, hate him, wouldn't wanna date him! Madame Zirinka: You want me to tell you why the chicken crossed the road? Business hours are nine to five, all major credit cards accepted. GROTESQUE Agent Bill Patterson: To really understand the chicken's motivation, you must get inside its head and risk letting the chicken into yours. PUSHER Robert Modell: The other side of the road looks very interesting. The sky looks so blue on that side. Cerulean blue. I bet you want to go to the other side of the road. The chicken's right over there, waiting. Go on, cross the road... Holly: I don't know why the chicken did it! I'm so, so sorry, sir... I'm so sorry... JOSE CHUNG'S FROM OUTER SPACE Jose Chung: I interviewed the chicken several times, over the course of three weeks, and each time I interviewed him, I got a different answer! Truth is as subjective as reality! By the way, do you know if he prefers the term 'crosser' or 'transportee'? The Men in Black: No object is more often mistaken for a chicken than the planet Venus. You never saw a chicken. Det. Manners: Does anyone give a bleep why the bleepin' chicken crossed the road? Who the bleep cares? By the way, someone called to say they found a real live bleepin' chicken body. Lord Kinbote: No harm will come unto the chicken. The chicken's efforts are needed for the survival of all earth-chickens. Come, I will showeth thee the chicken. Lt. Jack Schaeffer: The chicken did NOT cross the road...the chicken did NOT cross the road... Blaine Faulkner: It wasn't a chicken. It was a MIB sent in by the *proper authorities* disguised as a chicken, and it wasn't pulling it off. Like, it was yellow, but a little *too* yellow, you know? Roky Crikenson: This may sound kinda crazy but the chicken wanted to be abducted by aliens. So that he wouldn't have to get a job or anything. QUAGMIRE Stoner Dude: Mannn... 'cause there were all these arrows, and stuff-- and they were just telling the chicken to go, man... just go... HOME Mrs. Peacock: I kin tell you don't have no chickins of yer own. Otherwaz you'd unnerstan' the prad, the luv, whin you know yer chickins'd do anithin' fer their keeper. Sheriff Andy Taylor: The day that chicken crossed the road... I knew the day had come and my home would never be the same... Peacock Brothers: To raise and breed its own stock, if you know what I mean. UNRUHE Gerry Schnauz: Because it needed to get rid of the Howlers. Er hat unruhe.... THE FIELD WHERE I DIED Melissa Riedal-Ephesian: Once, long ago, the chicken and I stood by this road - this is the road where I watched the chicken cross. Sydney: I don't know why! Why don't you just leave the chicken alone! Leave it alone! It's already been through too much... PAPER HEARTS John Lee Roche: I can tell you about the chicken... but you need to help me. I want a deal. Trust a chicken molester? TUNGUSKA/TERMA Member of Congress: Answer the question, Miss Road: Where is the chicken, and why is it not here? EL MUNDO GIRA Soledad Buente: Because his brother betrayed him. NEVER AGAIN Betty: Another chicken in my bed! If it crosses the road, it's dead!!! Ed Jerse: Can you hear that? She's driving me crazy...She's so jealous...she hates it when chickens cross the road... LEONARD BETTS He's sorry. But the road had something he needed. MEMENTO MORI Dr. Scanlon: The chicken's going to feel like dying. Kurt Crawford: I saw several chickens, and they were all wearing white lab coats and were headed for the Lombard Research Facility... After all, they want the same thing you want... TEMPUS FUGIT/MAX Sharon Graffia: The chicken wrote to me.. just before he crossed the road. He knew what was going to happen. Sgt. Frisch: I did it. I made the chicken cross the road. Max Fenig: So, I've devoted my life to providing all you disbelievers out there with proof. Proof that there are chickens right now, as we speak, crossing the road in alien ships for purposes of a rather troubling agenda known only to the government, the FBI, and certain high-ranking members of the military/poultry community. Not that they'd ever admit it publicly... of course. Nor would they admit they have salvaged some of this poultry technology and are using it in military applications. No, that would be un-American. And they won't admit it until someone confronts them with unrefutable, undeniable proof. Someone like me. And I should probably mention that I do this at great risk to my personal health and safety. But, hey, when everyday is just another day you're going to be kidnapped by little feathered dudes from Foster Farms, what's a few CIA spooks to worry about? SMALL POTATOES Eddie Van Blundht: Let's just say hypothetically that the chicken did cross the road. Now if that's what the road wanted and nobody got hurt, then hypothetically where's the crime? ELEGY Chuck Forsch: Oooh! That was me, I did it! I admit it, I did it! I made the chicken cross the road! I'm just a human being after all! GETHSEMANE Michael Kritschgau: The chicken was an elaborate hoax all along, planted so that you would believe the lie that chickens existed. Chris Carter: You'll have to wait until the movie comes out next summer to find out. Fanfic writer: Because Chris Carter wasn't letting it go anywhere, and it needed someone to let it cross. v X-Phile: Maybe the chicken is so fed up waiting for the %@#&*@ premeire that it decided to go play in traffic. Non X-Phile: Who cares? It's just a stupid chicken! It's fictional! Why the heck are you so concerned about chickens, anyway? I just don't see what you see in this whole thing! Shipper: The chicken and the road had undeniable chemistry and were fated to cross. NoRoMo: I can't understand why you people can't be satisfied with the chicken walking by the side of the road. Why does the chicken have to cross the road? Why are you focusing on that? It would ruin the chicken! There once was a beautiful Rat, He worked for an old man who sat, He pushed the man's chair, He fell down the stairs, And on his dead body he spat. Spooky P.S. No, I didn't write it. More importantly, The Smoking Man is not dead. Not until I see his dead rotting carcass. |
"Don't ask why, go get high." "Don't use a pencil and get high." "Point of order! All the people standing are dead!" "And I thought I was the only girl in the world who didn't want to sleep with an ass." "Somebody! Fetch me a pig!" "So I says to little Jimmy and the twins "You've been a bad boy. Come here." "My toilet paper had a little crocheted hat." "I wish I was a ladybug. Because then I would bite people." More to come.... this is only after two days of collecting quotes Spooky Here are some more random quotes: "It's life, it's war, it's a potato." "Don't stick that straw up your nose or I would be forced to tell you to stick that straw up your nose." "We should send them a big ass and say, "Here, kick this giant ass." "I'm a fairy. Trust me." "We were talking about petite cabbages." More to come as they are collected :) Spooky |
| A Poem | This is part of a certain somebody's life work. |
| Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, system manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the "save" command and waited for the disk to store, only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer only this and nothing more, just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" With my fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee, timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted, words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, saying, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" There I sat, distraught, exhausted; by my own machine accosted. Getting up, I turned away, and paced across the office poor. And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" |
I didn't fail the test; I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life! Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. Today is the last day of some of your life. Death is a once in a lifetime experience. Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't. Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you. I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Alone: In bad company. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know. We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? I had this dream last night that I was asleep and I dreamt it while I was awake. Sarcasm is the safe alternative to expressing anger. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?! It's not a mistake until someone discovers what you've done wrong. Sorry if I look interested. I'm not. Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Earth is full - Go home. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. Blame someone else and get on with your life. I'm waiting for the right man to come along. Meanwhile, there's nothing wrong with having some fun with the wrong ones. Where have you been all my life? And when are you going back? Cute guys are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk. Boys will be boys. And so will a lot of middle-aged men. Sometimes when you look in his eyes, you get the feeling someone else is driving. All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. Anarchy - It's not the law, it's just a good idea. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the minute you get up and doesn't stop until you get to the office. One of the symptoms of a nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. Some things have to be believed to be seen. God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. I've heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of Rice Krispies. Failed book: How to raise your I.Q. by eating gifted children. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his chest plate open. If voting could change things, it would be illegal. If it's a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. What am I? Flypaper for freaks? I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. No, my powers can only be used for good. How about never? Is never good for you? I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message… I don't work here. I'm a consultant. Who? Me? I just wander from room to room. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys! It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. You were meant for me, perhaps as a punishment. When I met you, I thought about becoming a Satanist, but then decided that worshiping you could give you the wrong idea about our relationship. When I heard about the operation, I just had to say…Am I in your will? I know how to push all my wife's buttons…now if I could only find the one marked "OFF" I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened. Especially since you survived. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. This time of year I always make out my wish list…and you're not on it. You! Out of the gene pool! In God we trust. All others we monitor. Bury me upside-down so the world can kiss my ass! I'm immature, unorganized, irresponsible, lazy, and LOUD…but I'm FUN. Not all men are annoying…. Some are dead. You're just jealous because the voices talk to me. To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group. When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose? When I was a child I was told that anybody could become president. Now I'm beginning to believe it. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. I find nothing more depressing than optimism. And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and choke himself. Take time to stop and smell the roses…. And sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. Some days it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts, but as mattresses? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him - is he still wrong? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" Is there another word for "synonym?" If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines? I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now. Let me introduce my selves. You! Off my planet! Earth is full. Go home. And your crybaby, whiny-assed opinion would be?…. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. If I throw a stick, will you leave? Does your train of thought have a caboose? Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. Meandering to a different drummer. How do I set a laser printer to stun? Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me? I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1? And which dwarf are you? Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you" Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes. And just how may I screw you over today? If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil… Better living through denial. After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs? I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. Don't worry! I forgot your name too. One of us is thinking about sex…okay. It's me. Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no |
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