I wouldn't recommend using this research, but if you're really that desperate, go for it. - Schools - http://maxpages.com/ibhumor/Research_for

"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind
because he looked at a solar eclipse without one ot those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."
-Joseph Romm
"She caught your eye like on of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen
doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."
-Rich Murphy
"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."
-Russell Beland
"McBride fell 13 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."
-Paul Sabourin
"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:30 pm instead of
7:00."
-Roy Ashley
"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."
-Chuck Smith
"Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."
-Russell Beland
"Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake."
-Ken Krattenmaker
"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."
-Unknown
"He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch-tree."
-Jack Bross
"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."
-Gary Hevel
"Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie, this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
-Russell Beland
"Long seperated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35 mph."
-Jennifer Hart
"The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can."
-Wayne Goode
"They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy
Kerrigan's teeth."
-Paul Kocak
"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
-Russell Beland
"The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being
shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."
-Barbara Fetherolf
"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and braking alliances like underpants in a dryer
without Cling Free."
-Chuck Smith
"The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon."
-Unknown

1.Avoid alliteration. Always.
2.Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3.Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4.Employ the vernacular.
5.Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6.Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7.It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8.Contractions aren't necessary.
9.Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10.One should never generalize.
11.Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you
know."
12.Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13.Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14.Profanity sucks.
15.Be more or less specific.
16.Understatement is always best.
17.Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18.One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19.Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20.The passive voice is to be avoided.
21.Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22.Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23.Who needs rhetorical questions?

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International Baccalaureate
Hell's Outhouse
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Page Updated Sat Jun 3, 2000 3:29pm EDT