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| Somewhere over the rainbow, there is a land where we are all sane. Unfortunately, it ain't here. |
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| How to Write an IB Paper in 25 Easy Steps | Lightbulb Jokes, Bumper Stickers, and Other Little Items I Dregged Up From the Bottom of My Soul |
| 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk to the local Starbucks and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop over at a friend's house on the way back and visit with them. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you their paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating plastic see-thru folders, drop them. 5. When you get back, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 6. Read over the assignment again to make sure you absolutely understand it. 7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate. 8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. 9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start the paper. 10. Listen to the other side. 11. Rearrange all of your CD's, tapes, etc. into alphabetical order. 12. Phone your friend and ask if they've started the paper yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the IB program, the world in general. 13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor. 15. Check out the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwile on TV. Note: when a paper is due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwile, with these exceptions: 1) Pro Bowler's Tour, 2) any movie starring Don Ameche. 16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26. 17. Phone your friend again to see if they were watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot. 18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror. 19. Look through your album of pictures from the last 15 years. Try to remember who everyone is. 20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your future. 21. Open your door and check to see if there are any IB coordinators lurking about. 22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it. 24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise. 25. Lie face down on the floor and moan. |
Something interesting to note: Have you seen the bumpersticker that says "Yes I have a liberal arts degree. Do you want fries with that?" Well, the IB paper work says that we IB students are being prepared for a liberal arts education. Have a nice day. ********* How many IBers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, we all glow in the dark from the computer radiation! |
| Toshiba the Japanese student | |
| It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death?'" She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy. "Now," said the teacher, "who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?'" Again there was no response except from Toshiba. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do." As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper, "Damned Japanese." "Who said that?" she demanded. Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said. At that point, feeling completely disgusted by Toshiba's classroom superiority, a student in the back sighed and said, "I'm gonna throw up." Teacher said, "Who said that?" Again, Toshiba raised his hand and said, "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Well suck my ****!" Once again, it was Toshiba with the answer, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997." |
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