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| Exceptional Eceptable Excuses |  |
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| Not one I'd use... | A New Calendar |
| The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from a family member). A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing. When they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand." |
NEG FRI FRI FRI THU WED TUE 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 16 15 14 12 11 10 9 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 32 30 28 27 26 25 24 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 1. This is a special calendar for handling rush jobs. All rush jobs are needed yesterday. With this calendar, a job or project can be ordered on the 7th and delivered on the 3rd. 2. Many companies set Friday deadlines, so there are three Fridays in every week. This is also beneficial for those persons who are paid on Fridays. 3. There are eight new days added to each month, to allow for month-end panic jobs. 4. There is no 1st of the month, thus avoiding late delivery of the previous month's last-minute panic jobs. 5. Monday morning hangovers are abolished, along with non-productive Saturdays and Sundays. 6. A new day -- Negotiation Day -- has been introduced keeping the other days free for uninterrupted panic. |
| We all know that the 2 biggest lies in the world are: 1) "The check is in the mail." 2) "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you." Ann Landers asked her readers to come up with Number 3. Here's a sampling of what they came up with: - "It's good you came in today, we only have 2 more in stock!" - "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed." - "You don't look a day over 40." - "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm and into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study." - "It's delicious, really, but I can't eat another bite." - "The new ownership won't affect you. The company will remain the same." - "The puppy won't be any trouble, Dad. I promise I'll take care of it myself. You won't have to do anything." - "Your hair looks just fine." - "Put away the map, I know exactly how to get there." - "You don't need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee!" |
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