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| These are real pieces of homework turned into real teachers by real IB students. Really! |  |
| In all seriousness, I can't believe that these were actually turned in, but they were. |
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| A Sonnet for English Class | We're not really sure if the guy who wrote this was an IBer, but I could easily believe it. |
| Krycek's arm is missing - There's nothing we can do. Kissing the stump won't help. The doctors are worthless, too. If he were under D-11 health-care They'd staple his arm back on. It really isn't fair That Krycek's arm is gone. Krycek, he was sleeping there, Peacefully by the fire Then the Russians cut it off. Mulder planned the whole damn thing. He is such a liar.... And although the Russians meant much harm, There's no beauty greater than his new prosthetic arm. by SPOOKY [the Village Idiot's note: Spooky got a 28/30 and the comments "Ok! Odd!"] |
How hot is it in hell? - A True Story A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities. #1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. #2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic. The student got the only A. |
| An actual converstation between me and Spooky | A Winning Essay |
| After taking the District Assesments for English (they look exactly like the DALTS)... S: Well that was fun V: Gee that's only the, what?, 8th time I've taken that test S: Lucky you. Did you catch the one question that was answered on the same page? Idiots... V: What question? S: That one about the atypical behavior V: oh yeah. We got us some smart cookies over in the Admin Building, huh? S: Oh yeah. Regular Rocket Scientists. Don't forget the (letter that looks like a W)e cards today V: the we-cards? Please excuse me, my brain went off on vacation and left my subconcious in charge S: cue cards. I have unintelligible handwriting. I've been known to make up letters V: Oh I get it. sure. okay. Si. Oui. Whatever. Igor, fetch me my brain. No I don't care that it's on vacation. Okay. Fine. It can go back when we're done with the cards S: How long have you been feeling this way? V: Forever and ever and a day. S: Uh-huh...*writes note in a little notebook* Fascinating... V: Are you doing a crossword puzzle in your little notebook? 'Cause 13 down in the Nautilus S: Me? No! Of course not...By the way, what's a 5 letter word for idiot that means "an idiot who can't think of a 5 letter word for idiot"? V: Retard...No that's six...how about moron? Or *gasp* idiot?!? S: D'oh! V: Donut?!? S: I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be...ooooooh! Donuts! V: :) :) :) |
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements; religion, royalty, sex, and mystery. The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?" |
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