Cafffiene is one the essential IB vitamins, but you can get too much of a good thing. - Schools

You Know You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When…
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says, “Coffee drinkers are good in the
sack.”
You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You have to watch movies in fast forward.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the
timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation at “Maxwell House”.
You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t
even work there.
You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew other people’s fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, “Decaf is the devil’s blend.”
You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute…with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
Cocaine is a downer.
All of your kids are named “Joe”.
You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
You don’t sweat, you percolate.
You buy ½ & ½ by the barrel
You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged
in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks that you need to calm down.
You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Your taste buds are so numb that you could drink your lava lamp.
You’re so wired that you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
When someone says, “How are you?” you say “Good to the last drop.”
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a
coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
You named your cats “Cream” and Sugar.”
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You have a conniption over spilt milk.
You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitches register on the Richter scale.
You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
You don’t tan, you roast.
You don’t get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life are…coffee before, coffee during, and
coffee after.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to
get you in the mood.
You can’t even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

Gee, some of these sound familiar from the “You know you’re in IB” list.

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International Baccalaureate
Hell's Outhouse
Colorado Springs	Colorado
village_idiot_66@hotmail.com

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Page Updated Sat May 13, 2000 3:22pm EDT