[At this point, Goku is dead, and Gohan is training in the desert.]
GOHAN: Now where's the dinosaur that chases me? Oh there.
[Dinosaur chases Gohan]
GOHAN: Uh-oh, I'm gonna be fondue (or whatever)!! [flies onto mountain]
[Looks around and sees that there is no way down]
GOHAN: Uh-oh, I'm tired and hungry!
[Night falls. Gohan is being watched by Piccolo.]
PICCOLO: Luckily, I've got some sour apples for him. [throws Gohan some apples]
GOHAN: Thanks, Mr. Piccolo! [eats apples] Sour! Yuck!
PICCOLO: You can see me?!!
GOHAN: Well, yeah.
PICCOLO: Oh, CRAP!! This never happened, OK? I'm not watching you train. I hate you! Go away!
GOHAN: But why is it so bright at nighttime? [Looks at the full moon] Oh, it's the full moon. I've never seen the full moon before, in four years.
[transforms into Ozaru]
PICCOLO: Oh, no! He's going ape! Wow, he's totally monkeying around! He's a regular . . . unnh . . . I don't know anymore monkey puns.
GOHAN: Growl!!!
PICCOLO: What was it Raditz said? Oh, yeah! The moon. Oh wait. I guess he didn't say that. Oh, well. I'll blow it up! [Blows up the moon]
[Gohan changes back]
PICCOLO: Now I'll pull off his tail. [pulls it off] Much better. Here's some clothes like your father's and a sword.
GOHAN: Thanks, Mr. Piccolo.
PICCOLO: CRAP!!!!! OK, you didn't see me this time either.
[Goku is in the underworld with Kami]
KAMI: This guy's King Enma. He rules over the dead.
ENMA: So you're Son Goku, huh?
GOKU: Yes, sir.
KAMI: Goku! Don't speak to a god like that! Say "Kimashita ka!"
GOKU: What??
KAMI and ENMA: Oh, Goku.
GOKU: So do aliens come here as well, Kami?
KAMI: Yeah.
GOKU: Excuse me, King Enma, but did my brother Raditz come through here?
ENMA: Yep he's in Hell--err, that is HFIL, the Home for Infinite Losers. You get to go to Heav--that is HFAVFN, the Home for a Valiant Farmer Now.
GOKU: What the heck is that supposed to mean??
ENMA: Shut up.
GOKU: Anyway, how'd you beat Raditz?
ENMA: I'm strong.
KAMI: Not as strong as Kaiou.
ENMA: Shut up Kami!! Good lord, I hate you.
GOKU: So can I get training from Kaiou?
ENMA: Yeah, fine. Go down the Snake Road. It's really long.
GOKU: All right, then. Bye.
ENMA: And don't fall off or you go to HFIL.
GOKU: I know. I won't fall. [starts running down the road and immediately slips on a banana peel and falls off]
ENMA: Hah! That never gets old!
KAMI: You're such a jerk.
[Goku is now in HFIL, where two ogres greet him.]
GOZ: I'm Goz the orgre.
MEZ: I'm Mez the ogre. You're in Hell.
GOZ: No! It's HFIL now.
MEZ: Yeah, fine.
GOZ: If you beat me, you can leave here.
GOKU: OK, then. [beats up Goz] How do I get out?
GOZ: New rules. You have to catch Mez.
GOKU That's not fair!
GOZ: Haha. So? I'm the one who knows where the secret passage is, so HA!
GOKU: Here we go. [catches Mez]
GOKU: Now?
GOZ: New rules. You have to . . . um . . . hop up and down and then . . . then eat a whole . . . dinosaur. With your toes.
GOKU: C'mon . . .
GOZ: Ah, fine. Mez, show him.
MEZ: It's around here somewhere. There's a sign. Oh, there.
[Behind them is a 300-foot billboard reading "SECRET PASSAGE."]
MEZ: There.
GOKU: Thanks. Jerks. [leaves]
[Goku appears in Enma's desk]
GOKU: I hate you, Enma.
ENMA: That's what they all say.
Hit back soon for the 'training' episode...
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