Raditz is on earth, and Goku is at a party with his old friends]
GOKU: Hey, everyone! It's me, Goku.
MASTER ROSHI: Hi, again, Goku.
KRILLIN and BULMA: Yeah, hi.
GOKU: See this kid? He's my boy, Gohan. Aren't you shocked to see I have a son?
BULMA: Goku, you told us that three hours ago. Remember, he was kidnapped?
GOKU: Oh yeah . . . but that was just a movie.
BULMA: Oh, sorry. I forgot. Movies don't count.
GOKU: Right. His hat has a Dragonball on it in case he gets kidnapped again. That way we can use the Dragon Radar to find him.
BULMA: Good thinking.
GOKU: Uh-oh! An evil force!!
BULMA: What? Where?
[Raditz lands and stares at Goku for twenty minutes]
GOKU: What? You're being rude.
RADITZ: Sorry. I was spacing out. Uh . . . anyway . . . oh, yeah. You're Kakarot, my brother. We're Saiyans from a planet called Vegeta, which blew up, and only me, you, two others, and some more that aren't in the real storyline, and now I'm gonna kill your son if you don't kill 100 humans.
GOKU: OK.
RADITZ: C'mere, little boy. I'm your Uncle Raditz! [grabs Gohan and flies away]
GOHAN: Waaaaahhhh!
BULMA: He has no tears . . .
GOKU: Glandular problem. We're getting it treated. Well, I guess I'll team up with Piccolo.
PICCOLO: Right over here.
[They both fly off]
GOKU: What do you hate most about him?
PICCOLO: That hair. He was pretty nice otherwise.
[Raditz is tending to Gohan and putting him in the pod]
RADITZ: My scouter indicates Kakarot and that green guy are coming.
[Goku and Piccolo land]
RADITZ: So . . . worst enemies team up . . .
GOKU: How'd you know . . . never mind. Get him Piccolo!!!
[Raditz beats the snot out of them and knocks Piccolo's arm off]
PICCOLO: Goku, have any new attacks?
GOKU: No.
PICCOLO: OK, I'll do mine. Makkankosappo!!!
RADITZ: Power level 1330! Higher than mine! I'll dodge. [dodges]
GOHAN: Stay away from Daddy! [hits Raditz really hard]
PICCOLO: I can only do the Makkankosappo one more time.
GOKU: Here, I'll sacrifice one of my lives. [grabs Raditz] There. Kill him now.
[Piccolo kills them both]
[The gang from Kame House arrives]
MASTER ROSHI: Piccolo, is he dead?
PICCOLO: Not yet. Hey, Raditz, we're gonna wish him back you know. With something called dragonballs.
RADITZ: Haha! Now my cohorts will come and kill you and take the dragonballs. [dies]
BULMA: Way to go, you moron.
KRILLIN: [kneeling by Goku] Goku, you dead yet? You'll love it. there's a guy there named King Enma. Say hey to him, all right.
GOKU: Sure. [dies]
PICCOLO: All right. I'll take the kid so I can eat him.
KRILLIN: Yeah right! You're probably gonna train him!
[long silence]
KRILLIN: Did we screw that up?
PICCOLO: I think so. OK, try again.
KRILLIN: Go.
PICCOLO: I'll take him for training.
KRILLIN: You're gonna eat him!
PICCOLO: Liar. 'K, bye. [flies away with Gohan]
[Piccolo and Gohan land in a remote location. Piccolo throws Gohan in the water]
GOHAN: Where's dad?
PICCOLO: He just died, remember?
GOHAN: Oh, yeah . . .
PICCOLO: OK, do you remember your power?
GOHAN: I vaguely remember knocking a blue guy into a black hole-looking thing .. .
PICCOLO: Garlic Junior?
GOHAN: I think so.
PICCOLO: Not him! I meant today.
GOHAN: That was today.
PICCOLO: The OTHER today!
GOHAN: Ohhhhhhh! Raditz, right?
PICCOLO: Right. Now that you remember, I'll throw you at the mountain over there. [throws him]
[Gohan blows away the mountain]
PICCOLO: OK, you need training.
GOHAN: What do I do?
PICCOLO: First, get chased by a dinosaur for 6 months. Then, I'll come back and beat the crap out of you every day. Then we fight Raditz's partners.
GOHAN: Sounds easy.
PICCOLO: Yep. Well, I'll see you then, I guess. Have fun.
GOHAN: I will! See ya, Mr. Piccolo.
PICCOLO: Awww . . . what a cute kid.
To be continued...
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