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| You might be a redneck if.... -Your job skills include being handy with a cattle prod and knowing how to roll back an odometer -You've ever scraped your elbows trying to get something out of a dumpster -Your favorite color is "shiny" -You clean fish on your ironing board -Your kids use cheese whiz in place of toothpaste -You fix "slower-than-dog-poop" traffic lights with a 12 guage shotgun -Your attorney can be reached at 1-800-wip-lash -you know where to get government cheese -Your kids end up on milk cartons befere you realize they're missing -You wish you could bend your head down as far as your dog can -Your kids are the source of school head lice epidemics -You keep your shed more secure than your home -Your wife thinks her thighs look thinner in spandex -You've ever seen seen someone spray their phone with lysol after you used it -You wish those "Pencil-pushin' retards at the division of insurance fraud would leave you alone -You've ever told your wife that Jean-Claude Van Damme is a homo -You keep spare Ferris wheel parts in your shed -Your wife asks about layaway at flea markets |
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