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| COLUMNS by Ryan Ayukawa 2 |
| What does not kill us only makes us more cynical. |
| I am pleased and honored to have Ryan as regular contributor to our weekly e-zine. His columns will be archived here, every two weeks. I know 3 things about the author of these columns. 1)He is a young male. 2)He hails from Canada. 3) He writes with the kind of humor and intellect that I can only dream of. Braisco By Ryan Ayukawa rayukawa@accessv.com 10/17/1999 I realize now that I've twice used the Bob Dylan lyrics reference in my last two columns. It was bound to happen. In the leap from post-modern to pre-apocalyptic, our minds latch on to any thought, sight or sound that marginally resembles a stable reality. With a world of Springer-like dot-dot-com twelve-toed freak shows that make us doubt Darwin's Theory, it's near impossible to discern what's real, unreal, base, debase, true or false. A "Like, you know," is all that separates the latest Seinfeldism from being sucked into a black hole conversation. So where are the answers? What is true? What is real? We can ask and search til Y3.14K, but in the end it's a toss up. Jefferson: "Death and taxes." Einstein: The only constant in the universe is the speed of light. And that coin has more hang time than a Jordan airball. At first guess I'd say heads - Jefferson only because, unfortunately, as of this writing, both still remain very much deceased. But as I grow older I grow more skeptical. I question everything and everyone. Where a year before I would have wholeheartedly embraced the validity of the most recent Elvis sighting at the local Starbucks. Now I demand independent confirm of the fact. Yes, I rush right out and read the Enquirer. And maybe that's the answer in itself. To look at the world as if there are no constants beyond death, taxes and mc2. I've seen it everyday. When a woman asks a man, "Does this dress make me look fat?" there is no single right answer. Only a degree of wrongness. "Yes", "No" are not constants. They're in there with "Could you repeat the question" - all wrong regardless of how great you were in bed the night before. Where lingering looks and trying to distract her by reciting the concentric theory of the universe are determinants on the x-axis crossed against the man's micro-second reflex response on the y-axis, thus yielding a percentage of wrongness. Oh, and when she asks, don't ask her to turn around or define "fat" either. But I digress. Reality and truth are like watching Shatner's hairline get lower between the original series and first four movies. Einstein was right. Everything is relative. So again, where are the answers? The simple truths we all seek? TELEVISION. Television has all the answers. It tells me what's cool, what's not. How to dress, what movies to see, how to interrogate an uncooperative suspect, when I'm paying too much for a pasta maker, and never to trust anyone named Stefano. Without it I would never have known there was a global conspiracy to hide the existence of an alien colonization plan. It lets me live vicariously through half-witted Italian struggling actors and their constantly mistaken for, but not, gay roommates across from two neurotic babes in a Village apartment I couldn't possibly afford for a half an hour (plus one hour Superbowl special broadcasts) every week. Hell, television is great. It even tells me when I need a beer. Yes, we have the freak shows on television - the Springer's and Montel's and supposed flip flop mustached journalists. But we should be grateful for them. Their guests remind us how lucky we are to be on the upper rungs of the ladder. And every time my career goals are in doubt, I thank God I'm not standing next to Capone's vault with a stick of dynamite. And you know, if there's every a re-release of the Bible, they're going to have to amend it to include television. The simplest, undeniable truth is television can be a savior to some. Just ask Luke Perry. Or Shannon Doherty. Wait, maybe it's not television. It's Aaron Spelling. Admittedly, television doesn't have all the answers. Those who know me, know I have a sense of direction like the Captain of the Titanic. Or the director of Titanic. Television doesn't offer directions when I'm lost. That's my girlfriend's job. The other constant in the universe.  10/3/99 Last night I was at a housewarming party with about thirty GenXers where the center of attention for the first hour was a NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK hairstyle retrospective. If that's any indication of today's youth, we're headed to hell in a Tommy Hilfiger knapsack. Why? Why? Why? I ask. If you know your kids are out on Sunset Blvd. at 4AM reloading, count yourselves lucky. At least you know where the problem is. Finding the source of most youth's problems today is like deciphering the lyrics to Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Album. Volumes one through three. It used to be so simple. Sex. Violence. Rock & Rock. We knew who and what to blame. We've gone from the simplicity of loud music, free love, sit-ins, smoking pot, wearing bellbottoms and "finding oneself" to disillusioned, out of work and "I can't remember my motivation." Delusions of modeldom (eating disorders). Repressed memories of childhood "pet loss". And chronic Goth rage over missed raves because you were stuck doing a load of darks. And you know I'm not sure whether excessive body piercing is fetish, a sign of rebellion, or merely an expression of a deep rooted subconscious desire to be an astronomer. Okay, it's actually still fairly simple to find the blame. Sex. Violence. Rock & Roll. Historically, sex, violence and poor taste in music have long predated terms such as teenage angst, generation gap, and gang wars. "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife..." "Thou shall not kill..." "Thou shall try to reform Genesis a third time..." It isn't about whether you're fig leaf clashes with your eye shadow. Differences of human preference, and proclivities have always inevitably erupted in conflict no matter where and when you were born. Lay off the fashion disasters. Stop the bashing. Difference is as natural, ingrained and unavoidable as lip syncing the theme to "Friends". Natural, as in, from nature. The quick to judge would easily blame television. Yet it's not fair to say everything we learn comes from television nor we learn everything thing we see on television. Otherwise I'd be able to start and IV with one hand, give up my weekly tai-bo session, and have acquired several secondary languages from endless hours of watching (Klingon, Romulan, even a touch of Vulcan). So who and what is to blame for the state of our youth? EDUCATION. A byproduct of society - not from nature. Nowadays, X and Y have gone from baffling trig constants to representing our future. We've watered down what we teach and forget that we teach by example. The conforming suits and ties and below the knee skirts of teachers do nothing to promote individuality and acceptance in the class. Ray Charles could see through the blind dangers of the open hypocrisy of the Lord's Prayer debate. Let's leave the prayers in the places of worship, the litigation in the courtroom, and take a 360 to see what's in the classroom. You can blame the X and Y's for their attitudes, dropping out and lack of education. But ultimately, it's the Boomers who teach. They're our greatest influence. To the parents and teachers, if you don't have the time to moderate the knowledge, at least mediate it. Y Generation - under 18. 18-34 - Xer. But more basic than that, youth is youth. There are no lines to be drawn. No simple blame. Only simple truths. Fifteen, twenty-six, five years-old. It doesn't matter. They are our future. So let's start giving them some credit. Intellect and self-awareness are not bounded by age. Dawson's Creek taught me that. By all rights, my eight and ten year-old cousins are intuitive geniuses. The last time I babysat I caught them etching numerals into the blank Scrabble tiles so the game would be Y2K compliant. Credit due. Children know. They see. They listen. We can't hide the truth. With television and the Internet, everything imaginable (and then some) is there for them to view. Once you're old enough to double-click, you're old enough to face the facts straight up. Starting with the birds and the bees - It's never too soon to teach your kids the true facts about BESTIALITY. Oh, and give us a little time. We'll find ourselves eventually. Just like you did. copyright Ryan Ayukawa 1999 Ryan can be reached at rayukawa@accessv.com |
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