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PSYCHOTIC RAMBLINGS |
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LINK EM DANO |
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| READ MY TAIL LIGHTS |
| DO YOU EVER GET BORED DRIVING? ISN'T IT GREAT THAT THOUGHTFUL PEOPLE PLACE GOOD READING MATERIAL RIGHT ON THEIR BUMPERS. HERE ARE SOME OF THE BEST |
| A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? BRAKE FOR MOOSE - IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE Cancer cures smoking. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE - EXCEPT FROM A VENDING MACHINE CHEW ON A SOCK CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT COVER ME - I'M CHANGING LANES DARE TO THINK FOR YOURSELF Dear IRS: I would like to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list. DESPERATELY CLINGING TO UTOPIAN ILLUSIONS Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Do not adjust your mind, the fault is with reality. DYSLEXICS OF THE WORLD - UNTIE! EARTH IS FULL - GO HOME Eat beans, not beings. EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE, DIE ANYWAY ESCHEW OBFUSCATION Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. FRIENDS HELP YOU MOVE - REAL FRIENDS HELP YOU MOVE BODIES Geneology: Chasing your own tale. GIVE ME AMBIGUITY OR GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE GONE CRAZY - BE BACK SHORTLY Got kleptomania ? Take something for it. HANG UP AND DRIVE HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS... STILL DIES HE WHO HESITATES IS NOT ONLY LOST - BUT MILES FROM THE NEXT EXIT HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged. HONK IF ANYTHING FALLS OFF Honk if you love peace and quiet. HONK IF YOU'RE ONTOLOGICALLY ALIENATED HORN BROKEN - WATCH FOR FINGER HOW DO I SET A LASER PRINTER TO STUN? I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR CLOTHES DARE to keep cops off donuts. I DO WHATEVER MY RICE KRISPIES TELL ME TO I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. I fought the lawn and the lawn won. I HAVE ANIMAL MAGNETISM - WHEN I GO OUTSIDE, SQUIRRELS ARE ATTRACTED TO ME I HAVE NO INTENTION OF TELLING YOU MY REAL NAME I HAVEN'T LOST MY MIND - IT'S BACKED UP ON DISK SOMEWHERE I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. I never worry when I get lost... I just change where I want to go. I REFUSE TO HAVE A BATTLE OF WITS - WITH AN UNARMED PERSON I THINK - THEREFORE I DON'T LISTEN TO DAN RATHER I THINK WE MET IN A PAST LIFE - AND YOU WERE A DIPSTICK THEN TOO I THINK YOU LEFT THE STOVE ON I USED TO BE DISGUSTED - NOW I'M JUST AMUSED I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges..? IF PROGRESS MEANS TO MOVE FORWARD - WHAT DOES CONGRESS MEAN? IF WE QUIT VOTING - WILL THEY ALL GO AWAY? IF YOU'RE NOT OUTRAGED - YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION ILLITERATE? WRITE FOR HELP I'm pro-Life-jacket, and I boat. I'M THE PERSON YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT IT'S BEEN LOVELY - BUT I HAVE TO SCREAM NOW Keep honking, I'm reloading. LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES - USE BIRTH CONTROL LOBOTOMIES FOR DEMOCRATS? WHY BE REDUNDANT? MINIMUM WAGE FOR POLITICIANS MONTANA - AT LEAST THE COWS ARE SANE MY MOM THINKS I'M AT THE MOVIES MY OTHER CAR HAS BUMPERSTICKERS, TOO My son is getting out for good behavior at Father Baker's Reform School. MY SON ISN'T AN HONOR STUDENT - HE PLAYS HOCKEY NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. OH, GO EVOLVE! On the other hand, you have different fingers. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. POLITICS - FROM THE WORDS "POLY, " MEANING "MANY," AND "TICKS," AS IN "SMALL, BLOOD-SUCKING PARASITES" Save the whales. Collect the whole set. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower. SO MANY FOOLS - SO FEW COMETS SO MANY PEDESTRIANS - SO LITTLE TIME SO WHO PIDDLED ON YOUR POST TOASTIES? SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM STAY TUNED! - I COULD SAY SOMETHING BRILLIANT AT ANY MOMENT! Thank you for NOT being perky. THE FACE IS FAMILIAR - BUT I CAN'T QUITE REMEMBER MY NAME THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE The hell with world peace. Visualize using your bloody turn signal. The more things change, the more they remain insane. THE NEW RIGHT IS FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG The LEFT makes so many RIGHT turns that they keep going in circles. THE TROUBLE WITH YOU IS THAT YOU'RE ALIVE THIS BUMPERSTICKER EXPLOITS ILLITERATES THIS IS IT - I DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CAR THIS ISN'T MY IDEA OF A GOOD TIME THIS WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY - IF IT WEREN'T HAPPENING TO ME THOSE WHO ABANDON THEIR DREAMS WILL DISCOURAGE YOURS Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. UNIQUELY MALADJUSTED - BUT FUN VISUALIZE BEING A COURTEOUS DRIVER Visualize Whirled Peas. WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT LIBERALS- THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN SAID ABOUT HEMORRHOIDS? When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. WHERE ARE WE GOING - AND WHY AM I IN THIS HANDBASKET? WHO ARE THE GRATEFUL DEAD - AND WHY DO THEY KEEP FOLLOWING ME? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. YOU! OUT OF THE GENE POOL! YOUR KID MAY BE AN HONOR STUDENT BUT YOU'RE STILL AN IDIOT YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE - THE VOICES ARE TALKING TO ME MY HONOR STUDENT IS ALSO A BLACKBELT, SO BRING ON YOUR BULLY The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. If you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. Good girls get fat. Bad girls get eaten. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. There's too much blood in my alcohol system. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. WANTED: meaningful overnight relationship. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. All men are idiots ... I married their king. My kid had sex with your honor student. Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later. How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks! If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole. I'm just driving this way to piss you off. Prevent inbreeding: ban country music. I don't have to be dead to donate my organ. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. Montana -At least our cows are sane! Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. God must love stupid people, he made so many. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Warning: Dates on Calendar are closer than they appear. I know what you're thinking, and you should he ashamed of yourself. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.  Automobile Acronyms AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Always Unsafe Designs Implemented BMW Beautiful Mechanical Wonder Big Money Works Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGE Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FIAT Failure in Italian Automotive Technology Fix It All the Time Fix It Again, Tony! FORD First On Recall Day First On Rust and Deterioration Fix Or Repair Daily Found On Road, Dead Fault Of Research & Development Fast Only Rolling Downhill Features O.J. & Ron`s DNA backwards -> Driver Returns On Foot GM General Maintenance GMC Garage Man`s Companion Got A Mechanic Coming? HONDA Had One, Never Did Again Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing`s Drivable And Inexpensive MAZDA Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along OLDSMOBILE Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday. Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment SAAB Send Another Automobile Back Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown. TOYOTA Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto VOLVO Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object VW Virtually Worthless |
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PSYCHOTIC RAMBLINGS |
SLOKKO THE BI POLAR CAT |
LINK EM DANO |
CELEBRITY PUNCHOUT |
WEEKLY MIND PICKER |
ESP game | comment | faq | JOKE CENTER | cards | sign up | SWEEPSTAKES PAGE | trivia | cartoon | ryan | about | Dating Horror Stories |