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PSYCHOTIC RAMBLINGS |
SLOKKO THE BI POLAR CAT |
LINK EM DANO |
CELEBRITY PUNCHOUT |
WEEKLY MIND PICKER |
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| Blonde One Liners |
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| Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast? A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab. Q: How do you give a blonde more headroom? A: Adjust the steering wheel. Q: Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel? A: She was trying to blow the horn. Q: Why does a blonde wear panties? A: To keep her ankles warm. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. Q: How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together! Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They are both fucked when they're on their back. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out? A: If you're not in bed by midnight, come home. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes? A: At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts. Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? A: She peed on her corn flakes. Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him? A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish." Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side. Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra? A: Thanks for the refill. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt." Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde. Q: Why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses? A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum) Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A: She opens the car door. Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her nail-file! A2: Who cares? A3: She says, "Next". A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilized. Q: How do you drown a blond? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Don't tell her to swallow. A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. Q: How did the blonde finally pass her driving test? A: She took the examiner with her. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory? A: She kept on throwing away all the W's. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A: About 2 cans of hair spray. Q: What's black, blue, red and brown and lies in a gutter? A: A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes. Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? A: To see what's on the other side. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Did you hear about the blonde who was sniffing nutrasweet? She thought it was diet coke. What do you call a blonde in the snow? A snow flake. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown? Artificially intelligent. How can you tell when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? The M & M shells all over the floor. How many blondes does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies? 100 ... 1 to stir ... and 99 to peel the M & M's. What do you call a brunette between two blondes? An interpreter. What's the difference between a smart blonde and the abominable snowman? There have been sightings of the snowman. How do you know when a blonde has been using her computer? There is Liquid Paper on the monitor. Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence? So she could see what was on the other side. How does a man get a blonde to marry him? Tell her she's pregnant. What do you call eight blondes in a row? A wind tunnel. Why was the blonde so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in only two months? The box said three to ten years. Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't find eleven on the phone dial. What does a blonde say when she finds out she is pregnant? "Boy, I hope it's mine!" What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted. Why don't you let blondes take coffee breaks? Because it takes too long to retrain them. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night. What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in Spring training. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong. Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their picture. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday. |
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PSYCHOTIC RAMBLINGS |
SLOKKO THE BI POLAR CAT |
LINK EM DANO |
CELEBRITY PUNCHOUT |
WEEKLY MIND PICKER |
ESP game | comment | faq | JOKE CENTER | cards | sign up | SWEEPSTAKES PAGE | trivia | cartoon | ryan | about | Dating Horror Stories |