Old Game Comments - From Mid August to Beginning of October - Books

Goyle: (Muffled) Ump, Ump! Help! I have fallen out of a window and I can't get up! And now, I got this gross sock taste in my mouth! Crabbe, get your lazy bootie down here and help me! Er... I am gonna get that Wealsey!

Peeves: CRABBE, HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT THE BARON! (drops five stink bombs on Crabbe) FOR THAT I WILL TORTURE YOU FIRST!

Crabbe: (with arms protecting his head)Coming! (Pushes George down while exiting)

Fred: (On his broom stick) Let me help you, Crabbe. (Knock him out the window by running into his back with the broom) I'm going to get the team. See you all down at the pitch! (leaves)

Ginny: (gives a very inappropriate symbol to Snape behind her back and turns to Fleur) What is it?! Are you okay?

Parvati: Hey everyone!!! Guess what professor Trelawney just saw in her crystal ball? She saw Harry being attacked by you know who!!! Harry you better be careful.

Harry: (rolls eyes at Parvati) Prof. Snape, I would love to go with you to your office, but I've got Quidditch practice, and Ron too. (Grabs wood by the arm, drags him over to Snape) Tell him Woody old boy.

Pansy: (steps in) Who's Tulula? And what does she have to do with Quidditch?

George: (clamps a hand over the mouth of the very red Wood) Tulula is his broom, you dolt. Proffessor, all of us have Quidditch. Ride Telula, Wood! Ride like the wind! To the pitch! (leaves, dragging Wood with him)

Quirrel: (starts running after George and Wood) Wait!I have something to talk to all of you about. (grins) Into my office please.

On the pitch...

Oliver Wood: (marches up and down the Gryffindor team who've assembled in a line, brooms all in bazooka-position and standing to attention) NOW THEN, you all know why you're here. It's our final training session before the match against those slimey Slytherins tomorrow! This is it! The big one! The one we've all been waiting for! (starts quivering with excitement) We'll crush those greaseballs if it's the last thing we -
(suddenly cuts himself off and stares in disbelief past his team. They turn and, with fury, realise that the Slytherin team are marching onto the pitch in their Quidditch robes and with their brooms.) What the...? GERROURROVIT! I BOOKED THE PITCH!

Draco: Well, well, well, going to practice Quidditch, are you Wood? Don't even waste your time because my team will beat you at least by a good 200 points. You can forget the cup.

Snape: Mount your broomsticks!

Fred: (hits a bludger at the team) Mount this!

Oliver Wood: Fred! Behave! I don't want any penalty shots given to those slimey Slytherins, them! (turns to Draco with a leer) Oh, so you'll beat us by a good 200 points, eh? Potter could catch the Snitch before you whilst blindfolded on half a Shooting Star, you slimey Slytherin, you! You wouldn't be able to catch it if it painted itself purple and danced the Macarena naked on the end of your nose! Come, Tulula! (sweeps dramatically away from Draco, who isn't quite sure what the Macarena actually is).

Fred: (singing while swaying his hips)Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Macarena! Go George, go!

George: (dancing the Macarena) Can YOU see me?! No, wait... I'm not purple and I'm pretty sure I'm not naked...

Fred: Purple and naked, my brother? I don't think we should do that. Might excite Malfoy. Poor child. He could embarrass himself...

Filch: HAGRID! How DARE you talk about my beloved Mrs. Norris! I shall speak to the headmaster. As for you, Fred, you won't get out of this very easily.

Sirius Black: (appears out of nowhere on to the field and Snape screams) Harry, where are you? (Blushes) Ibetter get my apparating licence again. My apparating IS getting rusty.
Ohwell, see ya later. Continue on with the great Quidditch game! (Disappears again)

Ginny: (walks to the Quidditch pitch and sees the Slytherins) You got a problem? (grins) I'd be happy to help...Professor Flitwick taught me quite an interesting charm... (with her wand behind her back)

Oliver Wood: Now, Ginny, don't want to - er - get over-excited, you know. I mean, it's only Quidditch, you> understand... (suddenly shakes head, bewildered) What am I saying??? GET THOSE SLIMEY SLYTHERINS, THEM, GINNY! GET 'EM WITH ALL YOU'VE GOT! WHOOO
HOO!

Crabbe: (Coming onto the field with grass in his hair from landing in the bushes, followed by Goyle) Hey you! Weasley! I am gonna get you if it is the last thing I do! And why are you dancing the Macarena? Am I missing something here? And don't say it's half a brain! I just saw my personal doctor just days ago, he said I indeed had my full brain! I am just a slow learner!

Goyle: Yeah, I can vouch for that! Well, anyway, now I will have to see my dentist just cause you pushed me out of the window, into the bushes, and the bush gruff got into my mouth and it could mean somethin' a bit bad!!!! Yeah, and my stupid mum is making me see a muggle dentist, yes, HERMIONE'S BLOODY MUM and DAD! You will pay Weasley, yes, you will pay! And so will your termite-bitten, wood-eaten thing you call your precious Topeka or whatever it's stupid name is Wood! How mauch did you pay for it? 2 knuts?

Fred: Actually, we got both brooms for 1 Knut? Bargain!

George: For future reference, Wood's broom is Tulula. Fred's is Veronica, and mine is Marilyn. Try very hard to remember that.

Fred: Goodness, I believe they've forgotten it already. Faster than I can say "Bob's your uncle." Pitiful.

Angelina:(walks over to Ginny) Really Ginny? I would like to see this very interesting charm.

Pansy: (runs towards Ginny) Lay a single spell on Draco and I swear I'll make the term "flaming red hair" very literal! (begins taking deep calming breaths)

Sirius: (Comes flying in the air on a broomstick and says to Malfoy) Is that Snape down there looking after his Quidditch Game? Well, I guess I should lay off him for what I did sooo long ago. Well, Draco, Harry says you are being a pain. Is this right? Well, I have the mind to something terrible to you! BUT Snape, I see, has his wand. Um, yeah. I better go grab Ginny and give her a ride so she doesn't do anything bad. Bye Draco. (Flies down and holds Ginny by her Robe hood) Don't do anything foolish with that wand!

Harry: (Looks to where Sirius was standing) Sirius where'd ya go? Oh, blast it all. I'll find him later. (Turns to Fred and George) You know, guys, you should enter a dance contest. I'm sure you'd win the best purple and naked award. Hey, Wood, would you let the snitch in the general area of Malfoy, so that if gets near him I can "accidently" smack him with my broom?

Ron: Okay, George, if you dance naked I am leaving this pitch right now. (shudders) Ugh, I've got to get rid of THAT mental picture...(turns to Ginny) Did you mention Fleur? She looks really beautiful today...(blushes hotly, which clashes with his hair badly) I mean...

Draco: Oh, how very entertaining...Can you tap too, Weasley? Or is it just jazz? Please, step aside for the real Quidditch players. Or should I say, dance aside...

McGonagall: (comes running down to the pitch from the castle) What´s going on here?Severus, it is my belief that the Gryffindor team booked the pitch. Please tell these...STUDENTS to leave immediately! (whispers so that only Snape can hear it) You don´t believe the headmaster would tolerate this, do you? (to the team) Hang on, guys, I´ll fix that up for you. You gonna beat them tomorrow!

Lockhart: (flying on a pink broomstick, wearing scarlet Quidditch Robes) Looooook at me! I´m supporting Potter and the Gryffindors! That´s publicity! Me, who was famous for his Lockhart Faints in his youth! (tries to land, but unfortunately in the mud) That was a Wronski Landing, see? A pity young Krum didn´t do that, it would have made him even more famous.

McGonagall: To be honest, I´m irritated, Gilderoy. (loses her temper) Is there no teacher in this darn school who knows how to behave?

Fred: I don't know of any, Professor, except you. You're perfetly lovely. I think you are a very forgiving witch. Did anyone ever tell you how gorgeous you look in sunlight?

Pansy: Wow Weasly! I didn't think you were smart enough to know how to kiss up! Or are you actually sharing your feelings about McGonagall with the rest of us? (looks at Lockhart on his pink broomstick) That's really sickening...

Angelina: (gives Fred a kiss on the cheek) I don't think anybody has told her that, but I'll tell you. Up for a drink at the Three Broomsticks?

Fred: No need to tell me how stunning I look in the sunlight, Angelina! I already know I'm a very dashing rouge! Or not... Drinks, you say? Ummm (clears throght) How about when the whole of Gryffindor toasts tommorrow's victory! Party in Hogmeade! Whoooooo!

Harry: (Looks at George if he's lost his bloomin' mind then turns to Ron) OY, Ron why's
you're face so red. Anyway, Wood are we gonna start practice soon. I've got enough
potions homework from Snape to keep me busy until Christmas 2015. Plus I've got to go
to Hogsmeade and get some more parchment and quills.

Golye: I don't care what their stupid names are!! You are all a bunch of wierd wackos, who dance naked, and name your brooms Mira, Vicki, and Topeka! Or whatever their
idiotic names are!

Crabbe: Yeah you tell em' Golye!

Wood: (turns to Goyle and speaks in a very strange, calm voice) Termite-bitten? Wood-eaten? My dear Goyle, you are most fortunate that there aren't any windows around here, but... (shoves Tulula between Goyle's knees [ahem]) I'VE STILL GOT A THING OR TWO UP MY SLEEVE, YOU SLIMEY SLYTHERIN, YOU. UP, TULULA! (Tulula obediantly soars into the
air with a petrified Goyle on board, and then proceeds to play piggy-in-the-middle with fellow brooms Veronica and Marilyn, Goyle being a very effective ball.)

Percy: (throwing out chest with Head Boy badge on it) Hey, you Slytherins! Wood booked the pitch so I kindly ask you to GO AWAY! Now, don't any of you make any mischief. I'm watching! As you know I AM Head Boy.

Cho: (walks to the Quidditch pitch) Hi everyone! Don't worry, I'm not spying... just...er...(walks to Ron and pulls him aside) Can I talk to you?

Ginny: (sees Cho and clears her throat) So...Harry...When do you want to go to Hogsmeade? Halloween? I think we'll have a wonderful time together.

Fleur: (turns to Ron and smiles sweetly) Did you just say that I looked beautiful today? (giggles & blushes)

George: (getting angry with all the lovey crap) STOP THE LOVE. AND IF YOU MUST, LET THE REST OF US KEEP OUR LUNCHES! MERCY, GOOD PEOPLE.

Black: (flies very fast down and jumps off his broom. He lands on the ground. Everyone except Harry is very startled) You DO look nice, Lockhart. Well, I finally have mastered that Wronski Feint thingy. Oh, hi Minerva. Long time no see. Lockhart, how is that new book coming? Harry Potter and Compete Truth? Or was it The Complete Truth About Harry Potter? Or was it another bloody book about yourself? I think after the school year has finished, Harry can live with me, Minerva. Hope Dumbledore won't mind...Could you tell him? I will not tell anyone where we will be. Fancy a holiday, Harry? (whispers to Harry) How about a wizarding town somewhere in Australia? There is a great town inside that Uluru thingy. We'll see that Muggle game called The Ollimpiks? We can decide later.) Hope Gryfinndor wins tomorrow. Bye. (Hops on to his Firebolt and flies up into the clouds and disappears)

Fred: Was that Black, the murderer? We could have been killed! And he wants Harry to live with him? Harry, I'm going to get Dad to give you a personal securtiy detail. I will not let you die!

Flitwick: Professor McGonagall, have you seen Mr. Ronald Weasley? I need to speak to him about charms class.

Fleur: I just saw the most horrible thing happen! I was with Professor Trelawny while she was crystal gazing, and she said, "Oh, no! Harry is going to be attacked at the Quidditch pitch!" I was going to ask what else happened, but she had fainted! We need to help her!

George: We are going to end this right now! NO ONE will practice! We'll finish this at the game!

Before the game the next day...

Fleur: (Turns to Harry) I'm sure you'll beat the Slytherins...you have to! They can't win! (gives Harry a quick kiss on the cheek for good luck)

Angelina: (Sitting at the Gryffindor table before the match) Hey Ginny! Do you still like that Muggle music stuff? I found a couple of new CD's I think you might like. I like that stuff too. If there's one thing that Muggles are good at, it's music.

Alicia: Hey guys! Whzzup? The Quiddich game is gonna be SENSATIONAL! I- Hey... Fleur... Harry's my boy...

Ron: (looks nervous) Ahem, well, Professor Flitwick, I can't imagine why you'd need to talk to me...besides, you said that test didn't count for much, didn't you? (to Cho) Sure, I'll talk with you...what's up? Hang on one second, though...(muttering) this'd better be good. (walks back to Fleur) Yes, Fleur, I think you look...stunning today. Absolutely gorgeous. Can you wait here? I'll be back in a minute, I have to go talk to Cho...(looks very torn) I swear, I'll be right back...

Cho: (Walks to Ron and whispers in his ear) Ron...(nervously) Don't tell Harry...but I've taken a liking to...to you. (blushes) I...I'd better get going...(Runs off quickly)

Goyle: (Shouting at the top of his lungs) Get me down from here! Help! Down Tulula! Heel! Helpppppppppppppppp!!!!!!

Crabbe: I am coming buddy! Hang on! (Tries to climb up the wall on furniture, but fails 89 times too many) Sorry Goyle...

Harry: YES! I can leave the @$^# Dursley's! Ron, did you hear that, you meremaid singing fool? Ron? Where did that boy go to? Oh, well I'm going to Australia. Sirius, can we go see the Muggles play soccer at the Olympics? Ginny, I'll go anytime to Hogsmeade. YEEHAAAA! (Later when Fleur kisses him) Whoa! what was that for?

Draco: (with a sneer on his face) Oh Wood, Wood, Wood. I'm so sorry. I know you wanted to win, but...well...just try not to cry too much when we beat you. How much practice did you even get in yesterday? I mean between dancing, being called down by teachers, talking to escaped convicts... did I mention dancing yet?

Pansy: (Turns to Draco in imitation of Fleur) I'm sure you'll beat the Gryffindors...you have to! Oh please... Anyway, good luck. (gives Draco a longer kiss on the cheek)

Wood: (the Gryffindor team are yet again standing in a line formation, brooms in the usual bazooka-position) All right, you lot. This is it! The big one! The one we've all been- (suddenly stops, spotting Fred and George rolling their eyes) Yes, well... You know the drill! We'll clobber those slimey Slytherins, them, right into the
ground! We'll make 'em regret they ever interrupted our training session! We'll smish 'em! We'll smash 'em! We'll bring on everything we've got! ARE - YOU - READY?

Madame Hooch: (Enters onto the field) Okay gang! You have my permission to slobber those slimy Slytherins! Good day and good luck! (In a perky voice)

Fleur: Has anyone seen Ron? He told me he'd be right back? I hope he hasn't gotten into very much trouble with Flitwick...

George: I think he went to relieve himself...Cho said something to him and he just ran off...Kinda red. I think we need to lecture him on not holding it for too long. His teeth might start floating...

Professor Lupin: Go Gryffindor! (in a cheered voice) You have permission to kick their slimy little butts. Harry, wait till you have 70 points til you get the snitch then they won't pick on you guys or anyone anymore.

Fred: (moving fingers like he's trying to add something) Slytherins not picking on anyone? Excuse me professor, but...ARE YOU NUTS? (walks away)

Angelina: (takes Alicia aside) Um...Alicia? Did you say that YOU liked Harry? Well...oh nevermind! We're going to have a great game! We're going to beat those Slytherins in to the ground! Bomp, bomp, bomp, and another one bites the dust! Whooooo hoooooooo!

Fleur: Sorry Harry! I guess I just got caught up in all of the excitment! (moves closer and whispers-I'll meet you at the Three Broomsticks after the game so we can talk, ok?) (turns around and says to everyone) Well, good luck Gryffindor! I hope you win!

Hagrid: FILCH!!(running in angrily carrying an angry Mrs. Norris by her tail) KEEP YER STINKIN' CAT OUTTA ME GARDEN!! I WARNED YEH!! NEXT TIME I FIND THIS CAT IN ME GARDEN I'M GONNA-

Percy: Hagrid, you should learn to control your temper (ducks as Mrs. Norris is being swung around) Eek!

Filch: (growling) Come my sweet, let's go watch the Slytherins get clobbered. (strokes Mrs. Norris). Perhaps a student will fall and injure themselves...(laughs evily to himself)

Goyle: (Swoops on to the ground) Aw finally, I am down! Hey Wood, take this git! (Punches him in the eye and starts a fight) You idiot! Try and outsmart me! Never! (Crabbe joins in)

George: (raises and eyebrow) Geez...We should have known never to try to trick Goyle... (sternly) Boys, what have we told you about fighting? I think you need to be taught a lesson. Fred, will you do the honors?

Fred: Certainly. (takes out his wand) Boxi! (Crabbe and Goyle are replaced by a box. The box moves as noises that sound amazingly like Crabbe and Goyle's voices echo from it)

George: I think we'll ship them first class. Expensive, but they'll get there overnight. (points his wand at the box. A large Federal Express sticker appears on the box) Ship it, Fred!

Fred: Postallassi! (box disappears) Yet again, Fredrick Weasley does a spectacualar job! (bows) That package should be on a postal truck somewhere in Argintina...Pity. Let the game begin!

The game starts.

Oliver Wood: (Stops a Slytherin goal and lobs the Quaffle to Angelina Johnson, who catches it.) COME ON, CHASERS! GIVE 'EM A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY!

September 23
Angelina: (stares at the quaffle in her hands) I got it? I got it! This one's for Harry! (she shoots...she scores)

Wood: SCOOOOORE!!!

Harry: (Takes off and starts searching for snitch) Gotta find the snitch. Gotta find the snitch. Gotta find the... wait a minute. I'm talking to myself. I must look like a prat up here. Oh, bother, stop it you git! DANG IT! I'M STILL TALKING TO MYSELF!!! Harry stop yelling at me! OH, NUTS...

Wood: COME ON, GRYFFINDOR!

Crabbe: (Swooops down) And you thought we were gone! Well, never will we surrender! Never! Take this Potter! (Almost kicks him all the way off his broom)

Goyle: (Swoops down) Hiy Ya! Karate chop EEERRRR! Juno Chop EEERRRR! Take this! Hiyyyyyy YYAAHHH!

Fred: (hits both Crabbe and Goyle on the head) Were they born stupid, or did they have to take lessons? Will some one get them off the field and into the hospital wing?

George: Hooch, I believe that was a deliberate attempt by the Slytherins to injur our seeker...I think a free shot is the least we deserve, eh?

Wood: YEEEAAAAH!

Padma: (In the crowd) Gryffindor for the cup!!!(to her twin) I do believe that the crowd today is completely mad...

Fleur: (yelling at the top of her lungs) RON! Where are you? Get down here or you'll miss the game!

Ginny: (walks onto the field looking different...no, more than different...she looks
like Cho!...Hermione really shouldn't have left the instructions for that Polyjuice Potion lying on her bed...) Hey guys! How's it goin? (blows a kiss to Harry in the sky) Good luck Gryffindors!

Cho: (Steps into the stands and glances around nervously, hoping nobody besides Ron heard her) G-go Gryffindor! Kill those...stupid Slytherins! YEAH! (hoping to avoid Harry, she doesn't see her look alike.)

Pansy: (jumping up and down) Gimme an S! Gimme an L! Gimme a Y! Gimme a...uh...THERIN! What does that spell?! Slytherin with a pause in it! Wooooooooo!

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