The Game - Ba ba da da pa pop ba bob baaaaa baaaaaaaaaaaaa (Imaginary trumpet fanfare...) - Books

Crabbe: (Enters running almost out of breath) Her...Her... Hermio...(pant,pant) Hermione, I have something i hafta tell you! I have a confession to make. When ol' Goyle and I set up the plan with the Potter scum,I mean Harry, I just wanted Draco to get a date with you so you and I could hang out at the dance. Hermione, I have waited to long to do this. Hermione, I would like to profess my love you. I love you. Go to the dance with me. I know I am not the most hansome dude around, and my oder isn't always Cucumber-Melon, but does that really matter when love is involved?

Goyle: (Sniff, sniff) I'm gettin' all weepy! Can somebody hand me a kleenex please? George, I beg not for you to take pictures. I am a human too... boooo...hoooo

Crabbe: And I know I said I was going with Britney Spears, but they only like Goyle, not me. Plus you have so much more class than Jennifer and Britney, I think. So Hermione, what will it be?

Cedric: Um, Cho listen to me. I thought you were going to go with Ron so I asked Fleur. I'm really sorry. Really.

Harry: Oy, Ron, did you see where Ginnny went? I need to uh... ask her something. It's kinda well personal...

Charlie: Sure, Angel, my darling! I would be honored to take you to dance! Uh,Rosmerta, ma'am, no offense you are really cool, but you are really frightening me now... Oy Harry! I think I saw Gin go over to the corner!

Crabbe: You know Hermione, it's OK if you don't want to come with me. But I think you're the most prettiest, smartest, gorgeous gal around, especially for a mugg- I mean non-witch blooded person. I don't even care if you're a non-witch blooded person. I like you for who you are. Hermione, I think I am in love with you.

Goyle: (Bawling) BOOO...HO-HO-HO-HO...Will someone PLEASE hand me a hanky? I think I am gonna cry my liver, kidneys, and heart out. Why can't I love a gal? Angelina? Where are you my darling? I wanna...l-l-l-lick you from your head to your toes...

Fred: Goyle, I know how you feel, but keep your tounge in your mouth. Angelina is my brother's date, not your lollipop. But I think Pansy needs someone to love...

Pansy: (staring at Crabbe with jaw dropped to the floor) Eeeew! This is sickening! Just plain wrong! Hermione, I actually pity you. Just this once, though, don't expect pity from me every time a dilemma comes your way. Ho hum! I'm still sitting here, alone, waiting for someone to ask me to the dance. I don't have anyone in mind though... hint hint! (cough that sounds like "Malfoy"). Who will ask me, I wonder...

George: (to Goyle)They are best when they are vunerable...Go get 'er tiger!

Fred: (to George)He's going to be shot down. (They stand in silent salute.)

Goyle: That's one good point Fred. Angelina's not my lollipop, but Pansy can be! Oh Pansy... will you go to the d-d-d-dance wit' me?

Crabbe: Good luck Golye!

Ginny: (a raspy moan escapes from her throat) please don't let them come over
here...please don't let them take my hood off...

Angelina: (talking to Hermione) Some guys at this school act like total jerks, (looks at Goyle) but some are so sweet. (looks at Harry)

Oliver Wood: (walks in and clears his throat) Ahem HEM. Just thought I'd let you lot know that I'm providing the music for the dance. I'll... be SURE to put all your favourites on. Muahahaha... (walks out again, rubbing his hands in mock-evilness).

Cedric: Cho, I like you, maybe love you. I'm sorry for what I said but, you know, we grew apart, what with me leaving school next year. Listen Ron and Harry, one of you has got to know, sorry if I upset you, Cho likes Ron. Sorry Harry! Listen to me waffle on like this, I'm growing sentimental! Hey Cho, if your not going with Ron or Harry, sorry you guys, do you want to go with me? Bye all, I'm late for Potions, not on purpose, of course.

Fleur: Okay, now I'm confused...Harry, you're going with me, right? And I'm sorry Cedric, but before you asked me, I asked Harry...

Cedric: So Cho, are we going steady again? If we are, will you go to the ball with me? (expects a slap) I'm sorry Ron. I'm sorry Harry. Anyway Har, you get to go with Fleur. I gotta go.

Padma: Ooooooh, kissy kissy! Honestly, Ced, you make me SICK!

Angelina: Thanks Charlie. (she gives Charlie a big hug) Oh no! I have to go get my hair done and do my nails and get my dress pressed and...(she walks out of the Great Hall counting her tasks on her fingers) get my teeth whitened and...

Ginny: Ok, I'm confused. I think I'll go with some random person, okay? Hey Fred! Wazzzzuuuuuup?

Fred: (Puts arm around Ginny) Ginny, you flatter me. I've always known I was a dashing lad, but handsome enough to get my own sister? Gin, I know you love me, but we can't do things like that...it is called incest. I am your brother. Crabbe looks like he needs a date...But look, here comes Harry. See what he has to say...

Harry: (Looks at Fleur and stammers) Uh, can i get back to you on that in a few days Fleur? I have to go check on something first ( alks over to where Ginny is sitting) Hey, Ginny, I know this is kind of weird, but will you ...um... go to the dance with me? You don't have to if you don't want to though...

Hermione: Fleur, I'm confused, too. Harry's going to ask Ginny - isn't he? I thought he left to find her already. And Cedric, boy, you'd better get to Potions - Snape will skin you if you're late. Unless you're a Slytherin, of course...(wrinkles nose in disgust) Then you only get a warning. Oh, and by the way, Crabbe-I would NEVER go to a dance with you. EVER. You are a vile, disgusting, creepily ugly excuse for a Hogwarts student-need I
go on? Thanks for the compliments, though-I'll be sure to remember them the next time Draco's around. I'm sure he'll appreciate the fact that one of his closest-dare I say 'friends'?-has a thing for a Mudblood...(grins evilly)

Ron: Well spoken, Hermione. And Cedric, before you go - I already knew Cho liked me. I've told her that I like her, too - as a friend. And as long as Harry likes her, I'm not going to get involved as more than a friend. Harry trusts me, and I trust him. I'm not going to let him down. (sits down, a relieved look on his face) Oh, and Hermione-did you say Harry was asking Ginny? As in Ginny Weasley? My little sister? You must be confused-Harry doesn't-he couldn't-like Ginny!

Hermione: (dryly) I assure you, Ron, he can. He's looking for her now, I'm sure. I don't see her anywhere - maybe she's up in the dorms. I'll go check.
Charlie: (Grabs Ron's collar as he tries to walk over to Hayy and Ginny) Hold up little bro! Let them be alone for a while, by the way we need to have a serious talk Ron...

Pansy: GO TO THE DANCE WITH YOU?! Never! I would rather lose my bladder control in front of a semi-large crowd, thank you very much. Goyle, if I were your "lollipop", I would make sure you choked on me till you hurl your lunch! Humph! NOW WHERE IS MALFOY?!

Lupin: (Preparing for the dance, he flicks his wand and makes streamers appear on a wall. They suddenly transform into slime and dribble down the side) Dear, oh dear... I told them no Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher could decorate ... (there is a sudden loud noise at the other end of the hall) PEEVES! Don't make me chew gum, chum...

Dumbledore: (Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall are walking down a corridor towards the Great Hall) Isn't this so exciting, Minerva? The first years are all giddy with joy about attending their first dance at Hogwarts. Has Hagrid arrived with the decorations for the Great Hall yet?

Bill: (Bill, just arriving from Egypt, walks through the corridors of the school in search of his brother Charlie.) Oy! Charlie my man, long time no see. How's the rest of the family? Heard from Mum and Dad lately?

George: My family is going nuts! Two of my brothers just pop out of no where, my sister wants to date my twin, and my younger brother has suddenly become overprotective! What's next? Are my parents spies or am I pregnant with McGonagall's baby but I just don't know it?

Crabbe: Oh! Fleur! (Takes a couple baby steps closer to her) I have always been attracted to um...the French women...(talking with a French accent) Now sit that lil' cute-o so- delicate derriere' down and let's have a talk about us...Now, the way I see it, we are both dateless...why don't we just go crazy and have a fling? My mother was half French, you know...we are bonding...this is nice....

Goyle: But I said I had dibbs on the French-talking girl!

Crabbe: (Looks at Goyle with an I-AM-READY-TO-SHOOT-YOUR-BRAINS-OUT-LOOK) Shut up Crabbe, you're worthless!

March 10
Ginny: (suddenly feeling better) Why Harry...(bats her eyelashes) I'm so flattered, I'd love to go to the dance with you! (giggles flirtatiously, kisses his cheek, then runs from the hall to her dorm to find something to wear)

Fred: Geez, dumped again...But I have a plan. After I show off my spectacular dance moves with George, I'll have lots of fun...

Fleur: HARRY! I can't believe you! I asked you several days ago and you said yes! You make me SICK! I'm not going to go with anyone now!

Madam Rosemerta: By golly, Crabbe, do you know how badly you speak with a French accent?

Draco: Crabbe, what's this I hear about you asking a Mudblood to the dance? How low can you stoop?

Cedric: So Cho, we are going out again, then! Wahoo, I'm holding a party this Friday to celebrate my 18th. You may ask why i still haven't left school-I am never going to!Anyway, you are all invited, even Slytherins. The booze is free and so is the food. Starts at 8, ends real late. Gotta go to Divination. Oh yeah, Herms, thanks alot for the advice for Potions-I got a detention for a week!

Cho: NO! We aren't going out again! I am sooo finished with you, Cedric. Yo George, wanna go to the dance with me? I could wear that lucious chocolate lipstick you loved so much...Crieky! Did I say that out loud?

George: (has a blank look on his face and speaks slowly in monotones) I'm sorry Cho, but I don't remember that...(rocks back and forth) Mr. Waggles was my hamster, but he escaped...So sad...Ya know what's weird? Cats! Oh, here kittykittykitty cat...

Fred: Alright, George, lets go work on our groovy moves...(pulls on George while discoing)

Angelina: (watching "Interview With the Vampire" for ideas on desses with Ginny next to her with curlers in her hair) Ginny, doesn't that one look nice? It shows off the shoulders and it's blue. That would compliment my eyes perfectly! I mean, it would be really easy to zap one out of nowhere, but it has to be just right. I think it might clash with your brother's hair though. Nothing against him, I think he's great! (sighs) Maybe if it's gold, then it would do my eyes justice and match Charlie's hair.

AT THE DANCE

Oliver Wood: (standing at the door to the Great Hall after being made a bouncer instead of the DJ. He is not pleased and is muttering darkly to himself) Whass wrong with my music?! "Not to one's taste" my freakin'a- AH! Evening Professor Lupin! Didn't see you lurking in the shadows there! I wasn't going to swear at all!

Professor Lupin:( smiling slightly) I am sure...Ah well, the inside's all decorated as best as... er... well, the inside's been decorated. All we need now are the dancers, as it were. Were you not to be in charge of the music?

Oliver Wood:(scowling) My stuff's not to their taste they said. Pah! Anyway, Lee's doing it instead...'Ere aren't you decorating outside as well? Like flowers around the fountains and mattresses behind the bushes?

Professor Lupin: (looking slightly worried) Er no, I don't think I will be going outside tonight... I... er... have a cold, yes, and it's freezing. I'll just stay inside here and, ah, keep away from the full moo- the cold weather, yes. Ah look, here come some kids now...

Pansy: (entering the Great Hall, looks at Lupin) Full moo? Did I miss something? Never mind... Oh hello Wood. Have you seen Draco anywhere? Not that I'm looking for him... Not that I wore my beautiful blue dress for him... Oh look! Isn't that...uh...bye! (runs off before bursting into humiliated tears)

Ginny: (Wearing a deep purple sleeveless dress that complements her red hair. Angelina made it illegaly using magic, but no one would have to know) Harry, it's such a lovely night, how about a walk?

Fleur: (walks slowly into the Great Hall with her head down, obviously dateless) Hello Oliver, Professor...this dance is going to be sooo fun...(she says, with sarcasm in her voice) (suddenly furious) OH! I hate Harry! He's such a jerk!!! Oliver, can you believe what he did to me?! (starts crying)

Cho: (Glances around and sighs, feeling alone, but not wanting to be with Cedric)
hmmm...I wonder if there's any way I can cause corruption...

Cedic: So now that Cho's not dating me, I'm single! Yay. Hey Hermione, wanna dance? Who's coming to my party, my 18th. 8 til late. Anyway George, we're married. Want to go on a honeymoon? Hey Cho, can I talk to you for a minute? I want to know where it went wrong. It's because you like Ron, isn't it? Well done mate, well done. Gotta go. Got to talk to Madam Rosmerta about the party. Everyone's welcome.

Crabbe: (With the dork of the fourth year class. Her name is Loosha.) So...Loosha! I am really happy you picked me to go to the dance with over your uh....brother. I am flattered, really... Wanna dance? (Starts dancing the polka because it's the only dance Loosha knows)

Goyle: (walks into the room with Britney Spears on one arm and J Lo on the other) Yo my homies! Sup dawg! George, who's got the hot dates now? Crabbe, sorry you had to go with ...um... Loser- I mean Loosha... if you wanna borrow Brit or J Lo, I can lend em' out for a dance... ( In an evilish laugh... "HAHAHAHA... Loosha! HAHAHA!" Starts dancing with J Lo while Britney spikes the punch.)

Fred: I think something's wrong with Goyle's dating situation. (points his wand and mumblessomething. Britney and Jenifer turn into Slytherins, one male, one female.) Nice piece of magic, there. Just not nice enough. You see, Miss Lopez famed rear end was just a little to small. George, I believe it is time...

George: Ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts, my twin and I have arranged a treat for tonight. And prove to our peers that we do have the moves...Lee, our music, please.

(The intro to the song comes on, and the twins rip of their clothes, revealing tuxedos with a diamond pattern on them, Fred's in blue and George's in orange. The words to the music come on, and the song is recognised as that "Shake Your Cool Thing" song. The twins start shaking their hips, and do disco moves as the lyrics Let's show the world we can daaaaance appears above them.)

April 9
Ron: (shaking his head in absolute mortification at the twin's performance) Sometimes I wonder how I can be related to them...but Ginny's not bad. I wonder where she got that dress, though? It's really nice...(at murderous look from Hermione, who happens to be his DATE and should be getting some compliments too, he continues hastily) You look really nice too, Hermione! Just wonderful! Ah, well, maybe Fred and George slipped her some money like they did for me to get new robes...good thing, too, I wouldn't show up
dead in those other frayed ones.

Hermione: I thought your old robes were nice...(Ron blushes horribly) but you really should learn to take more care with your charms. (Ron puffs up, indignant. Hermione continues quickly) Oh, let's not fight about it, Ron, it's the dance. Anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter, your new robes are nice too.

Ron: Do you think Harry's dancing a little close with Ginny? (yells) Oi, Harry, keep your paws off my sister! That's wrong, that is! (shakes head again) And I thought they were just friends. Hhruumpph.

Krum: (after most terrfiyingly long absence, ambles in to the sight of the twins' dancing, and mutters to himself) Venever I show up, sumthing odd ees alvays going on (he frowns and shakes his head) Vhat ees thees?(spots Ron and Hermione) No but it cannot be, Hermoninny loves another? (his hunched shoulders drop farther, he sidles up to the drink counter and slumps over)Your strongest drink please. Thank you( downs the forthing liquid in one gulp) Another!(downs this as easily) Oh I don't see vhy not...five more!(gulps the drinks down in succession and belches loudly and passes out)

Oliver Wood: (pats Fleur awkwardly on the head) Erm... there there, Fleur. I'm sure Harry didn't mean to... er... do whatever her did to you. Why don't you... er...Oh look, I like this song. Would you like to dance?...Aaaah that's about all I can manage for now. I'm pooped after work experience. I was a teacher at me old primary school all week and hell
are little kids hard to control. Especially when they are attempting paper mache...

Crabbe: HAHAHAHAHA! Goyle, my man, you must be the most pathetic loser in the world right now! I can't believe you! Loosha, let's dance!

Goyle: (Sobbing) Fred...boo, hoo...why did you have to ruin that for...m-me? Ahhhh...my life is a trauma! Boo! Oh Well! Fluer, wanna feel my derriere? You know, back home, they called me the dancing fen ofthe night...ahhhhh...FREAK OUT! (starts dancing the Hokey Pokie while rubbing his...derriere against Fleur's)

Fred: Thank you, ladies and gents! (corny, happy voice) I'm sure we've shown the world that WE CAN DANCE!

George: We will be mingling in the crowd for the rest of the night. We do sign autographs. GOOD NIGHT HOGWARTS.

Padma:(Sticking her fingers in her ears and shouting to her twin)Hey, Pav! C'mere!(Parvati comes)D'you think we ought to get some air?(Parvati nods, because the noise is too loud and they go into the garden by the lake.) Thank goodness I'm out of there! It's hot. (While she is talking, Parvati sneaks up behind her and pushes her
into the lake) AAAARGH!!!! Help! Pav please! (Parvati helps her out. Padma is furious)

Padma: What did you do that for then? EH? EH?

Parvati:(Pretending to look stupid) You said you were hot.

Padma: Oh. hhm. hhoh... heeheehee...(seeing the funny side)Hahahahaha! In you go! (Parvati is now in the lake, and Padma makes no atempt to save her as it is very funny, But the giant squid, the heroic figure that he is, throws her out and saves her from drowning.)

Peeves: Hello! Haven't seen me for a long time. He He! (Giggles Evily) So is Filch around 'cos I'm gonna splat you with water baloons! He He. Gotcha, and you! (See's Prof. Dumbledore) Hello ProfessorHead! (Wanders Off)

Voldemort: (speaking from thin air) I'm back to get you Harry Potter. I'm not going to let anything ruin my plans! Hahahahahaha. Just watch out! And I should think that Hermione and Ron might want to watch out too. Harry Potter is no match for Lord Voldemort!

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Page Updated Mon Apr 9, 2001 1:37pm EDT