Actual Answers to Sixth Grade History tests:
>>
>> 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they
>> all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The
>> climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
>> elsewhere.
>>
>> 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
>> book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created
>> from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I
>> my brother's son?"
>>
>> 3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea,
>> where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
>> without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
>> to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
>> reached Canada.
>>
>> 4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven
>> hundred porcupines.
>>
>> 5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
>> without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had
>> myths. A myth is a female moth.
>>
>> 6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by
>> another man of that name.
>>
>> 7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
>> around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
>> from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career
>> suffered a dramatic decline.
>>
>> 8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
>> hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
>>
>> 9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks.
>> History calls people Romans because they never stayed in
>> one place for very long.
>>
>> 10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
>> battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
>> because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,
>> he gasped out:"Tee hee, Brutus."
>>
>> 11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his
>> subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
>>
>> 12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
>> cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
>>
>> 13. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should
>> be hanged twice for the same offense.
>>
>> 14. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The
>> greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote
>> many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
>>
>> 15. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow
>> through an apple while standing on his son's head.
>>
>> 16. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
>> queen she was a success. When she exposed herself
>> before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
>>
>> 17. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
>> Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another
>> important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter
>> Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
>> and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised
>> the world with a 100-foot clipper.
>>
>> 18. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was
>> William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
>> supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
>> and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
>> tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
>> pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a
>> heroicouplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
>>
>> 19. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
>> Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great
>> author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then
>> his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
>>
>> 20. During the Renaissance America began.
>> Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered
>> America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were
>> called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
>>
>> 21. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this
>> was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a
>> hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were
>> born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
>>
>> 22. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was
>> the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would
>> send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally
>> the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
>>
>> 23. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
>> Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
>> Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of
>> Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
>> cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself
>> cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>>
>> 24. Soon the Constitution of the United States was
>> adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution
>> the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
>>
>> 25. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
>> Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was
>> born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
>> Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
>> Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
>> Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of
>> the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator
>> was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This
>> ruined Booth's career.
>>
>> 26. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a
>> reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote
>> a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton.
>> It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are
>> falling off the trees.
>>
>> 27. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
>> compositions and had a large number of children. In
>> between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in
>> his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
>> most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
>> Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He
>> was very large.
>>
>> 28. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
>> He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
>> the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
>> Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
>>
>> 29. The French Revolution was accomplished before it
>> happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted
>> an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a
>> baroness, she couldn't have any children.
>>
>> 30. The sun never set on the British Empire because
>> the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the
>> West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a
>> thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced
>> virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
>>
>> 31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
>> many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing
>> by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
>> of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
>> Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
>> the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure
>> for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the
>> Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And
>> Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers. |