Political Jokes - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/hellacooljokes/Political

1. What do Monica Lewinsky and a coin machine have in common? They both have a slot saying INSERT BILL HERE.
2. Two Democrats were deer hunting and shot one. So they get the deer by the horns for it was a buck they shot. As they were dragging the deer, one Democrat said, "Man this is sure hard to drag. As they were talking a Republican hunting in the same area came over and said,"If you would get hold of the deer's hind legs it would be easier to drag..O.K. said the Democrats, as they were dragging the deer, one Democrat said to the other , boy this is a lot easier to drag. The other Democrat said, yea, it is, but we are getting farther away from the truck.

3. Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have any brothers or sisters? Monica swallowed them all.

4. President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.", replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!", said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?", said Yeltsin.

"Yes?", replied the President.

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin.

"No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan condoms. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "Print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."

5. How do you know when there's a gay president in the White House? All the cigars taste like shit.

6. Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.

They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." explained the driver.

"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.

The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

7. Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies,

"Come again?"

"No," she says........"Mustard"...........

8. First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker." Janet responded. "Just because I am aesthetically challenged [that's "politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances." Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?" Janet said, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart I can."

Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine. Bill rolls over and asks, "That you, Janet?"

9. A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.

Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her the car radio was voice-activated, and she would only need to state aloud the type of music she wanted and the car would find it.

She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song.

She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock n roll;" the radio station changed and a song by Van Halen came from the speakers.

Quite pleased, the woman continued driving. A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed "SHITHEAD !" ....... the radio cut over to Rush Limbaugh.

10. They found out Monica was hard of hearing. Clinton had asked how she liked her "Intern Course" at the "Oval"office. Her reply: She liked "Intercourse, Oral or not, at the office."

11. What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver? The SCREWDRIVER turns in screws! The Clinton screws interns!
12. A surgeon went to check on his very famous patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine Miss Lewinsky" he said. She asked "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life?" The surgeon seemed to pause which alarmed the girl. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right won't I?" He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

13. Bill Clinton was arriving back in D.C. from his trip home to Arkansas and stepped off the plane with 2 razorbacks one under each arm. An army general salutes him and says "Nice pigs, Sir!" Clinton replies "These aren't pigs! These are REAL Arkansas Razorbacks, I got one for Hillary, and one for Chelsea." The general salutes him again saying "Good trade, sir!"

Zac Brewer

Michigan

USA

kidrokc12@aol.com

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Page Updated Tue Jul 23, 2002 8:45pm EDT